I would keep Verne Troyer in a little plant pot
and pay him to jump out to swat away all the nasty scary spiders that keep webbing the whole shed up, and maybe get him to do sex with a garden gnome while I watch.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:04, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Apparently
conkers keeps them away.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Clearly you're talking about some sort of voodoo magic
are you a witch?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:10, Reply)

I've been called that

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:18, Reply)

We're going to have to chuck you in the lake to see if you float

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:19, Reply)

I shall swim to the bottom
and then drag you all under when you come back in the summer.

They'll make a film about it and only the virgins will survive.

So most of the members of b3ta will be safe.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:22, Reply)

Woohoo!
I'll be first to go, because I'm a whore
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:27, Reply)

Obviously.
And next to go will be Al and the goats - remember them? Scorned by you all.

Bastards.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:32, Reply)

I'm still in love with the goats
they jsut haven't been mentioned for a while because of that E.Coli outbreak at Horton Farm

I'm the one who infected the animals, and the children
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:41, Reply)

Glad to hear it
poor goats.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:46, Reply)

You could glue loads of hair onto his entire body and call him 'Mini-me'.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:06, Reply)

Good idea
but I prefer to use sellotape when I'm attaching my clippings to midgets
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Garden gnomes!
That's what I need.

Ta.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Get ones that look mischievous

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:12, Reply)

Mine are going to be evil ones
who whisper and play with magnetic gold fish in their wishing wells.

I've got it all planned out.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:18, Reply)

You'll need a whole army of them
and start them off on one side of your garden, but slowly move them slightly closer to your neighbour's fence every day
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:21, Reply)

And they'll all have bad paint jobs
so they look like burns victims.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:22, Reply)

Bury some of them up to the tip of their hats
and make it look like they're emerging from the ground as zombie gnomes
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:27, Reply)

I think zombies might just be a step too far
I don't want anyone thinking I'm unhinged or anything.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 16:33, Reply)