Evening my lovelies.
What song lyrics make you go "WTF?" For me, it's the "if there's a bustle in your hedgerow..." bit from Stairway to Heaven.

EDIT: If the answer to the above is "none", tell us your favourite lyric instead. I'm still working on this one...
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 21:48, 46 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Maybe you need to have a hedgerow
To appreciate the profundity of this line.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 21:50, Reply)

I'm thinking so.
The only foliage I have is a black lily plant, as I live in a flat.
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 21:51, Reply)

I've had hedgerows
But all I ever got in them was pop bottles and crisp packets.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 21:52, Reply)

Sounds like our front garden in my student days.
Our landlord couldn't be arsed to maintain the place and when we did eventually manage to clear it, there were cans in there for drinks you can't get any more.
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 21:55, Reply)

We were so chuffed to find our dream house
That we somehow neglected to spot the sink comprehensive school at the top of the hill.

My ex-wife still lives there (I'm not an Edmund, we still get on fairly well) and it's moved from crisp packets to needles.

lovely.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:09, Reply)

It's such a shame.
My dream flat, the one I'm in now, has one lovely set of neighbours with a newborn, and the ones between us are awful: he knocks her about and kicks off properly once a month or so wanting to smash the door in, smash her up, and traumatising their offspring.
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:13, Reply)

At least you can.
Lisa (ex Mrs TD) has found herself in serious negative equity now.

It's not an immediate problem as - chav issues aside - she has no real plans to move but the rapidly sinking reputation of the school (Hanson School, Bradford) is affecting the value of her house.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:19, Reply)

As if the housing market wasn't shit enough as it is :(
that's terrible. My parents are trying to move at the moment and not having much success (as far as I'm concerned it can take as long as it likes since I'll have to go up there to get all my stuff and I'd rather sleep with Jim Davidson than go and see them). I'm still renting at the moment and have given up all hope of ever owning my own home...
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:21, Reply)

How many seas must a white dove sail before she can lie in the sand?
Oh the over-rated Bob Dylan

1 - Doves DON'T sail. Ever.

2 - Doves hang about in trees. NOT sand.

Pretentious hubristic "pretending to crash my motorbike so you'll all feel sorry for me" tosser.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 21:58, Reply)

42, clearly, is the answer.
The Co-op ad with this on at the moment makes my flatmate murderous!
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 21:59, Reply)

the fucking song name
has been seared from my memory, but lyrically the silly whore would rather eat a slice of toast than see a ghost.
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:05, Reply)

Seconded; she doesn't even try to make it make sense!
*still has it in her itunes though*
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:07, Reply)

did you enjoy the film?

(Halfy By light alone, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:07, Reply)

I did, thank you so much :D
Am currently working my way through series 1 and 2 of Pokémon from Pot!
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:12, Reply)

cool
all my stuff is boxed up now so the other one might take a while
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:17, Reply)

Ooo.
Where are you moving to?
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:18, Reply)

Cambridge
hopefully in the next few weeks, but then I have been saying that for over 4 months now

grinds teeth
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:21, Reply)

Eek
what's holding everything up?
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:23, Reply)

staggering ineptitude
from the housing association, they seem to have fucked up all the housing plans, so everyone trying to buy ground floor apartments are stuck in a loop of bullshit and tail chasing, but hopefully all coming to an end now
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:24, Reply)

Oh, wonderful :(
You must be having to chase them constantly! I had to do that with my private let when I was trying to get this flat sorted out; on the phone to Connells on every break at work going "SORT IT OUT NOW"...
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:28, Reply)

every day
I ring my solicitors to check if they have anything, then ring BPHA two or three times.

Surprisingly enough I rang the complaints dept, ended up speaking to the person who hadn't returned any of my phone calls fro the last 3 days and it all suddenly started moving quickly
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:30, Reply)

That really is disgraceful; it'd be all the same if you had nowhere to live at the moment!
Working where I do, I know that panicked feeling of "yes, I was meant to ring you back, wasn't I? Please don't tell my boss..." ><'
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:33, Reply)

I asked them (just about politely)
if they can't sort it out soon to arrange for me to rent the damn place until they can get it sorted.
Its an empty new build and im on a shared ownership scheme so they wouldn't be losing out.
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:36, Reply)

They'll probably have some retarded legal reason why you can't do that.
I recommend gazzing La Swipe for legal advices as this is completely unfair on you; moving is ridiculously stressful at the best of times after all...
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:39, Reply)

Halfy
I've been missing in action from O/T for a couple of months but didn't I once suggest that you contact RICS about this buffoonery?

