Would you eat human flesh?
I'd be tempted, I think, if it were cooked nicely. I wouldn't eat penis or arse like Armin Miewes or Albert Fish, mind you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:46, 116 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Nah
I wouldn't.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:49, Reply)

Why not? Not even just a little bit of barbecued leg, or something?
It tastes just like pork apparently.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:50, Reply)

If it was like that Alive situation
then I assume I would.
But not in an everyday dinner party scenario, with seasoning and that.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:52, Reply)

I'd only eat it if it came from a small child
anything older and it would be tough and horrible. Unless it was in a casoulet.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:53, Reply)

You know your stuff
Want a bit of seasonal work in my deli?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:54, Reply)

I imagine athletic types would be like stewing steak
If you slow-cooked them for long enough they might be OK. Adults would have more flavour, like mutton over lamb.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:55, Reply)

I reckon the ribs would be good
slow cooked in bbq sauce, then flame-grilled
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:57, Reply)

No of course I wouldn't.
stupid question, NEXT
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:49, Reply)

I saw some cannibals on one of those anthropological shows
and it's been in the back of my mind ever since.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:53, Reply)

What sort of Tampons do you use when you're on?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:53, Reply)

I don't use any, they're all stuck up cunts.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:55, Reply)

cooked, raw or cured?
i reckon i could do air-dried if i needed to.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:53, Reply)

Man-jerky?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:57, Reply)

no, just been for one thanks

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:57, Reply)

i made some pork-jerky a couple of years ago, wasn't a rip-roaring success but edible.
a bit of practice...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:01, Reply)

one of my mates made some beef biltong the other week
in a drying box made of cardboard and the bottom of a lava lamp

it was fucking amazing. we're making more over christmas
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:01, Reply)

what cut did he use? might be tempted to try that...
a regular 30watt bulb would do i reckon.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:24, Reply)

I think he used topside or top rump
but the recipe called for something cheaper.

he didn't cut it thin enough either, but the end product was still delicious and worked very well.

think this is the recipe he used
www.channel4.com/food/recipes/chefs/hugh-fearnley-whittingstall/biltong-recipe_p_1.html

cut it thinner than hugh suggests, and go with a bit less salt.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:28, Reply)

coolio. gonna try that!
i will let you know how it works out...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:40, Reply)

Yes, of course.

( thealternativefact, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:56, Reply)

depends on the situation
how they had died, their lifestyle, my situation.

I wouldn't eat Monty for example.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:56, Reply)

You'd be buzzing for DAYS

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:02, Reply)

Pussy.
Not scared of a few toxins, are you, boy?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:03, Reply)

it's all the anger and bile
can't be good for the taste.

flim-flam is terminally happy, let's eat her
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:07, Reply)

Creepiest pandering ever

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:07, Reply)

not the first time I've said I'd eat an attractive young woman
without it being a euphemism
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Hahahha
That would make a truly disturbing gaz, eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:10, Reply)

I'll take his liver
Mmmm, toxinny goodness
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:06, Reply)

I don't like Chianti, which I understand is de rigeur for this sort of thing.
Otherwise, why not?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:03, Reply)

Nah,
if sharks don't think we taste good then we probably don't.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:05, Reply)

Don't sharks like the taste of us?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:07, Reply)

No apparently not
when they bite surfers they usually spit them out and they only attack us by mistake thinking we're delicious seals or similar.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:36, Reply)

I'm bloody insulted.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:38, Reply)

I would be very annoyed
if I got bitten by a shark and he didn't even have the decency to finish me off.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:41, Reply)

I should think that the last thing on your mind
after being bitten by a shark would be whether it was going to then bring you to orgasm...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:46, Reply)

some people orgasm in a time of great peril as some sort of weird defence mechanism
and I can think of worse ways to spend my last few seconds on earth.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:51, Reply)

very good point
I withdraw my statement. :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:54, Reply)

I go away for half an hour and everything descends into filth

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:13, Reply)

jealous?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:20, Reply)

Fuming!!!!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:25, Reply)

I'll work on the mrs, see if you can have a go
;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:29, Reply)

you're such a decent chap.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:31, Reply)

aren't I?
no wonder I am so widely liked and respected ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:37, Reply)

Some sharks do
and Crocodiles
And Hippos
And Polar Bears
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:08, Reply)

did you see that picture in the news
of that big polar bear eating a baby polar bear? It was gross, the picture nicely captures the snow glinting off all the blood and goo dripping from the little cub's decapitated head. Turned his fur all red it did.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:38, Reply)

Sharks can't cook.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Hmmmmm
That's a good point
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:12, Reply)

that just shows how little you know about sharks

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:12, Reply)

how embarrassing
*deletes account*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:15, Reply)

I don't mind eating your mum

( broadsword, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Unless you're a bird you've no chance.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:17, Reply)

The breast?

