You need to talk about your ex a lot
and how much you liked her smile, and no women can compare to her. Then ask her very politely/cautiously if she'd mind wearing some of the clothes that were left behind, and yelling at you for a bit.

For optimal results offer to buy her some of the same perfume
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:01, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

^ This is the best advice anyone has ever been given.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:03, Reply)

My ex
I can't say i loved her smile. She had no teeth
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:05, Reply)

then talk about the perfect blowjobs
and how you've always loved the gums look. Offer to knock her teeth out for her to get the same experience
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)

Then just empty a bottle of vodka over her and set the bitch on fucking fire
Screaming "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:08, Reply)

The voice of experience.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Yes you are

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:12, Reply)

It's always worth having a backup plan if you feel the date isn't going well.
Though that is less "backup plan" than "emergency ejector seat"...

How was the rest of that festival, by the way?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:12, Reply)

I'm sunburned, achy, and down with festival lurgy
but Arcade Fire were incredible. I have to admit I cried. The rest of it was fun, the last night involved drinking more than my standard amount of cider (but in about twice the time, so no vomiting), sleeping in a yurt and making the Russian and my other friend kiss. Very entertaining.

You have an enjoyable weekend yourself?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I probably shouldn't have spent as much of it as I did in the pub,
(or various pubs) as I felt as rough as fuck* yesterday. But it was enjoyable at the time. Sounds like your weekend was a little more eventful - and I think it's acceptable to cry at bands; god knows I wept when I heard Oasis "playing" My Generation...

*_{Yes, as well as looking it most days, etc...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Not really that eventful, though it feels like I was there forever
(a long time, really- Wednesday to Monday) You saw Oasis? Or were you only inflicted with a recording of it? I hate Oasis. With a firey passion. No matter what Surly Turk might say :(

I wasn't aware "fuck" was a tall flappy haired creature with a fondness for corduroy shirts...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:24, Reply)

No, I think I'd have lost all faith in music if I'd actually seen them
Mercifully I just chanced across it on the telly but it firmly cemented my belief that they are one of the most deplorable collections of knuckle-draggers ever to have picked up guitars.

_{I only have one corduroy shirt. The rest are more...erm...'lumberjacky.' Combine with the comfortable walking boots and basically I dress like a lesbian.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:29, Reply)

-applause-
Excellent work, young man. They are all flavours of dire and dreadful and I hate them. They don't have a single good song.
Though that is my opinion, and I have deplorable music taste. For example I'm listening to what is possibly the gayest (homosexual) song ever recorded.

All you need to do is move to Hebden Bridge and chop your hair off. And voila.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Brilliant.
Just the best advice every offered to anyone.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I don't know why
more people don't ask me for advice
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:13, Reply)

*shrugs* me neither. Me neither.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:22, Reply)