I am 3 hours and 55 minutes away from weekendy freedom
and my boss who sits behind me and watches my screen is off this afternoon. Entertainment and witty banter, if you please

EDIT: Any B3tans planning to go to InFest this year?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:06, 84 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fuck off red nose.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Eh?
The red nose part. I understand the "fuck off" part
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:12, Reply)

It's a very old joke.
Bloke goes to the circus and every night for a week the clown says
“Are you the front end of an ass?” “No!”
“Are you the back end of an ass?” “No!”
“In which case you are no end of an ass!”
After which humiliation the bloke goes to Professor McBollox school of wit and repartee.
He attends for a year and finally the circus comes back to town.
Off goes our hero and sits in the front row.
The clown recognises him and wanders over.
“Are you the front end of an ass?” He asks.
Our hero draws himself up to his full 5’2” and using all the knowledge he has gained bellows

“Fuck off red nose!”
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:31, Reply)

I see
Ha.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Didn't say it was good.
Just apposite of entertainment and witty banter by virtue of content.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Alright, knock it off with the fancy words, mate
It's still corporal punishment. See you in Strasbourg
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Cruel and Unusual. That's me.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:43, Reply)

It terrifies me that you now have more spare time to work on your witty putdowns

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:57, Reply)

NOT!
I've got so much I haven't done at home I'll rarely be on here for a while.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Well I for one believe you

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:02, Reply)

That makes one. Even I find it hard to believe.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Piffle!
You can't keep away from me.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Mmmmm. Rubs self all over cause he can't reach beegie.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Yeah, I was being sarcastic
I do that a lot
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:05, Reply)

I know.
Gotcha.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:06, Reply)

TRICKED
*cries*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:10, Reply)

There is loads in the thread below.

( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I suppose I could have looked there, but I am a fundamentally lazy man
I shall endeavour to correct this oversight
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:11, Reply)

You talk funny.

( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:12, Reply)

It makes girls like me*








*does not make girls like me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:12, Reply)

You walk funny too.
Is that why the boys like you?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:29, Reply)

When have you seen me walk?
*checks bushes*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:31, Reply)

I've never seen a girl like you.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:37, Reply)

You'll cut yersen on day.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

"Watch out with that sharp tongue. Wouldn't want to get it too near your throat now."
As me owld granny used to say.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Too loquacious to be lazy.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Excellent use of "loquacious"
Go to the top of the class
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Sorry - I'm all out.
Used my joke last week.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:28, Reply)

wish I could be funny
but it's not my MO
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Buy us a pint instead then
I know you can do that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a WKD?
Those pints can be a bit strong
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Excuse me, young lady
I have an extra decade of drinking time on you and have grown to enjoy pints in all their forms. I can even finish a whole one and not sick a rainbow now!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:58, Reply)

nah
I just released Captain Jack Snailow into the wild.
*frowns*
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Nooooooo!
How come?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Couldn't bring herself to eat him I guess.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:43, Reply)

You can't hold back a pirate.
He had gardens to pillage.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:45, Reply)

If he regards your kitchen as his home port
Then maybe he'll return one day with bounty and snail wenches
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 13:59, Reply)

one can only hope
Until then I'll search the horizon
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Kristine answers knock on door in two months.
Jack Snaillow looks up and says "What did you do that for?"
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:07, Reply)

And what, pray tell, will he use to knock on the door?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:12, Reply)

his shell
hurr
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:19, Reply)

hahahahahahaha

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Infest is in Bradford.
I live a hop, skip and a jump away. Shame I'm not into industrial electronic music or whatever it is. I could go and polish everyone's leather coats. I could make a killing.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Get yourself some appropriate gear
And swan around outside the venue - there's a bar and you don't need a ticket to associate with those who've bought one - acting all Dominatrix-y. You'll have an army of willing servants in seconds. And I would simply look at you and your legions of crawling peons and smugly say "she'd shag me, a bit"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:12, Reply)

I'm sorely tempted.
*digs out leather knickers*
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:17, Reply)

*faints*

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Shit!
I've just realised I'll just have come back from Greece and I'll have a tan.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Oh, that's going too far
A 5'10" Dominatrix will stand out in just the right way, but if you turn up at a Goth festival with a tan you'll just look odd
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:26, Reply)

I know : (

( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Pan white foundation FTW.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:31, Reply)

The voice of experience?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:38, Reply)

That reminds me of my first album title.
It will be Paean for Peons.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Pomes for Plebians.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Sonnets in Singlets

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:29, Reply)

Patois for Peenarses

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Pentameter for Proles.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Verse for vassels.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Odes to the Odiferous.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Prose for pricks
Sorry, that's just lazy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Chorus for Corus.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:38, Reply)

Sagas for Scrotes

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Epics to Pikeys

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:38, Reply)

Missives for mongoloids

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Songs for Mongs?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:41, Reply)

This wins.
Handsdown.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Pearls before swine

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Couplets for cretins

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Rhyme with grime

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Erring too close to actual modern-day hip-hop now
or what passes for hip-hop, before Monty gets all puritanical on my arse
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:43, Reply)

And he will. You know he will.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

He hopes he will.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:47, Reply)

I love a bit of anal puritanism, me

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Tidying up for God. Keeping it clean and orderly.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:51, Reply)

Like I would know what hip-hop - modern or medieval - would be.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:46, Reply)

*cracks knuckles*
Modern-day grime is the bastard son of rave or jungle MCing really, as opposed to hip hop MCing. Lyric delivery concerned with style as opposed to content.

However if you look at the history of hip hop you can see that ‘style rhyming’ is the oldest form of rapping anyway. As the art form grew, so did its so-called sophistication and thus ‘story rhymes’ and social commentary became introduced and eventually the norm. This starting to happen now with grime as it develops.

Personally I like nothing more than rhyming purely for the sake of nice-sounding words: I have no need of a lecture about the ‘ghetto’ from some 18-year-old twat.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:51, Reply)

Do you lecture the punters while you play your gramophone records?
Or do you pretend to be one of them?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:55, Reply)

My DJ sets are accompanied by slides
and annotated handouts are given out at the door.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

Followed by a 4000 word essay before thay are allowed to leave.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 15:13, Reply)

I fucking love this.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I have nothing to add to this
Monty is easily the most well-versed man I've ever encountered in the ways of both hip and hop. But I do live in Norwich, where there are no black people. Not racist. Just true.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 14:58, Reply)

I have a lot to add
but I shall spare you all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Probably for the best
If you start on hip-hop I'll start on heavy metal and before you know it B3ta will be a wasteland barren of all save us
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 23 Apr 2010, 15:05, Reply)

I got
blah-blah-blah.
Why is it all rap (may be wrong tag) sounds like

Humpty-dumpty
sat on a wall
Humpty-dumpty
had a big fall?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 15:04, Reply)

And does it have to be so sweary?
and much too loud?
I have to turn my hearing aid down whenever a Vauxhall Nova drives past.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 23 Apr 2010, 15:07, Reply)