Things I have learnt recently:
1. Don't chew peppercorns. They make you cough something awful.
2. Don't blow into a mortar to get the last bit of spice mix out; some things REALLY hurt when they go in your eye.
3. When you stagger out of bed, pull on the first thing you see (which happens to be your Founders Day dress and one of the most expensive things you own, to contrast nicely with your HORRIBLE FACE) to walk to the doctors at an inhuman hour, you will see your friends and/or their mothers.
4. My new form of drug means I will be consuming 6g of sugar a day.
5. On the other hand, you can make drank out of it.
6. Don't lick metal knives when they've been stuck in hot honey and butter. It burns. Surprisingly. In fact, don't lick knives.
7. Face-heel-turn is NOT a dance move.
8. Everyone your ex-boyfriend associates with hates you; for the simple reason that:
(i) He does
(ii) You once introduced yourself as his ex-girlfriend
9. Some people simply really irritate me, and;
10. I really lead a pointless and uninteresting life.


What startling conclusions have you come to recently? Or, what substance would you REALLY not like to have in your eye?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:50, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Your spunk

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:52, Reply)

I'd be rather alarmed if I could produce spunk, to be honest.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:53, Reply)

So was I
That's why I don't want it in my eye. I have a nagging suspicion it's actually some form of syphillitic discharge.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:55, Reply)

I had a dream recently where someone pulled a full, used condom out of their vag
It then turned into lesbian erotica involving me saving TEH GURL EYE LUFF from a quarry full of flying shelves, drawn by their screws to some force of magnetism.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:57, Reply)

That's sounds highly erotic

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:04, Reply)

Oh, it really was.
I TRIED to have a nice one about BOYS, but it doesn't work.
I'll just plaster images of Russia and DMs everywhere, see if it seeps in by osmosithingimy.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Can't you just plaster pictures of BOYS
or simply admit that your a lesbian and move on with your life with an insatiable desire for fanny.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:12, Reply)

Because
It'd be highly creepy having photos of V all over the place. The nearest male on my wall is Oscar Wilde. I think I'm going wrong there.

As for liking the fanny, I prefer girls to look at, but I don't like fannies that much. S'all about the cock.
/tmi
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:14, Reply)

V's not a boy.
He has a cat-face.
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:17, Reply)

Wrong V!
This one's over 6 foot.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:37, Reply)

So your perfect partner would be a girl with a cock?
Interesting.

I have this above my bed. Take two of those and call me in the morning!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:18, Reply)

Ah! I like him!
The hot brother from Supernatural.
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:21, Reply)

I like his car

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:22, Reply)

I like him AND his car.
Mmmmm.......
Edit: I don't like him that picture though.
( thealternativefact, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:23, Reply)

You like anything that will spunk on your tits.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:25, Reply)

Agreed.
On all counts.
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:25, Reply)

Oh sorry.
Better?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:28, Reply)

I really don't know why I'm clicking on these links.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:29, Reply)

Because you're a disgusting homo?

( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:31, Reply)

Because no one can resist Jensen Ackles.
And you need to admit you have an insatiable desire for cock?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:31, Reply)

It's funny
after clicking those links I realised that despite my continuous flirting with DiT I really don't find men attractive in a squelchy way.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Sure.
If that's what you want to believe, then ok.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:41, Reply)

>_<
Pretty boys!
PRETTY BOYS!

There's a photo of my ex in drag that's SCARILY convincing.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:34, Reply)

Oo, lets see.
More convincing then AA?

I'm considering increasing my gay to straight ratio.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:39, Reply)

I could regret this...
[Removed due to fear of someone recognising him]

Yes, I did say him.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:41, Reply)

Ahahahaha!
He is pretty though. Very pretty. Good job Lampito!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:44, Reply)

Not really.
He's EVIL.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:50, Reply)

*sigh*
Always the way.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Molton Lava
I have learnt that the best way to turn of my wife is to say "lets have sex"
( Peej, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:53, Reply)

I've concluded that:
1) The world would be far worse without me.
2) Wearing sunglasses at night is AWESOME.
3) I love having a knackered van as my personal car.
4) Drinking less is a good thing.
5) I should have a TV show.
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:54, Reply)

I would have thought
they'd be more use to you in the day - shielding your pallid, inhuman eyes from the burning sunlight?
(berk, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Of course.
I wear them in the day. But I just don't bother taking them off now.
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Well
vampires = bats = sonar. I guess you don't really need your eyes at all...
(berk, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:59, Reply)

A common misconception.

( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:00, Reply)

Will you be wearing sunglasses on saturday?
Also, is there a good place to park near the pub or shoul we just grab a spot anywhere we can?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:57, Reply)

I will be, yeah.
There's no parking at that pub. You're best off parking in the Waitrose carpark (two minutes walk).
Well, actually, the public carpark next to the Waitrose one, but they share the same entrance.
Erm, then text me, or ask someone.
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Waitrose?
For fuck's sake - is this some middle-class gig?
Am I going to have to start a fight with some posh twat?
Wait...Al's middle class...
( thealternativefact, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:04, Reply)

I'll bring my knuckle dusters
and we'll have a scrap in the car park.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:11, Reply)

It'll be part of a lovely day out.

