Christmas Miracle
As we all know the birth of Jebus is a magical time of wonderment and as such lots of aweosme things happen.

My Christmas miracle was that my car fixed itself. Praise Jebus and Mary and the holy goat!

Sadly I didn't win the lottery and as such am back at work which sucks and if one more person who didn't have to work over Christmas says "Feels like I've never been away!" I will hit them in the face with a die cut tray
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:26, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Feels like I've never been away

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I will punch you until
you look like Susan Boyle
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:29, Reply)

punching people to improve their looks is an odd concept

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:31, Reply)

*points at sig*
Pitchshifter?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:34, Reply)

it is indeed
recently reminded of them

you well?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Not too bad apart from
never felt Christmassy and I hate new year and I hate people saying "Happy New Year" like fucking joybots until March.

Apart from that... not too bad
You?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:36, Reply)

pretty good
being back at work is shit naturally, but I'll get over it.

Had a great christmas and new years, apart from breaking the cooker.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Should i even ask...

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:43, Reply)

You should ask
because his reply is full of double entendre.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Ah yes
I knew I liked you for a reason Roots me ole gal *slaps thigh*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

involves cleaning, and knobs
not that interesting to be honest, and I'm not going to mention it again, until I get down to purchasing a new one and setting about the kitchen with a saw to make it fit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

You forgot to mention the ring!!!!
TGB, He mentions rings too...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I'm happy to try it out on you.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:34, Reply)

feel free

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:34, Reply)

I made mum and dad watch the God Channel on Christmas morning.
They'd never seen Benny Hinn and I knew it was going to be hilarious, but they just thought I'd gone a bit funny.
By the end I had them with their hands in the air shouting "Praise and heal!" and my dad saying "Right, we're follwing his advice and sending all our money to Jesus!!" Then we did Agadoo because our hands were still on the air. Then my mum got worried that what if there IS a God and it just saw us mocking on his lad's birthday. My dad said "Oh fuck off, it's MY birthday and that's more important!"

*praises*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Talking of freaky ass god botherererers
Anyone else sad enought to watch Celebrity BB entrances? Stephen Baldwin is creepy as FUCK
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I missed it.
I saw Vinnie Jones.
I'm scared to look in case I want to watch more.
And between Stephen and Pastor Hinn, I might end up getting actually brainwashed.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:48, Reply)

At first glance I thought you'd mistyped 'Benny Hill'
which made the rest of your post most peculiar.

PS I fucking LOVE your family. They are SUPERB.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Oh seriously he's ace.
I mean, he's a fraudulant charlatan cunt, but he's hilarious. Me and Nana used to watch him in the 90s (for fun, not for God).
I was so happy to see him back. I'm sure you could watch him on youtube.
He said you will go bankrupt if you give your money to the Synagogue or the Mosque. the only way you will be wealthy is if you send it to Jesus. Via Pastor Hinn, obviously.
Oh, and you have to send every penny. Not just what you think you can spare.

Oh, and he heals people by blowing on them when he gets really cocky about it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 11:58, Reply)

But does he have 'Hinn's Angels' running about at double speed?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Have you ever seen a woman and two men, drunk, legging it towards a house
and you just KNOW what's about to happen, and then done the Benny Hill theme at them from across the street, right the way through, with accompaniment from your uncle, who is an amazing whistler?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:05, Reply)

To my great disappointment I have not.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Should you get the opportunity, seize it.
It will make you laugh for the rest of your life.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:13, Reply)

I have heard
a lot of people say a good blowing makes them feel much better
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I reckon Pastor Hinn would know...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Part of me wants to watch him now

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Here he is accompanied by Drowning Pool
www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lvU-DislkI
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:12, Reply)

I dunno if the rest
of my office would want to watch it though....

Although now I am quietly singing let the bodies hit the floor
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:15, Reply)

I doubt they would.
Do watch it at some point though. It's bloody amazing. I think I might become a televangelist. Lucrative and fun...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Can I join in?
I want to be one of the crazy swaying people who yell Praise the Lord! and Hallejulah! and pass the collection pots round
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Of course!
I need lots of ministers.
Not too many though, we won't make enough profit or feel up enough of the vulnerable and attractive if we have too many ministers.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Are we going existing religion
or making up The New Spangly Church of Roota
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:26, Reply)

What do you think would be the most profitable?
I mean "Which would heal the most suffering?"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Hmm
Scientology seems to be raking it in. We need to target celebrities who think they are too clever for scientology...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:44, Reply)

In that case it should be the Not Too Spangly Church of Roota...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Can we have some
kind of cheese deity?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Cheesus Christ?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 13:56, Reply)

The baby cheeses

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 14:00, Reply)

that song would be much better without the counting in it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Yeah but that's good when you're out
and all the crowd does the counting, and you're drunk and shovey.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 12:19, Reply)