I met some lovely b3tans at the weekend
and although I'm a grumpy fat bitch at the moment, I managed to chat to them without (I hope) offending anyone, which was nice. Plus I got to see some live bands (2 good bands, one female singer who should have been shot), which will probably be the last time for several years!

However, as we left the pub, mr vitamin c turned to me and said 'you do realise that you were talking to a group of strangers about penises for the last 15 minutes, don't you?' as if that was a weird thing, or I might not have noticed.

I really don't think non-b3tans understand this site...
( ascorbate, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:16, 58 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Penises are awesome

( Captain V, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:18, Reply)

well
some are.

but watching a man miming wanking a whale penis golf caddy may be the reason mr vit c was a bit taken aback. maybe.
( ascorbate, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:26, Reply)

Best Mime EVAH!
We were laughing about that all day
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:32, Reply)

I totally missed this :(

( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:41, Reply)

Grumpy fat bitch?
I must have chatted with an imposter then...the vitamin c I met seemed lovely.

Tightly and his enthusiasm for whale cock. He must be all hole.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:29, Reply)

it
may be my own perception, but that evening, whilst watching TV, I went on a 10-15 minute rant about how every advert on television is populated by cocks and she-cocks, and they are all wankers without an ounce of talent between them, and all deserve to die, horribly, etc etc - not like me at all.

am just ready to kill anyone who gets on my nerves even a tiny weeny bit at the moment too. so that's all my office mates fucked. and anyone who works for national express east anglia. and carol FUCKING weather woman on BBC breakfast, who I would happily use my remaining reserves of energy to slowly strangle, and see if she still looks so FUCKING chirpy with my hands around her throat.
( ascorbate, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:36, Reply)

I would suggest this is your pregnancy hormones but
a) I am too scared to and
b) I am like this all the time.
( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:37, Reply)

I love meeting up with B3tans to talk about cocks.
Well really, I just love talking about cocks.

Best of all the appendages.
( wanderlust, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:36, Reply)

I LOVE YOU

( thealternativefact, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:37, Reply)

YES!
Lusty :D
I had my first gig on Saturday!
There were b3tans there and everything!
Also, I may have deafened people.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:41, Reply)

yes
mr vit c is still saying his ears are ringing. his fault for being partially deaf anyway I think :-)
( ascorbate, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:46, Reply)

I wonder if Baby Vit C will recognise me by my voice?
Hahaha!
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:47, Reply)

I think
baby was too shocked by the noise to move for quite a while. it may actually be a good tactic when he's screaming all night long - just play him some Daylight lies at full volume to send him back to sleep :-)
( ascorbate, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:48, Reply)

My cock loves you

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:45, Reply)

this reminds me
the other day I was talking about bands with my mates. I was drunk and stoned so gabbling, and it got onto the subject of bands who you like, but the people are knobs. I announced:

"metallica are big cocks....but I fucking love them"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:13, Reply)

Thanks for coming along,
I really appreciated having some friendly faces in the crowd!
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 13:55, Reply)

it does help
imagine how I felt though, my first gig, you were in the crowd. hideous experience!

fortunately Clenders and Ancrenne were there to soften the blow.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:12, Reply)

And Spak!
Don't forget Spak.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:13, Reply)

how could I?
before I recognised him I'd had him pointed out by my bass player who was sure that spakka had been stalking him all day :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Hahaha!
Why was I never informed of this?
Awesome!
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:16, Reply)

thought I'd mentioned it before
it was an unfortunate coincidence that spakka had been out seeing the town during the day when my bass player had been shopping and then turned up to see our gig.

he was wearing some distinctive threads too. I laughed my arse off when I realised that it was spakka that my mate was talking about :-D
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:20, Reply)

This is most excellent!
:D
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:27, Reply)

:-)
did you have a listen to that thing I sent you?

and did you find it so awful you've decided not to mention it?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:31, Reply)

Didn't get home 'til eleven last night,
And after two nights of sleeping on a mate's floor, I was ready to pass out :p
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:31, Reply)

it would've lulled you to sleep with its spaced out beats
and soothing rhythms
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:34, Reply)

Tonight,
My bearded friend, tonight.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:36, Reply)

no rush ;-)
quite envious of these buggers having been to see your band play. Ever thought of touring the south west?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:40, Reply)

you mean
you couldn't hear them even down there?!
:-)
( ascorbate, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:41, Reply)

nope
and I was in my garden all evening and everything
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:42, Reply)

Touring?
Haha! One thing at a time :p
Think we'll try and get more this way first.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:48, Reply)

