I've ordered Roast Chicken
where the roast chicken is essentially that sliced Bernard Matthews plasticky stuff you get out of Tescos.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:33, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My mum ordered a seafood platter on holiday once
They gave her fish fingers and scampi. She was not amused at all.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Sucks. A proper seafood platter should really involve dropping a net into the ocean and throwing anything you haul up into a deep fryer.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:40, Reply)

I, however, think that is fucking hilarious.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Me too.
I was nine, I couldn't really see what her issue was.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:44, Reply)

sounds like all it needed was crab sticks to make it perfect!

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)

There may well have been crab sticks
It was a very long time ago. Ironically she still dines out on that tale :)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Similar to yours and Beeker's experiences,
my parents were taken out to dinner a few years ago by some friends in that delightful part of the world that is Essex. (Saaarfend, I think it was) Amongst the culinary crimes they witnessed that night were:

Paté: Well, at least it was a paté, though it had less in common with a foie gras than it did with Sainsbury's Basics Pork Liver Paté (£0.30 and packaged as though it were a sausage). Tastefully served with a sliver of rocket on a piece of toasted white sliced.

Duck breasts in a plum sauce: a hurriedly defrosted lump of something which had once been attached to a duck, burnt to buggery and served with a spoonful of plum jam.

Cheeseboard: a couple of Jacob's cream crackers accompanying a few lumps of cheddar

I'm sure there were a couple of other howlers, unfortunately I can't remember them at the moment.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)