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:24, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:29, Reply)

YAY!

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:29, Reply)

what about that Japanese cannibal fellow?
He ate a French student. Never really got done for it and now he's a television star in Japan. It's like The King of Comedy but with added cannibalism.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:27, Reply)

Is that true Monty?
Or are you on teh drugz again?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:28, Reply)

My brother is an expert on this kind of thing
I'm confident to pass on his information as fact.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Issei_Sagawa

Ta-daa!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:30, Reply)

Your brother sounds like a gem...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:32, Reply)

He's got an even more macabre sense of humour than me
He collects Victorian midget postcards, for example.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:33, Reply)

does he look like anyone?
for him to be truly excellent he needs to look like Rasputin or something
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Harry Potter, nowadays
He used to have three foot stinking dreadlocks back in the day.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Phwoar
He sounds like a real catch.
And imagine the family photos. King Charles and Harry Potter! Does your sister look like Dot Cotton?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:37, Reply)

no, Geoff Capes

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:40, Reply)

*swoons*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:42, Reply)

Are either of your siblings single?
I'd like me a slice...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:43, Reply)

Sadly not, just me, the dull one....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:44, Reply)

And you should come with a bloody healthy warning as well.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:20, Reply)

ha!
Blimey, only in Japan.
He does restaurant reviews...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:36, Reply)

Don't think so :)
Though I'd probably kill someone if I had to.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:40, Reply)

Well if they're just lying there all murdered
You may as well have a bite to eat as well...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:42, Reply)

Rude not to...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:44, Reply)

fuck it, if you've murdered someone why not tuck in?
can only help with the insanity plea, and you have the added bonus that it might give you special powers

like in this great film: www.imdb.com/title/tt0129332/
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:45, Reply)

Not as good as 'cannibal superstar', but looks good...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:06, Reply)

there is a thoroughly entertaining bit at the end involving a bear trap and a really great line
:-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:07, Reply)

Could I use my griddle?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:53, Reply)

By all means, my dear fellow

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:14, Reply)

All righty then
break out the man-steaks.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:21, Reply)

I'd be sorely tempted
Assuming y'know some sort of vat grown sort of dealie or something, like in Iain Banks' State of the Art. I'd certainly be curious. Would you be better off slow cooking or beasting it at a high heat. Could you do a curry with it? Man-rogon or something maybe.
(barnaby_kettleworth, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 15:59, Reply)

Rogan Josh
made from the flesh of a man named Josh.

Like it!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:15, Reply)

How about an Australian Chav called Josh
Then you could have Bogan Josh!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:23, Reply)

That's some advanced level shit right there

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:41, Reply)

Speaking of food, I made my own version of Pad Thai last night...... I call it Pad Gonz
blog.90nz0.com/2009/12/21/pad-gonz/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:01, Reply)

sounds like a bunch of things I cook
presentation could use some work before you get on Masterchef though ;-)

can I recommend something to try?

buy some cheap beef, I recommend beef skirt. Slice it as thin as possible across the grain.

Thoroughly season some cornflour with chinese 5 spice, then toss the beef strips in it. shake off the excess and fry in small batches in hot oil to get crispy.

You want to get the oil hot as fuck and cook the beef for as short a time as possible to get it crispy, but still sort of medium rare in the middle.

serve with stir fried veg in some kind of honey and soy based sauce (which you seem to already have the hang of)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:06, Reply)

That sounds really good, like Crispy Beef from the chinese.
I'm going to give that a go, deffinatly.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:08, Reply)

that is almost exactly what it is like
basically, the more and the hotter the oil you use, the crispier it gets. I tend to not use loads, so it's like medium rare steak with a crispy tasty coating, but if you kind of deepish fry it you should be able to get it like the stuff from the takeaway
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:12, Reply)

I'll deffo enjoy that.
I might try doing something with rice next, I never use rice.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:19, Reply)

if you are going to cook the rice with the intention of frying it
use basmati, don't cook it till it's ready to eat, cook it until it's a few minutes from done, and give it as much time as possible to drain. the drier the better when frying rice.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:22, Reply)

Yeah', I can imagine it spits a lot with all the water.
I was thinking along the lines of some sort of rissotto maybe.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:22, Reply)

Rice fries best when cold, from experience

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:23, Reply)

this is true
once cooked, run it under cold water to stop the cooking process, then leave to drain for ages
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:25, Reply)

I have just the recipe for you
www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2818/ovenbaked-risotto-

very easy for a beginner to cooking risotto (like me)

I tend to roast some chunks of butternut squash for 20 minutes with some oil and seasoning and then adding to this, and some peas.

