There is only one way to hand in your notice for a job you know will not be going back to.
Take a huge dump on the bosses chair.

This will remove the need for the embarassing conversations where the boss has to ask you to stay for a pitance more money.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 8:45, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Tempting, though I'd rather take a dump in the MD's new convertible
He has six luxury cars (that I know of). One year he announced that we'd had our best ever year, turned record profits, and gave everyone (about 60 of us back then) a truly pitiful payrise (0.5-1% in most cases). No bonuses, despite us all working 12 hour days for months.
Next day he drove in in a brand new, top-spec Merc SLK 55AMG...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 8:53, Reply)

What an ungrateful twat he must be
He may be the boss, but he doesn't do all of the work. Surely some reward further down the food chain wouldn't be too much to ask.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 8:55, Reply)

Sadly it is too much to ask
It took many months of arguments (and people leaving) before we got paid more than your average shop assistant. Now we get 'competitive' pay (although in a pay competition we'd lose embarrassingly), but no bonuses or benefits.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 8:59, Reply)

What a cunt
I can easily access some acid, if you'd like something other than piss to throw on it?
(berk, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 8:55, Reply)

That'd be great, cheers!
Something that'd etch a gargantuan CDC in the bonnet.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 9:00, Reply)

Iron filings
are the best. Simply sprinkle them on in the evening as the dampness falls and you'd have a nice rusty CDC on the bonnet come morning time. Very difficult to remove, I believe.

Not that I condone vandalism, mind you.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Think I read that in a QOTW ages ago
It is definitely stored in mind ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 9:06, Reply)

You'd need to get some chums to help you, and it would cost you a curry.
But dumping in all his cars would be the correct procedure.

I'd chip in if you like.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 8:59, Reply)

I like this idea
Sadly some of his cars are in storage (he has that many...). Also, his son (who also 'works' for the company) is a spoilt brat too, so we need to shit in his cars as well.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 9:01, Reply)

DUMP LEAGUE ASSEMBLE!

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 10:12, Reply)