I've discovered something that made me laugh and thought I'd share it
If you read the first and last paragraph of almost all of Spanky Hanky's stories they're even funnier. Not that the originals aren't funny, I just don't always have time to read the whole thing. And you can make up what happened in the middle. Just like he does ha ha!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:49, 100 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I disagree with you in the strongest possible terms.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:51, Reply)

you disagree
with everyone
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:52, Reply)

No I don't,
I do however think spankyhanky is one of the worst things about b3ta.
His comedy is either about wanking or "and then I got off the bus". He basically spams every question.

I don't understand the appeal at all.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:55, Reply)

when he writes a true one
as I believe his latest is, it's pretty well written
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:56, Reply)

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:58, Reply)

haha nice usage

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:01, Reply)

Jealous?

You haven't exactly been a source of great writing or humor on this site. You seem to spend a lot of your time here telling people what is wrong with other people.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:54, Reply)

This is another reason why I dislike him,
or should I say the cult of spankyhanky, as soon as I critise him about 6 or 7 people tell me that I'm jealous and that I couldn't write as well about wanking as him.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:00, Reply)

It's not just writing about wanking,
It's about being entertaining instead of boring.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:09, Reply)

why do you think PsychoChomp is boring?

( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:11, Reply)

because they don't bother having a conversation with me.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:18, Reply)

well if you're just going to come over here from /talk
and criticize people it's not surprising really
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:20, Reply)

I don't at all,
I actually have conversations with whoever wants one but since the recent drama I'm a target for anyone who want to prove what a terrible bully I am.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:21, Reply)

haha, bully?
you're one of the nice ones aren't you?
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:22, Reply)

He’s not a bully.

He’s just judgmental which gets really boring, especially when you consider what he always writes.

(I'm boring too and usually screw up when I try to be funny.)
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:25, Reply)

he does seem a little judgmental now you mention it
i never really read his posts on /talk
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:28, Reply)

I'm too old and slow
to keep up with things on talk. It's a little slower here which allows me to actually, occasionally get some work done.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:31, Reply)

/talk is pretty slow these days
it's probably still not worth spending the time to learn what you can post that won't upset them though
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:33, Reply)

No., it's because you are?
(I know, it's actually me, I am too much of a mong to follow your deep intellectual pontifications).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:22, Reply)

What the fuck has it got to do with you?
Honestly, it's like I'm insulting your child.
He's rubbish, I need to shout that from the rooftops to couteract his instant /qotw front pages and dozens of "lol" replies.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:11, Reply)

You are a little sensitive on this topic?

His posts are much more entertaining than yours, and trust me, his are no more repetitious than yours.

As to what the fuck has it got to do with me, what the fuck has it got to do with you? If you quack on about how bad someone is, you don't expect people to respond with anything other than adoration of your with and skill at writing?
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:20, Reply)

he is right though, that usually tends to carry some weight
regardless of relative eloquence
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:23, Reply)

Even if he is right
(which in this case, I don't think he is), what does it matter? It's b3ta on the f'ing internet; it's supposed to be fun. If she wants to be serious, there are plenty of places to discourse on the relative merits of literary figures and show off her great knowledge.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:28, Reply)

yeah, the answer to that is not get all serious yourself
i would have thought
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:29, Reply)

I hate to say it dude
and I respect you and all, but Chomp is amusing and original and occasionally has me in fits, while SH passed his peak a long time ago and now seems to post exactly the same stuff every week.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:27, Reply)

I used to like /qotw a lot, i don't anymore.
Mainly because of him. The best thing about /qotw is the honest, funny stories from people who've got something interesting to say about the topic.

The worst thing is the self congratulatory lies and childish puns. Or stories that are crowbared into a topic they have nothing to do with.

I really don't care about the writing style, at all. If you're literate and you've got something to say that's good if you've got nothing to say then it doesn't matter how many extender metaphors you use it'll still be dull.

He's the poster boy for everything I dislike about /qotw and so I put the blame on him for making a page I used to really enjoy into something I honestly can't stand.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:30, Reply)

what does the actual question answering part of QOTW have to do with offtopic though?
this is just /talk lite isn't it
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:32, Reply)

yeah /offtopic is talk with pictures,
/qotw is a totally different beast.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:34, Reply)

huh, i forgot that you can post pictures here

( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:35, Reply)

I didn't realize he had that much power/influence.
We should hang him as a heritic.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:33, Reply)

That really is an idea I can get behind.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:34, Reply)

Burn him at the stake!
Off with his head!
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:37, Reply)

Good, a convert.
My work here is done.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:39, Reply)

Off with the heads of all the b3ta"ers
(except me of course).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:46, Reply)

Exactly this.
Especially 'self-congratulatory lies'.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 23:01, Reply)

I don't really enjoy reading his stories either
hence why I suggested reading the top and bottom lines. A lot of people do find him funny and I didn't want to offend him or start a thread just to slag him off, which was why I worded it in what I thought was a neutral manner.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:58, Reply)

I don't think slagging off of him would even register in his mind.
Or get past the legions of retarded fans of his.

but well done that was diplomatic of you. I thought you were a fan from the original post.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:01, Reply)

To be completely honest
I didn't want to get in trouble by starting another big offtopic battle by attacking one of the elders.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:03, Reply)

You'll be suprised how few people like him.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:04, Reply)

this is the internet
you can say whatever you like to whoever you like, what would be the point otherwise?
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:10, Reply)

check the popular page for examples of why that isn't the case, for the moment at least.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:11, Reply)

good god, i'd not looked at that before
it seems like very serious business
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:13, Reply)

vry srs bsns

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:14, Reply)

a fair portion of it from you

( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:15, Reply)

I'm a very serious guy.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:16, Reply)

someone has to be, i guess

( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:17, Reply)

What the heck is the popular
page anyway? (I know, I'm an ignorant dumb shit).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:35, Reply)

it's where stuff goes if people click i like this enough
generally it'll consist of cheap insults and internet drama
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:39, Reply)

and how do you get to it?