if you are feeling fancy, season, then fry some scallops and scatter them over the top before serving

edit: fucking good job I'm cooking something tasty tonight. I'm starving now
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:24, Reply)

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
I'm going to do that tomorow, but instead of bacon, I'm going to use Black Pudding and Scallops, and arrange it really nicely (to help work on my presentation)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:26, Reply)

that sounds great
black pudding and scallops are one of my favourite combinations.

get some crusty bread to go with it. part-baked rolls are best
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:28, Reply)

Oh man, I'm looking forward to this =D
Tonight I'm doing the steak'n'chips, ribeye... my mum showed me how to do them and they're amazing.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:31, Reply)

I really want to eat that risotto
I only had it a few days ago...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:34, Reply)

I went to Tayyab's on my own the other day
They cocked up my order and gave me a family-sized portion of their signature dish, 'dry meat'. Fuck me it was HUGE - and they just said 'have it anyway' so I took most of it home. Marvellous stuff.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:29, Reply)

I need to go to this place

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:30, Reply)

When you've been
I give you my absolute guarantee that you will regard every other curry you've ever had as terrible in comparison - even those that you thought were great, will suddenly seem rubbish in comparison.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:39, Reply)

I can't think that I would describe any curry that I've had out as great
I've had plenty of good ones, but none that are great. The south west doesn't have the standard of curry and chinese that is available in that London, or places like Brum.

I've cooked a couple of pretty mean ones myself, but the best ones are more tagine like than curry I'd say.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:43, Reply)

my old music collaborator
used to do a mean chicken and apricot curry which was v tagine-y. Having been to Morocco (I wonder why I went there, eh?) I could happily go ten years without having another tagine. Not the most imaginative bunch I found- though I did have the most incredible seafood of my life, grilled on the quayside, fresh out of the sea.

Mind-bogglish hashish too. I had the closest to an out of body experience on it. Whilst having sex. Bizarrely it's possible this was my daughter's conception.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:56, Reply)

nice
the one I have in mind is a lamb one. really rich and thick and delicious, and then to make it extra awesome you melt a load of butter with cardamom pods, cinnamon sticks and dried apricots in it and pour it over the top before serving.

that sounds good. I haven't had any truly mind-bending gear for ages. I reckon I might make a bong over christmas. It's been too long since I had one, and I need to get that big bong smile.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 17:01, Reply)

Christ I've not had a bong in aaaages
I used to live on them. In the old crusty traveller days we used to smoke hot tongs - antique iron curling tongs heated up with a blowtorch, a small blim of hash dropped in, close, fill up a milk bottle with smoke...inhale. Die.

I took my tong kit with me when I started university - I scared the shit out of the other halls residents, the poofs.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 17:05, Reply)

haha
I've always been excellent at hand crafting bongs from plastic bottles. just need a trusty metal tube and a socket set.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 17:30, Reply)

I had an incredibly industrious pal
who made amazing devices using Jack Daniel's bottles, tubing and fishtank sealant, with a glass-cutting drillbit. His crowning glory was a double bong made from a wine bottle with a hurrican lamp on top, so the smoke went through two chambers before you toked it.

Design award winning stuff, in a parallel universe.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 17:42, Reply)

Can't go wrong with soy sauce and honey..
Bang a bit of tomato puree in there and some five spice and you can make an awesome sticky chinese coating thing for meat.
(barnaby_kettleworth, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:20, Reply)

It's all about the chopped nuts on top
I love Pad Thai. The Coach & Horses in Stoke Newington does a fabulous one - as well as having a great jukebox full of vintage punk rock.

Monty's review: 7/10 (the venue is slightly skanky)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:08, Reply)

Cock'n'Dragon in Cockfosters, and The Waggon in southgate are both excelent thai places.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:19, Reply)

Bit of a hike for me from home, but I'll make a note, thanks Gonz
My office is in North Finchley which is not so far from these places is it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:26, Reply)

Not at all, if you're driving, it'll only take about 15 minuites, depending on traffic.
Is it near Tally Ho where you are?

If you fancy trying them out, I'll be more than happy to come along =)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:27, Reply)

Yeah just up from there (opposite Sainsbury's pretty much)
I'll ask you about this in the New Year then - I'm always up for trying a new restaurant. Cheers!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:30, Reply)

Whicked =D

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:32, Reply)

I'd say
Brittany Murphy tastes pretty good.

rafter
baz

Too soon?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:02, Reply)

Much
She should be hung for 28 days to mature the flavour
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:16, Reply)

Yes

( Peej, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:23, Reply)

I get the impression that you already have....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:26, Reply)

maybe

( Peej, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:26, Reply)