I'm curruntly working in lovely, modern offices
There are Plasma TVs on the walls, and projectors showing Casablanca and Some Like It Hot on loop. We have pictures of Marilyn Monroe on most of the walls, and really fancy lighting coming down in big spikes from the ceiling.

However, in the toilets there are photos of Angelina Jolie topless and Cameron Diaz in her pants overlooking the urinals, there are photos of Jordan and other glamour models (sophisticated ones, not filth) in the cubicles, and when I first saw them I thought I'd accidentally walked into some sort of futuristic wanking station.

I can't help but find peeing with Jolie and Diaz looking over my shoulders a bit off-putting. If you could have anyone watch you pee, who would it be, and why?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 15:59, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I hate people even being around when I'm peeing
no idea why, but I suffer from stagefright.

woe betide anyone who should try to talk to me at the urinal....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:03, Reply)

You've got a shy cock?
I got that yesterday, but I think it's because the guy beside me was black, so I was worried about being upstaged. Today somebody with a tiny cock pee'd beside me, so I leaned backwards and wiggled ostentatiously
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:06, Reply)

seems that way
it's of average size, so it's not because I'm ashamed of it or anything. just one of the those things. makes going for a slash in a crowded pub a pain until I get pissed enough for it not to happen.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:08, Reply)

You need classes in cockpride
I want you to be able to stomp into the bogs with your cock already out, waggling it at strangers, piss in concentric circles, and then dry it off by giving it a 'donk' on the attendant's head
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:11, Reply)

I'll give it a go

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:13, Reply)

Start out small
get it out at your next book club meeting, it'll be a conversation starter
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:14, Reply)

I regularly watch people pee
Nope, it's not one for this week's QOTW.
I'm just a quizmistress, and my posters are dotted about the pub. One of them is over the urinals.
My friends/colleagues regularly approach me saying "You were watching me pee last night."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Pee-dophile!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Yes
Because the eyes are cut out and I'm really watching from behind the wall.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:10, Reply)

Quizmistress? Cuts out eyeholes from pictures?
Watches people pee? What the hell kind of sick Scooby Doo baddie are you?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:12, Reply)

You saw me go into your lounge
but I came out of the shed.
How?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:16, Reply)

You used a solid-projector
to create a hologram of yourself in the lounge, the one of you coming out of the shed was Seamus the angry groundsman wearing a mask to look like you.

You were actually in your control room, designing a robotic mummy to scare tourists away from your funfair as part of an insurance scam.

AICMFP
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:19, Reply)

*hands over fiver*
Although the groundsman was also wearing a wig. You can buy my hair for exactly £5 in Smiffy's. Not that I'm telling you what to do with your fiver...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:23, Reply)

I'm going to be a
ROOTA
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Apparently there were loads of Root-a-likes on X Factor last week
Is it too soon to halloweenify my name yet?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:28, Reply)

Hallowe'en is my birthday
change your name to Happy Birthday Bert

and what's a root-a-like?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:30, Reply)

I like my Halloween name better
They all had my wigs on.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:34, Reply)

Your name is scary now
I'm going to hide behind my couch
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:43, Reply)

I'm starting a service - Halloweenifying usernames.
You can be Mankeysox.
They're well scary.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:46, Reply)

Or Wankeysox?
Terrifying
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:47, Reply)

Too dissimilar.
You have to be identifiable.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:48, Reply)

I don't wanna be identifiable!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:49, Reply)

Ok.
Be Wankeysox. See if I care.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:50, Reply)

I'm not changing my name again
people steal my name and it makes me sulk forever and ever and ever and ever
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:51, Reply)

Excuse me but.........
Pix or it never happened isn't true!
( Peej, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:07, Reply)

I'm not going into the men's toilets with my cameraphone held out
again
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Then I refuse to believe you!

( Peej, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:23, Reply)

You could always come to the toilets with me?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:27, Reply)

only if you promise
to molest me.
( Peej, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 20:30, Reply)

That's a strange toilet!
Do you know what's in the ladies loos... have you been informed or had a peepers!!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:59, Reply)

I've been told it's all Calvin Klein models

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:13, Reply)

Ooooh
Hawt!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:16, Reply)

=C

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:24, Reply)

Warwick Davis
He'd not be able to look over my shoulder and put me off.
( Weejock, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:02, Reply)

What if he had a stepladder, fucko?

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:13, Reply)