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:49, Reply)

it's at the top of the main page next to the new thread button, i think it's fairly new here
www.b3ta.com/questions/ot-popular/
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:51, Reply)

Thanks
Now I fell as if I belong (I know it's only a fantasy, but let me have it).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 19:03, Reply)

I love the fact that DG's ridiculous post is still top

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:14, Reply)

I might try your suggested technique
I find most of them fall under the tl;dr category
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:04, Reply)

i don't know who Spanky Hanky is

( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:51, Reply)

Are you new!?
SpankyHanky is a legend on these boards. A week doesn't go by when he's not in the best of for QOTW
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:54, Reply)

i don't read QOTW anymore

( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:56, Reply)

you'd really hate him.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:55, Reply)

really now,
i don't hate anyone
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:56, Reply)

This may change your mind
www.b3ta.com/search/answers/48610/sex?q=fucked+her
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 16:58, Reply)

i think i get the idea just from the search text

( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:01, Reply)

there's 3 pages of results.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:02, Reply)

Whether you like his stories or not
That is some dedication right there people
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:04, Reply)

It's fucking wierd is what it is.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:05, Reply)

it is slightly odd
do we know anything about the person behind it?
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:06, Reply)

do we need to?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:10, Reply)

He looks like a nob?
www.b3tards.com/u/061088091d205081053e/l_f2ef697080f23f38ba7327550cbb228e.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:10, Reply)

How'd you do that?
Stalker
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:14, Reply)

It's in his profile
Hang on a minute, Chomp, were you that Disco Dancer last night?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:15, Reply)

No, I don't do meat puppets,
that's just wierd.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:16, Reply)

Ah never saw that

He's right about the pic though...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:18, Reply)

Aw now that's nasty
Considering 99% of b3tans are surely fairly nerdy internets abuse at pics is low when you've not got any up of your own!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:17, Reply)

I'm in the bash pool
do your own legwork
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:19, Reply)

It's one thing being in a bash pool
Frankly I daren't look in amongst the horrors

But picking one out to slag is fairly low in my humblest of opinions
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:26, Reply)

he's wearing a hat, indoors.
That's fair game. fact.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 18:03, Reply)

who cares what anyone on here looks like?

( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:20, Reply)

I care what I look like
that probably doesn't count though right?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:23, Reply)

one thing's for certain
you're very red.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:29, Reply)

i used to be magenta
the red is a lot easier on the eyes
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:34, Reply)

Well well well, well

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:37, Reply)

yeah, i get that a lot

( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:39, Reply)

Cool.
I'm devastated I'm not original though :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:40, Reply)

i was going by the name 'Penelope'
until just recently, how would you have responded to that?
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:42, Reply)

You did seem too well-established to be a new person
I found it dificult to tell between Penelope and Rosalicious.

then again, Penelope wove a shroud for her father and unpicked it each night. And didn't cheat on her husband, even with him being away for 20. I prefer well.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:46, Reply)

yeah me too,
that's why i switched back to well


also, i think Rosalicious will be amused that you confused the two of us
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:53, Reply)

Rosalicious, the eternal 15 year old
I've never seen her at a bash, even though she supposedly loves them...Huh, commitment.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:56, Reply)

haha
she does love a bash
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:56, Reply)

Fucking hell
It really is turning into a little bitch fest in here, and not in a good way...i wonder who the next 'victim' is gonna be? Personally i don't do bitching in real life and to do it online really seems like a waste of bandwidth.


GAYBAR
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:21, Reply)

Yup, nasty!

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:25, Reply)

bitch fest?
you think?
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:26, Reply)

it is a tad homoerotique, you're right

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:28, Reply)

Spanky = lies
fact
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:10, Reply)

Do we really want the truth from him though?
I, for one, quite enjoy his disgusting stories
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:14, Reply)

yeah but they are all the same

I'm not knocking the bloke, each to their own and all that, I just can't stand the overly long and protracted metaphors/similes.

When you can see the thinking behind a a phrase then it fails.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:16, Reply)

Lies, on the internet, no way, it's not possible
we should hunt him down with a Honda Accord.

Lies or not, his stories are much better written than many of the stories here and if nothing else, make me laugh so hard that at times I think I have hurt myself when trying to keep from being too noisy at my desk.

Do you really think most of the stories on this site about sex etc are true?
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:51, Reply)

i keep trying to point out to /talk that a lot of
the stuff they get upset about is obviously not meant to be taken as truth, but they don't seem to be interested in considering that
( well, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:54, Reply)

Exactly
The truth for a lot of people here is probably pretty boring (except for my life which of course is fun filled and too exciting for the likes of psycho-chomp). I don't read this site to get inspiration from true stories, but to a large extent to laugh on a shitty day.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:59, Reply)

I stopped reading his posts a couple of months ago.
A classic case of quantity over quality.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:12, Reply)

I stopped reading them a while back too
Seems like an OK fellow, but someone THAT obsessed with wanking etc has a bit of a problem. Like, they're a bit of a wanker, perhaps.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 17:19, Reply)

I can't stand his stuff either
Ruined QOTW for me. Just put him on ignore. Then avoid the Best Of in the newsletter.

Cock, cock, cock.

Although be careful accusing SH of shittery- Cunt Cat will be down on you like a ton of sycophantic bricks.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 21:21, Reply)

That's the thing with sycophantic bricks
A ton of 'em weighs the same as a ton of normal bricks.
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 15:07, Reply)