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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Really need some advice
I have in the last couple of months broken up with my missis after being together for 21 years. As a result of this extremely long relationship i don't have a lot of experience with dating in general. This is a problem as tonight i have a blind date with a friend of a friend who i have met previously but not really to talk too.

Any advice on where to go and how to behave would be welcome as i don't really want to blow it as soon as i get out of the car.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:47, 172 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Where are you heading?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:49, Reply)
going
Meeting at a pub initially
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:51, Reply)
If this is a first date, avoid Lager
Ale or Wine is a safer bet
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:10, Reply)
Don't drink wine though if you normally drink lager
as you'll neck it and get hammered within an hour. Wine drinking requires practice.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:22, Reply)
And faceplants

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:25, Reply)
and eating beforehand

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:40, Reply)
lager
No i drink beer
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:24, Reply)
Favourite?
Beer and Ale discussions are becoming quite common in here now, I like it!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:25, Reply)
Favourite
Probably never heard of it cos its from a small brewery but its called Absolution from Abbeydale Brewery. Best mainstream one is Hobgoblin
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:33, Reply)
Hobgoblin is nice, but I don't tend to go for it
My absolute favourite is called Fraoch, it's fantastic. Everyday favourites are either Courage Best or Bombardier.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:36, Reply)
best
I do like Bombardier but i have a weakness for the Wychwood brewery stuff
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:39, Reply)
If she orders a pint give her a mortified look
and then bring her back two halves.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:23, Reply)
MAN THE FUCK UP AND STOP USING B3TA AS A FUCKING ADVICE COLUMN

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:49, Reply)
MTFU
wow i really didn't expect that from B3TA. How unpredictable.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:50, Reply)
Yeah and I didn't expect whiny posts about
trying to trick women in to liking you so you may get a shag so surprises all round.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:51, Reply)
whining?
Oh do fuck off.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:53, Reply)
Does that work on you?
It's just that my gran ran over my kittumz the other day and OH WOE IS ME, it's like I've lost a limb.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:04, Reply)
What the fuck is wrong with you?
What's so wrong about asking people for their help or views on something?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:58, Reply)
Calm down!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:59, Reply)

smallest flounce in the world
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)
Are you alright now?
Would you like a cuppa?
I'm just off to town to find the cheapest diamond earrings I can get my mitts on, but I could bring you back some Flumps.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:06, Reply)
get some diamonique from QVC

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:16, Reply)
I envisioned you doing the Harry Enfield-Scouser hand movement as you typed that.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)
I was going to add a supplementary "Eh! Eh!"

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:09, Reply)
what is this, Ask Deirdre Day?
just be nice. Complimentary, but not creepy.

I like a bit of lesser-known chivalry like walking on the outside of the pavement and standing up when the lady leaves the table.

Other than that, lame as it sounds, be yourself. Anything else will just be found out at a later date and resented. Although having said that, I had to tone down the psycho for the first few months with my bloke, but that's true of all women.

Or, schedule another date for the exact same time and place and wait for hilarity to ensue.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:50, Reply)
You shouldn't walk outside girls on the pavement,
bag theives go on the inside.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:53, Reply)
there are too many variables
which direction you are going, on which side of the road, and on which arm she carries her bag.

It's best to kick her into the gutter and steal her bag yourself. It's the simplest way.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:57, Reply)
I was just writing out a response almost exactly the same as Vipros'
I really need to start reading things properly and not be so impulsive.

Ooh a squirrel!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:59, Reply)
Where??

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)
outside my window
there was one on the pavement as I was walking to work this morning and it ran to the edge of the pavement to cross the road, I was so close to crossing with it to make sure it was safe but luckily it was Speedy Gonzales squirrel
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:06, Reply)
Maybe it ran to the edge of the pavement because it thought it was on a date with oyu.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)
it was well cute
I could do worse.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:16, Reply)
There, on the stair.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:25, Reply)
The outside of the pavement thing I get
But standing when she leaves the table? If she's just going to the loo then this will surely prompt the question of where you're going in her absence.

(Other than that, seems like sound advice to me [not that I have a great track record with this sort of thing])
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Good point
She might think you're following her to the toilet, which some might see as irregular behaviour.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:10, Reply)
"Oh, I'm sorry, I assumed you'd let me watch you pee..."

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:13, Reply)
this is one of my favourite because almost no one does it.
A true lady will understand.

James Bond does it in Casino Royale, it's lovely, even when the big-eared bitch storms off after questioning his morals.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:18, Reply)
But in that case she's leaving the restaurant/dining car
what if she's just nipping to the bogs?

