Dull corporate speak
The company for whom I work recently changed hands; it went from being an investment bank with German roots to a VERY GERMAN investment bank based in Germany. To celebrate the change, our desktop wallpaper was changed:



There are several things wrong with this backdrop, not least of which is the perfunctory, drab and emotionless way of describing what can be a dynamic and interesting business.

The Tokyo branch where I work is being closed down soon anyway, so I'm beyond caring at this point. However, I think the employees of the new 'streamlined' organisation deserve better than this so I've been busy thinking of better hook lines... see replies for details, please add more if you can think of any.
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 8:41, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yes, I was really this bored today
Initially, I was just dumbfounded at the hook line. It's appallingly functional, so with that in mind, I set out to go one better:

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I also realised that the people in shot weren't exactly representative of my old company's workforce:



This is German for "What do you mean we look like a German stereotype?":



Then I started getting juvenile (it didn't take long):







Finally, for now at least, this one sums it up best for my office:


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Give it your best shot. What would you write as the hook line for this wonderful scene?
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 8:41, Reply)

I did this one too
It rebalances the ethnic mix nicely, in a Microsoft style:



I think they might have cloned out someone on the left hand side too. Who or what could it have been, to have been smudged so amateurishly into oblivion?
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 9:06, Reply)

So yeah, three men walk into a pub.
Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 3 Sep 2009, 8:45, Reply)

Kind of bindun
but thanks anyway
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 8:51, Reply)

Ok then...
Photoshop the director as a clown.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 3 Sep 2009, 9:21, Reply)

"So, this one time, at band camp..."

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 3 Sep 2009, 8:57, Reply)

He does have that look about him
I bet he's a flautist
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 9:03, Reply)

I thought so too,
except I was thinking more of a Trumpeter.

Maybe he likes both.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 3 Sep 2009, 9:04, Reply)

my money's on the pink oboe

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 9:53, Reply)

"Hm, yes, more grey - I like that"
"and maybe something right at the front of the picture obscuring a quarter of the image so as it looks as though we're being spied on as we do good"
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 9:04, Reply)

Isn't it just...
...so very... battleship grey.
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 9:10, Reply)

There's no black people in that photo,
1 out of every 4 people in corperate photo's should be black.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 9:19, Reply)

See above
I fixed it
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 9:55, Reply)

Shamelessly pinched

"Well, this is great work and I don't see anything wrong with it, but I'm gonna have to make you change most of it, otherwise I won't feel as important as I need to feel in order to compensate for my feeling of insignificance in every other area of my life."
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 10:05, Reply)

How about...
I've gathered you all here today to let you know my HIV test came back positive... I'm sorry... I suggest you all go and get yourselves checked out and I promise to rubber-up in future...

or

Stefan's sorted out the big bag of crack, Aneka's ordered a joblot of vibrators, flesh lights and self-warming silicone-based lubricants and I've booked the donkey show for eight-thirty. This is going to be the best Christmas party ever!

or (falling back on the tried and tested German racial stereotype)

We'll start our campaign in Poland and play it by ear from there.

and

World Domination? Do it the German way!
( SpankyHanky, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 10:10, Reply)

Quick question
Do the initials SL mean anything to you?
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 10:18, Reply)

Salami Lover?
Sherbert Lemons?
Poncey Mercedes sportscar?
Half of SLUG?
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Slipmatt & Lime?
Ay ay, baday, a-walla-die-day

GWAN
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 14:42, Reply)