It's nearly home time! Yippee!
If you were a hippopotamus and you were merrily swimming along in the watery mud, then some little bugger came along in a boat a little too close to you, would you shuffle along and let them pass or would you totally flip their boat over and eat their face right off?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:00, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If I were a hippopotamus
I would let them glide past and then follow them. Maintaining eye contact and following right behind them. I'd see how long it would take them to freak out.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

See
I think that’s what I would do
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:07, Reply)

We could both do it
Two hippos would be scarier than one
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Indeed.
Think how menacing we would look it there were three of us! THE HORROR!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Or even four?
Who knows, or dare to dream?
Edit: We could even have a caravan full of Gippopotamuses.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:12, Reply)

This is an a-mazing idea!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Depends if they were wearing a small bikini and I wanted to get them wet

(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

No bikinis,
only great big man-boobs!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:08, Reply)

I'd make their boat tip up
But then I would sniff them and reject the eating of them.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I'd sniff you

(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:05, Reply)

You'd cover me in essence of bacon first

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:06, Reply)

I'd wrap you up in a bacon lattice
after mixing you with crispy sausage meat chunks and BBQ marinade.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:07, Reply)

sexy

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:08, Reply)

It's all sexy apart from the BBQ
Can I have mayo or something?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:09, Reply)

may I suggest sweet chilli sauce?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:10, Reply)

You can be basted in sweet chilli
but the insides got to be BBQ
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:11, Reply)

I don't want to taste of fire
I want to have a nicer sauce
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:12, Reply)

wait, am I being basted too now?!
I was just offering recipe suggestions
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Its too late man, you got involved, now you’re being basted.

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:18, Reply)

well, OK
but you'll need extra for my super long extendo arm
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:29, Reply)

I would hippo rage the fuck out of the boat.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:03, Reply)

I've always wanted to slap a hippo's arse
I think it would be very satisfying until it ate my face off
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Woah nelly!
That's a strange desire you have there...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:10, Reply)

just think about it!
it would make a really good slapping noise
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:10, Reply)

I'm disturbed because I'm liking it.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:13, Reply)

see?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:13, Reply)

*nods*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:15, Reply)

Hmmm...
If I were you I would consider some sort of extender arm surgery… like Inspector Gadget, before you went a’slappin’
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:17, Reply)

Go-go Gadget Slapper!
No... wait...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Hehe doesn’t quite have the same ring to it!?

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Nopes...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:21, Reply)

Easy.
Swim alongside then duck down and put the hippo arse in the air. Then shit and do that thing hippos do with their tail to perform the ninja muckspreading. All over the boat. Awesome.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:19, Reply)

^This
has to be the best suggestion. Especially because it involves poo.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:20, Reply)

I was reading a copy of Vogue magazine at the weekend,
which is essentially just looking through a book of things I can’t afford, but I came across a page which had an entire article about poo… it was most unexpected!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:23, Reply)

Please click on my QOTW suggestion.
I like poo stories.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 17:47, Reply)