Computers
Why does my brand new, £5k work machine take 10 minutes to log in?! My network profile is positively anorexic, and all other machines don't take more than a minute, so why is this fancypants new machine doing it?

Oh, I can't take the time to troubleshoot it, because cuntbeak manager put a policy in place to stop us tinkering. Now I have to wait for our overworked IT guy to come and look at it, or put up with staring at a login screen for ages.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 14:34, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

10mins from power on
or 10 mins from log in?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

From log in prompt to being usable
A fair few of us have had problems with these new machines, we've sent two back already.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Oh... my bios settings advice is useless in this situation then.
Probably something like an antivirus scan on startup or printer drivers, it's always fucking printer drivers.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 14:38, Reply)

Because
fancy machines take longer to load their fancy graphics and stuff.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Ha Ha.
Trusted with sensitive information but not with a pc. Oh the irony.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 23 Aug 2010, 14:45, Reply)

It'll be loading
some bloated piece of crap. What anti-virus does your company run? If it's Norton, that'd slow Deep Blue down to a crawl.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 14:51, Reply)

NOD32 is the best one I've dealt with
Norton and McAfee are both shite
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 14:53, Reply)

We use McAfee
Most of the time it's fine. When it does throw a paddy though, it's fucking painful. Some of the update files it has to download are vast.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Being hit by a Paddy must indeed be fucking painful.
It's the crocks of gold they are invariably carrying with them.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Luckily you can generally spot them early
you can see those bright green trousers from a mile off.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

it runs loads of shit all the time
making the computer slow.

I use Avast, since AVG started being shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 15:05, Reply)

We use Kaspersky
I've since found other problems, and have just dumped the machine on cuntbeak manager's desk.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Fancypants new machine
running 128 meg of RAM.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Do you run VMWare?
This makes mine stop for 10 mins
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Aug 2010, 15:25, Reply)