If you didn't then, you might want to try now.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:44, Reply)

might well do cheers
been too busy with chasing house stuff and work to really do anything else.

Oh hang on, it wasn't the survey that was the problem after all, there was some confuddlement on plot numbers and post code numbers, now its the building plans that are causing headaches
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:49, Reply)

So would I, to be honest
But it's hardly best selling song material.

While we're on this grim female singer theme:-

"Sometimes the snow comes down in June" - yes, that's quite true.

"Sometimes the sun goes round the moon" - no, that's utter bollocks.

Daft bint.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:23, Reply)

AAARGH.
My mother used to play this song on repeat when I was a mini Maladicta. It causes Elfen Lied-style rage in me!

Similarly, Cerys Matthews had the most irritating singing voice ever in her days with Catatonia...
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:27, Reply)

You're female
Cerys Matthews' voice makes parts tingle that you don't have...
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:30, Reply)

Very true, but I did use to be very into Catatonia
and now her voice does my head in! Still think her solo work is lully though...

Can't think of any male voices that have that effect on me. Well, one...
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:31, Reply)

All of her is very fine
I wonder if she can cook?

I'm a modern man - I can iron, I can clean but cooking - beyond me.

If anyone knows, or sees Cerys kindly tell her to apply to The Disappointed, Disappointed Manor, The nice bit of Bradford.

I have a vacancy for a cook/cat and dog minder/sexy voiced singer. Occasional duties may include getting jiggy with a plump but very healthy middle aged man. Must smoke in back garden (if smoking required) and not nag me for driving too fast.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:59, Reply)

I think she lives somewhere in bible belt America now.
Then again, being very familiar with the part of Wales she's from, I don't blame her!
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 23:12, Reply)

Well that's her loss, isn't it.
Any other sexy voiced singers may apply.

I should add to the job description that you must understand that if we appear to be a little bit lost it's not a problem because I am an expert map-reader and no, we DON'T need a Satnav because if you'd not distracted me I wouldn't have missed that turn and anyway I know exactly where we are now. Yes we're in a field and some cows are looking at us but it's OK. I know what I'm doing.

Bedtime. 'Night, kids.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 23:37, Reply)

The new BEP song
"Mazel Tov"? "Lchaim"? (seemingly pronounced lhaim) Autotuning?

KILL. ME. NOW.

My favourite lyric at the moment is "Maybe I'll blow you...whatever kind of kisses you want"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:15, Reply)

I am a cynical old beast
who hates 99% of modern music, so I know not of what you speak.

I know I bloody hate the Ting Tings though!

In fact, I may edit the question to include favourite lyrics...
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:18, Reply)

This feels like the beat isn't even.
I'm shit with rhythm, and my ears play tricks. But this is a bad song.

If you hate yourself: www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXtCTixWR3g&feature=related

(ok, I admit it. It's catchy.)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:20, Reply)

Hate the Black Eyed Peas
and have done ever since My Humps. I lasted about ten seconds of this ><'
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:22, Reply)

You missed the AWFUL pronunciation.
Ch is like loCH. Not just like in CHair, or how she's doing it, High.

If you're going to sing in Hebrew/Ivrit, at least DO IT RIGHT.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:24, Reply)

She is incapable of doing anything right.
If she can't make sense in English, how does she hope to in any other language (case in point, again, My Humps).
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 22:28, Reply)

Delilah by Tom Jones
Have you actually listened and thought about those lyrics?

Have you?

And people sing it at weddings....
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 23:14, Reply)

His missus cheats on him
so he KILLS HER TO DEATH. You make a good point, sir.
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 23:21, Reply)

It's not even that simple.
She's not his girl.

She's just a random girl he's obsessed with. He waits outside her house and watches her have sex with her man. When he leaves he sneaks in, stabs her to death and sings to her body until the police break down the door.

Fucked. Up.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 23:25, Reply)

I am now scared
of Tom Jones.
( Maladicta, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 23:32, Reply)

So you should be.
But he's so damn catchy.

What's new pussycat? Woah woah woaaaaah woah woah.

Etc.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 23:40, Reply)

*cries*
Wah! Do not want.
( Maladicta, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 0:13, Reply)

My WTFs
are misheard lyrics:

As a child, i always heard Robert Palmer's "You might as well face it you're addicted to love" as "My arse will just face it you're addicted to love". I did wonder about such a public tribute to anal sex.

The other, more recent, is the White Stripes' "I think I smell a rat". Even now having been corrected, in my mind it will always be a protestation of personal hygiene: "I think I smell alright"
( Tiffany Aching 's bowl of oatmeal tried to stare her down and won, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 1:33, Reply)