My standard response to empty house-ness would probably be "drug fuelled sex orgy"
but instead I shall attempt to be creative and answer both questions

Grow yourself a housemate! Using the DNA of all the sexy and intelligent (yet surprisingly subservient) people you know, a petri dish and a lamp
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:36, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I bet you keep the DNA of all the sexy and intelligent (yet surprisingly subservient) people you know,
in jars.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)

No dear,
That's you.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:45, Reply)

he's not that careless,
that would be evidence.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:54, Reply)

He keeps tiny vials in a box hidden somewhere in his house.
a la Dexter.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)

oh my god why did I not see the resemblance before now.
You meant this Dexter, right?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)

No-o
This one

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 12:12, Reply)

he look's like Dexter's Lab Dexter more

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 12:17, Reply)

But this one is creepier.
He's like a combination of the two.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I think serial Dexter is quite hot

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Looks like he's having a Subway footlong for lunch.

(Cave Duck, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Yes. Yes I do.
Two jars so far. Buying a hundred jars was always optimistic
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)

You could play them like a xylophone

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:52, Reply)