And Eva Green is lovely.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:31, Reply)
I love you ask us that.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:52, Reply)
not everyone is a dysfunctional weirdo.
just you and me *grins intensely*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:52, Reply)
There's more than just the two of us.
edit: I could name them but most want to punch me already.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:53, Reply)
we can make it if we try.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:57, Reply)
PhsycoChomp likes I love the way you lie, lol j/k, I'm not rhynanana from iLike.
21 minutes ago · Comment · Like · Share
-------------------------------------------------------------
PhsycoChomp I will never forgive you 'swipe, you've hurt me and I can never forgive you.
11 minutes ago · 21 people like this ·
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)
It would look more believable as a copy and paste if you'd spelt my name right.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:06, Reply)
he should get points for effort though

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)
i am nothing but lovely to psychochomp
by which i mean i actually tolerate him. i demand that this outrageous slur on my good and kind nature be removed AT ONCE.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:12, Reply)
it's ok, he was talking about physcochomp

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:19, Reply)
nooo
look at the fake signature! it implies that i was mean ONLINE.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:24, Reply)
If you don't know where to go and how to behave
I would suggest you aren't over your 21 year relationship.

My advice? Get a bottle of gin, stay in and cry yourself to sleep as you think 'what if' about your ex.

If you've come out of a 21 year relationship and want to get back in the game after a couple of months of being 'single' you have issues. Make the most of your freedom.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:52, Reply)
POTD

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:53, Reply)
That would need to be Monty approved before I accept.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:54, Reply)
Sorry, Monty's rapping leaves it in the dust

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:59, Reply)
Exactly.
I make no claim to POTD.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:00, Reply)
dating can be fun
it doesn't have to be an immediately serious relationship.

So I've read. *buys gin*
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:53, Reply)
*there there*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:55, Reply)
gin?
I've got lemon wedges.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:00, Reply)
I'll shout you the ginger beer.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:01, Reply)
Go and see a doctor then.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)
fun
I ended it with the ex and i am going on a date not to propose!
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:56, Reply)
If you want 'fun' then do something 'fun'
I assume the person you are meeting this evening knows you are all about 'the fun' and isn't expecting anything?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:57, Reply)
fun
I asked her out for a drink but not sure what she is expecting. Probably just a drink and a laugh
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)
if it's a blind date are you expecting fugly, crazy or fat?
we can start a pool. I'm going to go with fugly.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:01, Reply)
he said he's met her before :-P

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:03, Reply)
aww that's ruined my fun.
I'm doing it again with the not reading thing aren't I? Tut.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:04, Reply)
That doesn't answer the question though does it!
I'll say 'Mental'.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:05, Reply)
Mental
Well she did say yes when i asked her for a drink
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)
It seems I follow your advice to the letter :(

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:58, Reply)
And I speak from experience.
:-(
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:59, Reply)
I speak from the bottom of a bottle of gin.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:01, Reply)
that's what he said - experience!

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)
Sets loser points to MAX!
And opens another bottle of Gordons.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:03, Reply)
A friend of mine doesn't keep her gin in the fridge
WHAT IS THIS TRAVESTY?!

I might have some in a bit.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:03, Reply)
not everyone has a specifically designated gin fridge.
Some people use them for food.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:04, Reply)
Don't mock my phobia, ok? :(

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:04, Reply)
you have a fear of warm gin?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:09, Reply)
A fear of fridges

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:09, Reply)
o.....k...
that's much less weird.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:19, Reply)
I'll tell you why one day
it's less mentally scarring than the Barefoot Story.

I saw him this weekend. Everyone failed the sweepstake. And he threw up in his sleep. I didn't know people did that any more.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:21, Reply)
Fucking Hendrix copyists.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:28, Reply)
have you tried keeping it in the freezer?
that's where I keep my vodka. The current bottle has frozen a lot more than I think it should
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:04, Reply)
I keep my vodka, when I have it, in the freezer
but gin generally is in the fridge. Dunno why.

On the plus side I have a lot of it now.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:05, Reply)
excellent news
vodka in the freezer, gin in the fridge is right
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:06, Reply)
Surly Turk made Foster's Slushies on one of the first nights.
It was...interesting.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)
sounds alarming
but I would like a lemon slushie right now
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)
Limoncello slushie?
I don't drink at home, plus I'm ill. But we may have brandy in the cupboard, and I might make a hot toddy
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:09, Reply)
I haven't frozen the limoncello yet
because it isn't properly made.

