What, no beckyletters?
Without her around to hypocritically explain how crap and poorly thought through my thread is, I'm alarmed about starting one. Perhaps you'd all like to complain on her behalf? In the meanwhile, who have you filled in for¹ recently?

1. I thought I'd save you all the trouble of the obvious strike-through joke
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:26, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

to be fair to her memory
your thread is crap and poorly thought through.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:30, Reply)

This may be so
But the guy knows how to use the superscript tag, and that should count for something.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:34, Reply)

It counts for nothing
if you use it for boring crap
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:34, Reply)

You make a fair point.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:35, Reply)

it certainly does
I was impressed
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:34, Reply)

Perhaps it was not all bad then.

(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:39, Reply)

it is possible to be impressed by bad things
for future reference
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:40, Reply)

Fair enough
I shall stand in the corner and consider what I have done.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:42, Reply)

I'm constantly impressed by your threads.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:43, Reply)

HAHAHAH
Yeah me too
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:45, Reply)

precisely!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:47, Reply)

This is terrible.
What a terrible, terrible thread. It's simply terrible.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:30, Reply)

Your thread has
taken pointless internet threads to an astonishing new level. In fact you've probably made the internet 3% more boring by your existence
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:31, Reply)

Jesus Christ man
Jesus fucking Christ
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:32, Reply)

Dear Internet,
Many thanks for your considered complaints to my thread. I greatly regret the sequence of events that led me to post it and, of course, offer my sincere apologies for bringing the average quality of Internet content down with my ill considered words. I have been informed that perhaps the only way that I could have done worse would have been to add some lols and roffles.

I hope that you can all forgive me.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:37, Reply)

My forgivness costs £29.99
please send a cheque or you can pay via paypal if you prefer
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:39, Reply)

That's reasonable value for money depending on the small print
Is it a once-off single incident forgiveness or does this forgiveness last for a decent period of time?
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:41, Reply)

The forgivness lasts for a week
however there are a few subclauses to how the forgivness can be revoked. For lobger forgivness periods cider is recommended
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:44, Reply)

A week is a reasonable window
... I can get a lot of crap threads in during seven days. I would, however, like to understand what the subclauses are. And is the cider for me so I post without giving a flying flock of pigeons about quality, or for you for the same reason?
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:47, Reply)

It's for me
as I am an alcoholic
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:52, Reply)

But... cider... I mean... cider... good god, why?
Surely a good bottle of red would be preferable? Or even a decent single-malt with a cigar the size of a submarine? But cider? Cider?
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:55, Reply)

Cider is awesome
so shut up before I ram your tenticles down your throat.

I also wrote testicles at first which is another option I suppose
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:56, Reply)

You make a good argument

(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:57, Reply)

Hahaha
I spoke to a customer today who told me when he goes to the Grand Prix he fills empty bottles of Moet champagne with Diamond White and gives it to people who've had a few drinks, and noone's ever told the difference.

He was a strange old man.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 12:02, Reply)

You're missing vodka and amaretto
While forgetting that cider is the liquid of the gods!
( Captain V, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:56, Reply)

You're right, it was criminal to forget amaretto
... particularly when it forms a "corrected coffee" whilst topping up a decent expresso. Vodka? Well, it tastes of whatever you add to it, so whilst I agree it's a handy thing to have around the house for piecing together cocktails out of whatever liquids are left in the fridge, I'm not convinced of its standalone brilliance.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Buy good vodka then drink it over ice
That's very good.
( Captain V, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Shut up V
or I'll give you papercuts on your balls and wash them in vodka
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 12:07, Reply)

Mines is £29.71
/undercut
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:41, Reply)

I used to have an undercut.
I looked like a right prick.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:42, Reply)

Was it inspired by
David Beckham? Or PJ/Duncan?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:44, Reply)

let's get ready to rumble!
let's get to ruuummmble! Get ready! Get Ready!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:45, Reply)

Psyche!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Haha
No, it was before all that. It was inspired by my mate Barry who'd been wearing one for a couple of years previously. I think I probably missed the boat. Or trend. Probably trend.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:45, Reply)

Dear internet user,
Who have you filled in for recently?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:41, Reply)

Dear OT regular,
I filled in for a sunny day and a BBQ by having a rather splendid indoor BBQ using some groovy gadget I got a year ago and have failed to use until now. It's a table-top grillamajig with a heated stone tile thingie. You cut up bits of meat, slap 'em on and cook to your liking. Like a fondue, but without the danger of drunken people spilling boiling oil over their valuables.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:50, Reply)

God you people are shit.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:51, Reply)

You're very touchy recently
is it that time of the month?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:52, Reply)

Hahahaha!
Best reply yet! A+++++, would definitely read again.
(Deadly Octopus no deaths since, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:52, Reply)

This post is so bad that I just killed myself.
Come on, internet. Buck your ideas up, eh?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:52, Reply)

Ding dong the witch is dead!
Which old witch?
The witch in tights!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:53, Reply)

I wonder if I could be laid to rest in your cavernous Vadge?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:57, Reply)

I offer very good deals

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 12:00, Reply)

This thread is crap and poorly thought through
Ps, you suck anus
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 14:39, Reply)