By JINGO
So, there I was, home early, enjoying a nice cup of tea and I thought "Hmmm, yes, perhaps a little read of B3TA would be just the ticket right now". And after a brief look at board, I tootled over to QOTW and noticed that the bus one wasn't on the list any more and that it had been closed.

Furthermore, no new one was there - so for the first time in goodness knows how many years, I realised that a new one was about to open. F5. Bingo. Tramps. Clicked, ALREADY FIVE POSTS. Most of them saying "first, second, third, forth, story to follow, blah blah". How do you guys do it? Do you have scripts that post any old bollocks just so you get in there first?

Now I'm sure INTERNETLAWYERMAN would have something to say about this, as would Wormulus, but I couldn't give a flying fig about the latter - although the lawyerman's (or Police Dog's, or, dare I say it, JMG's) opinion would definitely help with this tea, particularly as I have no biscuits.

So my question is, at what inconvenient time have you ran out of biscuits and why the fuck does no-one seem to sell those Lincoln ones any more? They were round, and nobbly, and in green packets and they were ABSOLUTELY unbeatable in coffee OR tea. Multi-purpose biscuits for the masses, I tell you.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:00, 37 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

F5 ninja skills.
Takes years to learn.
( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Dare you to post that on /talk

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:02, Reply)

I would, but...
... it's talking about QOTW. So, I figured, after careful consideration that this was the most appropriate place to post it. You know, right place, right post... that sort of thing.

And besides which, I figured that I'd only get called a cunt in 25% of the replies by volume here rather than 100% + another 50 for good measure by Gaz on /talk.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:05, Reply)

We aren't QOTW either though
cunt
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Well, technically you are...
After all, it IS question of the week, OFF TOPIC. And it does say at the top here "Are you a QOTWer? Do YOU press F5 endlessly on Thursday afternoons with your clipboard prepared with "first" and your fingers hovering over CTRL-V? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend".

So I'm technically correct.

And as we all know, that's by far the best kind of correct.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:09, Reply)

So you can't actually read either and actually just make things up as you go along...
DAMN, You got da skillZ| boi
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:10, Reply)

I certainly have
But given you're a branch of the (generally) highly entertaining QOTW tree, I figure you're mostly all part of the same plant. Except the odd /talk raiding party, of course.

With leaves, caterpillars, squirrels and everything.

Hmmmm.... squirrels.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:13, Reply)

What in the buggering fuck are you on about?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:18, Reply)

Ignore becky
She's just pissed because her sword isn't real.
( Captain V, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:13, Reply)

She's just pissed?
Are you using American English, V?
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:13, Reply)

The sword probably contained gin.
Now that's a good idea. I shall act my age by enjoying a nice gin and tonic. Anyone want one?
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:16, Reply)

Yes
But I'm not sure why.
( Captain V, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:24, Reply)

It's that Kristine...
coming over here with her Americany ways.
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:25, Reply)

Felching our menfolk
gazumping our women folk.

I WONT STAND FOR IT YOU KNOW
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:28, Reply)

Which sword would that be then?
This one?



Or your own feeble pork sword?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:17, Reply)

sexy

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Oh you noes it baybee

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:24, Reply)

You know which sword I was talking about
I'd forgotten about those ones though
( Captain V, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:24, Reply)

You mean my wooden one?
It's not mine, it's a loaner.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:27, Reply)

Weren't those Lincoln biscuits grim?

( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:03, Reply)

Grim by themselves, yes, I'll admit...
But in coffee, oooohhhhhh...
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Bollocks.
I want one now.
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Good luck
I've checked all the local stores, all the big supermarkets, all the cupboards (several times) and I've found NOTHING. Not even a clue. If I ever find somewhere that's selling the fuckers, I'm buying their entire stock.

Then we'll talk about me selling you a packet.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:10, Reply)

Oh we will, will we?
I'm off to Cornwall soon. The Land that Time Forgot.
They'll have 'em there.
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:13, Reply)

what I want to know is
do you guys actually keep cookies biscuits in your home?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:05, Reply)

Of course!
It's the law over here.
( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:06, Reply)

If you don't have any
the police come and dunk your head in a sink full of hot tea until you can name 5 biscuits then they give youa towel and a warning
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:08, Reply)

haha

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:10, Reply)

Oh hell yeah
In this heat it's the only thing I eat, mostly.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:07, Reply)

yuck
I mean, I like cookies biscuits as much as the next person, but, don't you get bored of eating them all the time?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:13, Reply)

That would require some level of congnition on Dok's part.

( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:14, Reply)

OK
So I eat less than a packet of ginger nuts a day.

I don't pig out Drixy.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:29, Reply)

Fig rolls ftw
although they're shit in a cuppa. And frankly right now I'd rather have an ice cream...
(berk, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Mmmmmmmmmmm
The second best biscuit in the world.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:30, Reply)

What do you propose
to be the best? I'm quite partial to a jaffa cake, too...6 packs for £2 at ASDA at the minute!

*wobbles shopwards*
(berk, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 17:45, Reply)

I just don't get Jaffa Cakes.
They're OK, yes, and the strawberry limited edition ones were so fucking awesome that I was thinking of having a pack framed, but the orange ones have always been "Meh" to me. Same with Rich Tea.

By the way, I was awarded only a D+ for my first QOTW off topic post. Apparently, I lost points for mentioning tea, although to be honest, the main thrust of the post was biscuits. I understand that my initial question should have been uniquely astonishing - something that would break new ground in off-topic conversation. Something that would add to the world.

I failed.

Perhaps something like this would be approved by the committee:

British Airways are moaning that their business class passenger numbers are down due to the recession, what services and changes would YOU make to business class to save their airline?
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 18:20, Reply)

During reviz
I got a whole bumper pack of dark choccie digestives (1p cheaper than milk? woo!) and my bowl-sized mug of tea and ate my way trhough it.

NOM.

(anyone want some stomach fat?)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 16:27, Reply)