( thealternativefact, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:13, Reply)

Then DiT will be sick in the car.

( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:15, Reply)

If you're lucky, you'll get to park
Next to my VAN.
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:15, Reply)

What pub?
I might suggest to the Chelmsford Massiv (my cousins) that they come down and check it out.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:38, Reply)

The Half Moon
We're on at 2:50 though, then indie bands the rest of the day.
( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:58, Reply)

sounds like fun
It's highly likely that they'll already be going if at an all day thing
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 16:14, Reply)

I've learnt
1) I am incredibly lazy.
2) I have bad knees.
3) My asthma is a lot worse than I thought it was.
4) My work is incredibly stressful.
5) Drinking Dr Pepper, Relentless, Chocolate Frijj and Fanta without eating will make you so hyper you can't focus on anything.
6) I'd make a terrible husband.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:17, Reply)

Well I'd never marry you.

( Cawl, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:20, Reply)

Thank fuck for that
My chutney cupboard would never recover from the wedding night.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:25, Reply)

I'd marry you but I'd have to bum you first to see how tight you are
See you tonight sweetcheeks xoxox
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:31, Reply)

I have learnt:
1) My knees object heartily to any prolonged exercise that is not dancing.
2) Cats don't always land on their feet.
3) Even the most perfect seeming of boys are enormous wankers in disguise.
4)I come across as easy.
5)Weed makes me feel really sick and unable to think about anything but cheese.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:25, Reply)

Point 1 made me laugh in a smutty way
does point 4 mean you've split up with your man?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:34, Reply)

It might do,
IF HE WASN'T FUCKING IGNORING ME.
/rage.
*fetches vermouth*

Edit: 1 meant two weeks of swimming you filthy bugger :)
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:36, Reply)

*proffers absinthe*
I'm advising a guy I like on what to do about his offer of a mff threesome. I hate men.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:38, Reply)

God, I could use some of that. Thanks.
He needs advice? Good lord, He doesn't deserve it if he needs to think about it.

I spent last night listening to my friend go on about amazing in bed her boyfriend is and how big his cock is. I hate smug girls too.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:43, Reply)

*swigs*
He's just a bit nervous- only lost his V-plates about 2 weeks ago, only slept with one girl, his housemate knows the other girl in question from home and things could get awkward... So it's legitimate to worry!

I saw Past Pet yesterday. I still think he's hot, but we're trying to be self sufficient. I think I'm going to fail.

Pah! Boys. Good luck with yours.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:45, Reply)

Boys Rule!
Girls suck!

Tee hee, I said suck.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Ah, fair enough.
Good luck to him.

Is that the one above?

Thanks. *does a shot* I think I'll need it. He's gonna have to have a really good reason for this, otherwise I'm tempted to say fuck it anyway, even if it is only his first strike. According to his last girl, he was a brilliant boyfriend until one day he just couldn't be bothered any more for no reason.

In other news, I think I'm beginning to see my adorable best friend in a new light. Cock.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:50, Reply)

I'm confused about the guy having a threesome
is he unsure about how to approach it, or is it the people involved that worry him?

Also, men in their teens are really shit. Don't bother waiting, just get another one.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:52, Reply)

I think the former
He's pretty green, and is a bit o.O with everything.

And the capacity for AWKWARD with flatmate/othergirl is quite strong.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:56, Reply)

Espcially if he gets over excited and squirts as soon as they're naked

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:58, Reply)

I know this.
But do I learn? Do I fuck.

Oh well, Leeds in two weeks. :D
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 16:08, Reply)

No no no no, that's the Ex
I'm still a bit mad about him. In about every sense of the word!

Are you officially together? I'm a bit wtfing, he just suddenly ceases contact- for how long? Grah. How horrible. *looks into glass and swishes it round*
Oh and I just got burned by this boy. I offered to come and see him, and he was just like yeah whatever I don't care. I like you as a person! I'm uspet! You're meant to be NICE to me!

Is the new light cock? Oh dear. Best friends into boyfriends have not ended well for me. See picture above.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Best friend to relationship
I'm sure this only happens in films. Much better to meet someone, get in a relationship and then discover that in addition to being the person you want to bump uglies with for the rest of your life, they have also become the person you want to do everything with for the rest of your life.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:59, Reply)

Whats this pet like then?
Very much official. And so am I to be honest. No contact for four days now. (Edit: Actually, three weeks if you count my being on holiday) I haven't been leaving messages or clingy texts or anything, But I really want to know what the fuck's going on. Just rang now, phone's off. I'll try once more tonight, then that's it, ball's in his court.

What a dick! Doesn't deserve for you to make the effort.

Yep. I love him to bits and we're so alike its unreal. But I agree, friends into boyfriends is definitely a bad idea.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 16:06, Reply)

What?
Is this how girls normally communicate? That made no sense to me at all.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 16:07, Reply)

I'm not usually this bad,
But when I'm in a bad mood, long sentences are too much effort.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 16:13, Reply)