My family drink Toilet Duck and lie under the tree
They get annoying, so I drink more and then I end up singing Carly Simon songs with my mother on the karaoke and hating myself in the morning.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:08, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mine are absolutely no fun, really - my mother hates making Christmas dinner,
my father complains if he can't do and watch exactly what he wants (he despises Christmas because he has to see his family) and I just want to sleep and eat chocolate and play with presents.
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:10, Reply)

We're pissheads. I have to admit.
We think that because we don't do it in the pub that we're respectable.
They are more hardcore than me though. I start to get annoyed.
DON'T MAKE ME SING FAIRGROUND ATTRACTION AGAIN!!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:12, Reply)

Still sounds more fun than mine!
Eastenders and Coronation Street omnibuses are as exciting as it gets and then my mother complains there is too much sexehtiem on TV now...
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:16, Reply)

I am the one who complains about sexytiem
"I'm not watching this, mother! Get it the fuck off!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:20, Reply)

I squirm horribly if there's anything remotely sexy on TV when the parents are in the room.
Somewhere along the line I think I prefer them thinking I'm asexual.
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:27, Reply)

If you want to complete the illusion
Do an auto-bisection whenever the TV is showing something that's not sexy while your parents are in the room. As a bonus, you'll finally get to have a sibling of your own.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:35, Reply)

Ooo. Twins.
I could freak people out with that!
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:38, Reply)

And then both of you could do another auto-bisection
And before long, there'd be masses of you!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:52, Reply)

Ooo, the potential for mayhem!
And giving people the Fear.
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:54, Reply)

So
Would autobisection just be another form of masturbation then?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:16, Reply)

I hope not, since its original purpose was to take place in the same room as my parents!

( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:18, Reply)

Then you could have a sneaky autobisection first
and sneak off somewhere private to do your thing, while your 'twin' does another autobisection in front of your parents.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:32, Reply)

I like this idea.
That way the twin has to stay with the parents and I don't!
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:39, Reply)

Plus we all know that only non-originals prefer parents to orgasms!

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:54, Reply)

non-originals mad people
( Maladicta, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:55, Reply)

Is this because
you come from a family of people with bendy necks?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 20:33, Reply)