I think I may have caused permanent damage this time.
I was out getting groceries tonight when I had the urge for something really good for dinner. I finished up at the supermarket and went to Fresh Market to get a shish kebab, and waited my turn in line patiently.

I had my kebab in hand when a thin blonde woman with a shrill nasal voice behind me asked the guy at the counter, "How do you prepare your chicken?"

I turned to her and said, "They look at it and say, 'Brace yerself, I'm comin' in!'" This last part was delivered in my best Scottish accent with a manic grin.

As the twin jets of flame shot from her ears and her eyes showed a television test pattern I headed for the cashier with my kebab and the warm satisfied glow of a job well done.

What have you done lately to make someone's day more surreal?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 28 Jul 2009, 23:39, 22 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

so...
did she shit herself with fury?
LOL
don't tease the natives, some of them bite...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 28 Jul 2009, 23:50, Reply)

ha Loon - thanks!
Hi blaireau :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 28 Jul 2009, 23:54, Reply)

hey there Poppet!
you okay?
fancy a Mojito?
x
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:05, Reply)

Yeah kinda.
My face has swollen hugely over night and I is in paaaaaain. You should see it, seriously. The right side of my cheek/jaw is HUGE. And under the left side of my jaw is all puffy too. :(
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:15, Reply)

is you infected?
BLEH!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:16, Reply)

I don't think so.
I went to see the guy who stole my teeth on saturday, my mouth was all healed up nicely, no holes or swelling or anything. Mum's worried it's mumps, it's been doing the rounds for a couple of months now. I hope it's not!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:18, Reply)

if it's mumps then you'll get sore bollocks...
unless you had them removed along with the teeth?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:20, Reply)

at birth.
:D
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:24, Reply)

I had the best mojito EVAH.
It was in Guatemala. The limes were just in season and they had fresh mint on hand, so everything was perfect.

I need to return to Antigua just for that.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:20, Reply)

I know how to make those.
/prouds :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:21, Reply)

and now i feel all inadequate...
with my poor european made Mojitos...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:21, Reply)

Yours are probably better than any I could make.
At least you can grow limes over there. Here they come from another state at best, so they're nowhere near as fresh.

It's okay, I have beer.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:24, Reply)

Nah, she was just stunned.
The guy behind the counter looked equally startled. I don't think they had time to process that I had just made a chicken rape joke before I left.

I was pretty proud of that one myself...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 28 Jul 2009, 23:55, Reply)

Ha. I'm proud of you too!
that's b3ta for you - corrupting all who pass through..
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 28 Jul 2009, 23:58, Reply)

I should add
that Fresh Market is a very yuppie store, and that this woman fit the profile perfectly- thin, WASP, expensive clothes, a cart full of things I can't afford, with more jewelry than my last three girlfriends combined.

I like to think that I did a public service today.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 28 Jul 2009, 23:58, Reply)

WASP?
as in personality wise or an acronym for something else?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:00, Reply)

WASP=
White Anglo-Saxon Protestant.
ie rich white folks.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:06, Reply)

oh golly.
there's quite a few of them around where I live....
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:08, Reply)

Yeah.
This one looked kinda like a cross between Ann Coulter and René Auberjonois.

I think I probably gave her the most surreal moment of her adult life.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:22, Reply)

You should have winked saucily and licked your lip and then left.
that would have freaked her out even more.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:23, Reply)

Or given her the Irish manic cackle
that the guy delivers just after he informs Mel Gibson "The Lord says he can get me out of this one, but he's pretty sure you're fooked."

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zs8QKXtCN9w
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:32, Reply)

ahaha I love that!
That is a great movie.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 29 Jul 2009, 0:34, Reply)