Feeling lonely as hell and suddenly carefree for the first time in ages
I approached the witch and offered her one of my famous home made BLTs as a gesture of friendship
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:05, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

"Get to fuck," she said.
"I'm a vegetarian. That better be fake bacon."
( Maladicta, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:09, Reply)

I was about to make reference to the womble fur stuck between her teeth
when I thought better of it and proffered a cigarette instead
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:11, Reply)

With a twitch of her warty nose
what had once been a proud part of Gerald was transformed into a rather sorry-looking carrot.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:12, Reply)

the first evidence of true witchery
other than a pointy hat with 'Witch' written on it in yellow highlighter
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:16, Reply)

and an old and tattered t-shirt proclaiming 'Grotbags Rules!'

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:18, Reply)

And a familiar
Which bore more than a passing resemblance to David Mellor.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:31, Reply)

On learning that he could be transformed
he wondered if he was now one of those Transformers that could merge with other Transformers to make a big Transformer.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:16, Reply)

Unfortunately
He could only realy transform into root vegetables, and he and his transformer veg companions could never go near tescos fruit and veg aisle for fear of seperation and a terrile terrible fate.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:19, Reply)

the witch shrugged
and had a hearty swig from her Dom Perignom
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:20, Reply)

Which was rather rude
Considering he'd bought the Dom Perignom and all. But he decided not to say anything about it. Mostly because carrots don't have mouths, or vocal chords.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:29, Reply)

But he'd misheard
The witch had actually offered to DEFORM him.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:19, Reply)

like a glasweigean in a car crash

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:20, Reply)

Hence
His oddly mis-shapen nose.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:23, Reply)

And so Michael Jackson's long slide into whitehood began.

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:24, Reply)

The end.
Go on then - start another one...
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 20:28, Reply)