:-)
did you say that one of your guitarists was leaving soon or something?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:49, Reply)

Nah,
Our rhythm guitarist quit shortly before the gig, so got a quick replacement, who's not a full-time band-member.
Lovely guy, incredibly laid-back!
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:56, Reply)

ah
that's cool, so you can continue for a while at least.

good news!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:59, Reply)

I missed the cock talk :(
Think I was too busy eating wasp burgers though.
( Mellicious is made of candy, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:12, Reply)

Haha!
Was it you that told me one of the other singers got stung in the mouth by a wasp?
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Nope
That's the first time I heard about it! I hope it was that stupid bowler hat woman though
( Mellicious is made of candy, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:17, Reply)

Ah, I think Little Tom told me then!
See, I missed most of stupid bowler-hat-girl.
She looked like someone had dressed up a broomstick in shit clothes, and sounded a dying cat.
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:20, Reply)

oh
me too. she was painful.
( ascorbate, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:20, Reply)

It wasn't her fault
her sex was on fire. She kept trying to tell people but they largely ignored her.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:24, Reply)

Hahaha!

( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:25, Reply)

:D
( Mellicious is made of candy, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:26, Reply)

I still don't understand how she sold any CDs though
She wasn't good at all so no-one in their right mind would want to listen to her, but she wasn't attractive at all either so I can't see anyone buying her stuff to get in her pants...
Maybe they were buying it to use as a torture weapon
( Mellicious is made of candy, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:25, Reply)

You reckon the CIA play it to people
'til they admit to being terrorists?
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:26, Reply)

she
was selling CDs?! the only possible use for such things would be to crush wasps (with the box) or decapitate wasps (with the CD).

did anyone put out her on-fire sex, do you know?

(I still have that FUCKING song going round my head, it is NOT GOOD).
( ascorbate, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:31, Reply)

You can't kill the wasps with her CDs
I'd rather be stung to death than have to listen to her again.
I also hope that her sex fire engulfed the rest of her and left her a pile of badly-dressed ash.
( Mellicious is made of candy, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:34, Reply)

bah
I'd had this song in my head all last night and this morning after a michael mcintyre bit where he is phoning up emergency services and saying "oooooooh, my sex is on fire!"

just about got rid of it, and then BAM, you've got it right back in my head.

Still, at least it's not rhinestone cowboy. the worst earworm ever!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:48, Reply)

riding out on a horse
at a star spangled rodeo!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:53, Reply)

I'm putting you on ignore

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:54, Reply)

YES!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Rhinestone cowboy
Gettin' cards and letters from people I don't even know
And offers comin' over the phone
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:57, Reply)

and you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Well, I really don't mind the rain
And a smile can hide all the pain
But you're down when you're ridin' the train that's takin' the long way
And I dream of the things I'll do
With a subway token and a dollar tucked inside my shoe
There'll be a load of compromisin'
On the road to my horizon
But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me
( Cawl, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 15:00, Reply)

nope
the tune from the fairy liquid adverts is my current worst earworm - had it going round my head for 3 days last week. then the sex is on fire one, but admittedly, it was better when sung by michael mcintyre - this woman was tone deaf and sang REALLY slowly, just in case we weren't totally convinced of her tonedeafness.

bugger, it's back in my head now. as sung by HER.
( ascorbate, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Dear god she needed a fucking slap
She hurt my ears, the tone deaf cunt.

Was lovely meeting you Vit C and I'm sorry for calling you Dora, it's DiT's fault. I also met no fat and grumpy bitch, just an intelligent one with a distaste for American politicians. Fine in my book :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 19:05, Reply)

I'm going on Dragon's Den with my luxury whale cock golf bag that ejaculates golf clubs.
I had worried that I'd taken things too far with the mime. A pleasure to meet you!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:32, Reply)

if
you put little golf club covers on each of the clubs before making the caddy ejaculate, it would increase the verisimilitude - like lots of very stiff sperm jumping out of it.

I may be over thinking this.
( ascorbate, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:40, Reply)

overthinking it or not
you used the word verisimilitude which should be acknowledged and applauded, or not actually rewarded.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 14:41, Reply)

"I met some lovely b3tans at the weekend"
Coincidentally I met some distinctly average ones.

Best moment of the night for me was bill introducing himself to me, offering a handshake and saying, "Hi, I'm Bill."

I thought he was being funny. 10 minutes later he realised who I was. New haircut FTW!
( djtrialprice, Mon 17 Aug 2009, 15:16, Reply)