Dear Sexmonkey
My beloved partner goes on too long. Every time we start a meal he's sitting there half an hour later, chewing away on his starter at the speed of a broken down glacier while I've finished desert, liqueurs and the cheap nasty chocolates that come with the bill. I love him deeply and am prepared to cope with this heinous personal defect but I do worry that the long autumn days of our lives together will consist of me threatening to kill him with the cheap nursing home cutlery for not eating fast enough.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 15:46, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

you'll be in the home long before him surely?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 15:47, Reply)

I meant when he's visiting me there.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 15:48, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 15:49, Reply)

But does he go on too long
when you're having sexytiem?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 15:48, Reply)

I'm saving that information for future QOTW fodder.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 15:50, Reply)

I used to suffer from that problem
but these days I'm suffering from a severe case of two-minutesthenfallasleepitis.

Stupid old age is catching up with me.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 15:52, Reply)

Should be good
I await the tale with bated breath.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 15:52, Reply)

Throw his plate at him
Scream, then break down in tears and tell him exactly what you think of him. The problem will be solved.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 15:48, Reply)

in all fairness
his tiny cat mouth can only take small nibblets
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 16:00, Reply)

I hope
he doesn't sit and lick his arse after dinner.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 16:01, Reply)

his CHCB's

MMmmmMMMmmm... rimming
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 16:02, Reply)

This is CHCB's Mr
www.cool-retro-tshirts.co.uk/tshirt-images/Henrys%20Cat.jpg
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Sep 2009, 16:04, Reply)