a coworker keeps using the excuse 'because i'm blonde'
to explain her inability (read unwillingness) to perform even the most basic computer related task, or grasp the most simplistic concept.

the thing is, she's BOTTLE fucking blonde.
my anger levels for this are reaching critical mass, and i'm either going to violently soil myself, or destroy life as we know it with a quantum singularity of pure white hot whinging.
my question is, what should i ram into my cochlea to relieve the pain of having to hear the phrase 'oh no, i wouldn't know about that, i don't understand how to click the BIG RED FUCKING UPLOAD BUTTON because i'm blonde' again?
i've got the usual selection of art materials at hand, along with a bicycle pump, the bicycle, a multitool, and a sacktruck. could probably muster up a 1997 toyota celica as well if the need arises.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:29, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

kick a biro down your ear

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:32, Reply)

i could probably get a fountain pen in there
with a nifty back heel?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Put them all up her mary

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:34, Reply)

the concept of her even owning a reproductive organ of any kind
fills me with a terrible rage.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Then it must be blocked so that nobody is lost up there

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:37, Reply)

toyota celica Honda Accord
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:35, Reply)

^this

( Peej, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:36, Reply)

well all i have is a celica, and it's not even mine
it's just closer than the renault trafic van, and i'm lazy and fat and your mum is oler today than yesterday so tits to you, fucker :D
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:37, Reply)

How about you ram the computer up her chuff
and leave the mouse cord dangling out like some kind of foetid tampon string?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:40, Reply)

i like it
but it needs more semtex.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Punch her in the fucking tits

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:46, Reply)

nah
worst bit, she's knobbing my boss, in a six man company, so i can't even complain.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Punch him in the cock...
...and tell him to control his woman.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Point out that she is a self-inflicted blonde
and then give her a piece of paper with "PTO" on both sides. It should keep her busy for the rest of the day.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Nice
Just make blonde jokes at her all day until she gets the idea that everyone thinks she's a retard and gives up spouting about it.
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Now this ^^
Is a good idea
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Definitely!
Every time she makes reference to being a blonde, tell a different blonde joke. For example, how do you drown a blonde? Put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool.
( Wanderer, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 14:38, Reply)

Shave her head and all body hair...
...so she can no longer use the 'blonde' excuse. Then punch her in the tits and stick the PC up her chuff/mary as suggested above.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 16 Mar 2010, 13:20, Reply)