sounds like a bunch of things I cook
presentation could use some work before you get on Masterchef though ;-)

can I recommend something to try?

buy some cheap beef, I recommend beef skirt. Slice it as thin as possible across the grain.

Thoroughly season some cornflour with chinese 5 spice, then toss the beef strips in it. shake off the excess and fry in small batches in hot oil to get crispy.

You want to get the oil hot as fuck and cook the beef for as short a time as possible to get it crispy, but still sort of medium rare in the middle.

serve with stir fried veg in some kind of honey and soy based sauce (which you seem to already have the hang of)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:06, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

That sounds really good, like Crispy Beef from the chinese.
I'm going to give that a go, deffinatly.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:08, Reply)

that is almost exactly what it is like
basically, the more and the hotter the oil you use, the crispier it gets. I tend to not use loads, so it's like medium rare steak with a crispy tasty coating, but if you kind of deepish fry it you should be able to get it like the stuff from the takeaway
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:12, Reply)

I'll deffo enjoy that.
I might try doing something with rice next, I never use rice.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:19, Reply)

if you are going to cook the rice with the intention of frying it
use basmati, don't cook it till it's ready to eat, cook it until it's a few minutes from done, and give it as much time as possible to drain. the drier the better when frying rice.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:22, Reply)

Yeah', I can imagine it spits a lot with all the water.
I was thinking along the lines of some sort of rissotto maybe.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:22, Reply)

Rice fries best when cold, from experience

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:23, Reply)

this is true
once cooked, run it under cold water to stop the cooking process, then leave to drain for ages
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:25, Reply)

I have just the recipe for you
www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2818/ovenbaked-risotto-

very easy for a beginner to cooking risotto (like me)

I tend to roast some chunks of butternut squash for 20 minutes with some oil and seasoning and then adding to this, and some peas.

if you are feeling fancy, season, then fry some scallops and scatter them over the top before serving

edit: fucking good job I'm cooking something tasty tonight. I'm starving now
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:24, Reply)

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
I'm going to do that tomorow, but instead of bacon, I'm going to use Black Pudding and Scallops, and arrange it really nicely (to help work on my presentation)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:26, Reply)

that sounds great
black pudding and scallops are one of my favourite combinations.

get some crusty bread to go with it. part-baked rolls are best
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:28, Reply)

Oh man, I'm looking forward to this =D
Tonight I'm doing the steak'n'chips, ribeye... my mum showed me how to do them and they're amazing.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:31, Reply)

I really want to eat that risotto
I only had it a few days ago...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:34, Reply)

I went to Tayyab's on my own the other day
They cocked up my order and gave me a family-sized portion of their signature dish, 'dry meat'. Fuck me it was HUGE - and they just said 'have it anyway' so I took most of it home. Marvellous stuff.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:29, Reply)

I need to go to this place

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:30, Reply)

When you've been
I give you my absolute guarantee that you will regard every other curry you've ever had as terrible in comparison - even those that you thought were great, will suddenly seem rubbish in comparison.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:39, Reply)

I can't think that I would describe any curry that I've had out as great
I've had plenty of good ones, but none that are great. The south west doesn't have the standard of curry and chinese that is available in that London, or places like Brum.

I've cooked a couple of pretty mean ones myself, but the best ones are more tagine like than curry I'd say.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:43, Reply)

my old music collaborator
used to do a mean chicken and apricot curry which was v tagine-y. Having been to Morocco (I wonder why I went there, eh?) I could happily go ten years without having another tagine. Not the most imaginative bunch I found- though I did have the most incredible seafood of my life, grilled on the quayside, fresh out of the sea.

Mind-bogglish hashish too. I had the closest to an out of body experience on it. Whilst having sex. Bizarrely it's possible this was my daughter's conception.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:56, Reply)

nice
the one I have in mind is a lamb one. really rich and thick and delicious, and then to make it extra awesome you melt a load of butter with cardamom pods, cinnamon sticks and dried apricots in it and pour it over the top before serving.

that sounds good. I haven't had any truly mind-bending gear for ages. I reckon I might make a bong over christmas. It's been too long since I had one, and I need to get that big bong smile.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 17:01, Reply)

Christ I've not had a bong in aaaages
I used to live on them. In the old crusty traveller days we used to smoke hot tongs - antique iron curling tongs heated up with a blowtorch, a small blim of hash dropped in, close, fill up a milk bottle with smoke...inhale. Die.

I took my tong kit with me when I started university - I scared the shit out of the other halls residents, the poofs.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 17:05, Reply)

haha
I've always been excellent at hand crafting bongs from plastic bottles. just need a trusty metal tube and a socket set.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 17:30, Reply)

I had an incredibly industrious pal
who made amazing devices using Jack Daniel's bottles, tubing and fishtank sealant, with a glass-cutting drillbit. His crowning glory was a double bong made from a wine bottle with a hurrican lamp on top, so the smoke went through two chambers before you toked it.

Design award winning stuff, in a parallel universe.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 17:42, Reply)

Can't go wrong with soy sauce and honey..
Bang a bit of tomato puree in there and some five spice and you can make an awesome sticky chinese coating thing for meat.
(barnaby_kettleworth, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:20, Reply)