Brandy is nice. It makes hot chocolate bearable. For a proper hot cold curing drink hot whisky with sugar, lemon and a tiny bit of ginger (optional) is lovely
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:16, Reply)
I'll scour the cupboards
I do have my 35% alcohol vanilla essence, though a few drops of that in hot milk is enough so alcohol is negligible.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:18, Reply)
I forgot to thank you for the mint vodka tips, thanks
I'm going to give it a try for a party this weekend
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:10, Reply)
you're welcome
hope it comes out well.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:15, Reply)
I keep gin in the freezer
it pours like a thin syrup and it means you can make martinis without polluting it with ice-water.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:14, Reply)
I might try this.
With the shit gin though.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:16, Reply)
Offer to suck her cock

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:54, Reply)
or shit in her cunt ( copyright /talk )

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:56, Reply)
you know what really annoys me for no reason?
people who write "lolololololol" to express that they find something very amusing.

I know lol in itself is arguably a crime against the English language, but we have to accept that acronyms are creeping into everyday usage with text speak and the like. However, what really grates is that in this case, it just doesn't make sense. Laugh out loud out loud out loud out loud? It's just silly.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:57, Reply)
How do you feel
About ROFLCOPTOR
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:58, Reply)
I love the roflcopter!
I think it's because I like the word rofl, it's what a laughing dog would sound like.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)
LOLOololololololololoooooool!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:59, Reply)
oh I hate that too
looooool. You're laughing out out out out out out loud? Have you got a fucking stutter?!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)
last thing I saw you do on facebook was:
"hahahahaha"

you fucking hypocrite.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:04, Reply)
but that's expression of ha
if you laugh you actually make the noise ha ha ha, it's not an acronym.

I was expressing mirth, you'd know that if you ever fucking smiled you miserable fuck Monty. I mean Chompy.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:11, Reply)
lololololol
Kitty is witty and this is a shitty ditty
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:59, Reply)
what an odd response.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:03, Reply)
I'm in an odd mood

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:05, Reply)

in mood person
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:21, Reply)
You're just
trolololololing

/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUlw4NT08Ds
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:01, Reply)
Oh great, yet ANOTHER wedding I'm not invited too.
Thank's, internet, thank's a lot.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:58, Reply)
You need to talk about your ex a lot
and how much you liked her smile, and no women can compare to her. Then ask her very politely/cautiously if she'd mind wearing some of the clothes that were left behind, and yelling at you for a bit.

For optimal results offer to buy her some of the same perfume
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:01, Reply)
^ This is the best advice anyone has ever been given.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:03, Reply)
My ex
I can't say i loved her smile. She had no teeth
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:05, Reply)
then talk about the perfect blowjobs
and how you've always loved the gums look. Offer to knock her teeth out for her to get the same experience
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:07, Reply)
Then just empty a bottle of vodka over her and set the bitch on fucking fire
Screaming "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:08, Reply)
The voice of experience.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:10, Reply)
Yes you are

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:12, Reply)
It's always worth having a backup plan if you feel the date isn't going well.
Though that is less "backup plan" than "emergency ejector seat"...

How was the rest of that festival, by the way?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:12, Reply)
I'm sunburned, achy, and down with festival lurgy
but Arcade Fire were incredible. I have to admit I cried. The rest of it was fun, the last night involved drinking more than my standard amount of cider (but in about twice the time, so no vomiting), sleeping in a yurt and making the Russian and my other friend kiss. Very entertaining.

You have an enjoyable weekend yourself?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:14, Reply)
I probably shouldn't have spent as much of it as I did in the pub,
(or various pubs) as I felt as rough as fuck* yesterday. But it was enjoyable at the time. Sounds like your weekend was a little more eventful - and I think it's acceptable to cry at bands; god knows I wept when I heard Oasis "playing" My Generation...

*Yes, as well as looking it most days, etc...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:21, Reply)
Not really that eventful, though it feels like I was there forever
(a long time, really- Wednesday to Monday) You saw Oasis? Or were you only inflicted with a recording of it? I hate Oasis. With a firey passion. No matter what Surly Turk might say :(

I wasn't aware "fuck" was a tall flappy haired creature with a fondness for corduroy shirts...
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:24, Reply)
No, I think I'd have lost all faith in music if I'd actually seen them
Mercifully I just chanced across it on the telly but it firmly cemented my belief that they are one of the most deplorable collections of knuckle-draggers ever to have picked up guitars.

I only have one corduroy shirt. The rest are more...erm...'lumberjacky.' Combine with the comfortable walking boots and basically I dress like a lesbian.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:29, Reply)
-applause-
Excellent work, young man. They are all flavours of dire and dreadful and I hate them. They don't have a single good song.
Though that is my opinion, and I have deplorable music taste. For example I'm listening to what is possibly the gayest (homosexual) song ever recorded.

All you need to do is move to Hebden Bridge and chop your hair off. And voila.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:32, Reply)
Brilliant.
Just the best advice every offered to anyone.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:09, Reply)
I don't know why
more people don't ask me for advice
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:13, Reply)
*shrugs* me neither. Me neither.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:22, Reply)
Your first paragraph made me think you were after relationship advice
But the second makes me think you wanted to discuss premature ejaculation.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:02, Reply)
and then I JIZZED IN MY PANTS

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:03, Reply)
Not you as well...
*passes half-emptied box of Kleenex*
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:04, Reply)
I was going to say something like "Dont blow it getting out of the car, wait until you've got your cock in her face"
but I thought that would be mean and crude.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:18, Reply)
Why is TGB always so hostile and angry?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:13, Reply)
Because Vettel is a cheating cunt, who she's still angry took out Button

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:17, Reply)
He did kind of step on her thread.
Heads have been known to roll before for such behaviour.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:17, Reply)
I'm a serial offender in this regard.
I only get away with it because I usually ask the same question, i.e. food related.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:20, Reply)

is this another bullshit rule? if your threads clash one of you wins, one of you loses. No biggy.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:20, Reply)
it's considered a bit rude to post a thread immediately after someone else's
you're supposed to let the original thread die down a bit first.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:37, Reply)

I know I know, but like everyone keeps telling me it's only the internet so why get upset or angry?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:40, Reply)
there is no reason to get upset or angry
post what you want, when you want.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I feel like a pokemon who has just evolved. It may bring on a name change.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:48, Reply)
you
probably know quite a lot about women though, after such a long term relationship. this is most of the battle won! just don't go on about your ex...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:14, Reply)
ex
Hee Hee i wasnt going to mention her unless she brought it up in conversation. At that point i was going to do my damndest not to sound bitter :)
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:21, Reply)
I cannot stress this enough
Ask to see her bumhole. Straight off the bat. If she won't show you her bumhole it probably means that she's not that into you, or she's got a grotty shitpipe. Either way you're not wanting that.

If you need to bail at an early opportunity tell her that she's a horrid festering twat of a human being then do cartwheels out of the pub.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:18, Reply)
But if she does show you her bumhole, she's a slag
fucking hell, we girls can't win
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:21, Reply)
No, if she presents the bumhole and it's well groomed with a clean tube and maybe a bow above it
He should insert his index finger as far as it goes and waggle her around like a fingerbob
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:22, Reply)
you sound like the best date ever.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:37, Reply)
You have much to teach us

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:21, Reply)
I got a book out, Theo's Dating for the Busy Person
Only 100 Queen faces, get it online now
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Finger bang the shit out of her then tell her you love her and will still respect her in the morning!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:21, Reply)
"Finger bang"? What is he, twelve?
I suppose she might be...
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:22, Reply)

I just love the term finger bang.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:23, Reply)
But don't spill any wine, otherwise the internet will mock you.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:23, Reply)

a big fuck you to the internet today. I am in a very strange mood. I have drunk 4 cans of rio this morning and am buzzing a little. I like it.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:24, Reply)
I thought the only place you could by Rio was chip shops.
I've never seen it on sale anywhere else.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:26, Reply)
Dancing on the sand?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:30, Reply)
You and I both know this is not your best work.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:31, Reply)
I know, I apologise
I'm having a slow week
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:34, Reply)
Londis in Alveston
3 cans for a quid. I bought 12. It's really nice.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:30, Reply)
I've never drunk it.
I get the impression from the can that it is a poor-mans Lilt.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:35, Reply)
it's better than lilt
because it's not hideously sugary
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:37, Reply)

^This. It's like fruit juice with fizzy water. Doesn't taste too sweet.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:38, Reply)
Take her to some secluded woodland.
Put on your specially adapted jumper.

Then....HAMMERTIME.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:30, Reply)
This.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:34, Reply)
Wear some colourful glasses too
She'll think you've prepared a game of Mallet's Mallet and won't suspect a thing.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:36, Reply)
Alright Sutcliffe?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:37, Reply)
That's MR Sutcliffe to you, sunshine.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:54, Reply)
YOU'RE NOW SINGLE AND YOU DIDN'T ASK ME OUT?
This is why I hate men.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:34, Reply)
*there there*
Would you like some gin?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:35, Reply)
Vodka please.
A double.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:38, Reply)
With a gin mixer?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:39, Reply)
On the side maybe.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:41, Reply)
date
I would be honoured to accompany you on a date to wherever you wished to go.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:37, Reply)
It's too late now.
I'm sworn off the lot of you.

*washes hands*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:39, Reply)
no
Another woman who hates me just because i'm a man. You should have said yes, got to know me and then you would have a real reason to dislike me.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:45, Reply)
Yes but this way I don't get hurt.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:46, Reply)
hurt
I would never knowingly hurt anyone least of all a lady.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:54, Reply)
Ignore me.
I'm bitter and twisted.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:58, Reply)

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