He sounds like a guy who was on my sister's course
Who thought that because he was studying English Lit, this meant any and all attempts to write essays and poetry would be profoundly brilliant, and he shared his outpourings through his own little navel-gazing blog.

They were, as you might expect, utter shit and he just looked like a pretentious bellend, but I'm sure some kindly soul will take pity upon him, shove his Byron Anthology firmly up his arse, and that will bring him back down to Earth a little.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:20, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

It bugs me in QOTW
when people try and write intelligently and it comes across as forced. I hate when people write "he proceeded to do this. So I proceeded to do that". Why bother with the proceeded, why?!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:31, Reply)

I like to use 'proceeded' sometimes. It makes it more storyish.
Some things can't be explained but they belong in certain places.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Obviously I'm not advocating a blanket ban on the word proceeded
it's just something I've noticed, people who use it more than once in a story are usually verbose and pretentious bellends. Just do a word search for proceeded on QOTW and you'll probably find what I'm talking about.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:39, Reply)

/qotw is full of pricks shocker

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:43, Reply)

they're not all pricks
my story got populared a couple of weeks back. Are you saying I'm a prick PC? Are you?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Yes

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Why don't you say what you really feel!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:51, Reply)

Because just saying "my testicles" all the time
Isn't a great basis for conversation.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Got to check for cancer dude.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Yeah, but it's not going to suddenly creep up on you if you leave them unattended for ten minutes.
It's an illness, not a traffic warden.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:21, Reply)

hahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:35, Reply)

I wonder how it fares against 'needless to say'?
You could be onto something here, Kitzo.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:45, Reply)

QOTW most used bollocks word tallying
I like it
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:46, Reply)

or 'cue' or some typo of it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:47, Reply)

oh that well annoys me.
I'm surprised Monty hasn't shouted at me for saying 'well' all the time yet.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:49, Reply)

I'm surprised I don't get beat-downs for how much I say awesome.
in real life as well.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:51, Reply)

Hmm. I do worry that my own writing style makes me look a bit up myself.
(Although in my defence, it's a long time since I tried to say anything vaguely profound on QOTW...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:36, Reply)

It's difficult to be objective about one's own writing
(how pretentious did that sound?) but you can tell when someone is just sticking words in to make themselves sound more eloquent, like when people unnecessarily use 'myself' instead of 'me'.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:41, Reply)

True, and the same goes for the bad habit of including a bad sexual metaphor or simile in every other sentence.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I complained about Pooflake doing that
but PC shot me down with an irony burn.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Gaypond used to be good at them. In fact, I must admit I found Spanky funny when he first started.
But there are numerous dead horses in that genre that have been flogged even longer and harder than one of my old "Bumder Alerts."

Edit: And then just look at the great big throbbing metaphors in that! I'm such a fucking hypocrite.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Yeah I quite liked Spanky's first few
and really, his stories would still be quite entertaining if he didn't lace them with all the inneundos. I know everyone got fed up with Legless' wild stories, but I always thought they were entertaining and really that's all I'm looking for on a Thursday lunchtime.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:50, Reply)

I would have liked his stories better
If it didn't feel like he was using some kind of specially designed formula to produce them

Embarrassing position to be found in + explicit mention of sex/masturbation + overwrought metaphors = Best Of page. You could probably programme a bot to do it for you - Spankybot 2.0
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Or a phallic paperclip that pops up as you type
"Hello. It looks as though you're trying to write a surefire hit for QOTW. Would you like help?
- Yes please, I would benefit from a template and a host of dodgy metaphors and euphemisms
- No thanks, I have enough depraved sexual fantasies lurking in the back of my mind for a lengthy, lengthy run of these. (Apologies for length!)"
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:59, Reply)

effectively they were just a very complicated way of telling people
that he has sex sometimes.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I used it twice!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:44, Reply)

A future Pulitzer prize winner such as yourself? I won't believe it.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:47, Reply)

That's the nicest thing you've ever written to me

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:53, Reply)

I really hate that myself and yourself thing

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:45, Reply)

I hate yourself.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:49, Reply)

no you don't, you love myself

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:51, Reply)

it's true
I can't fight it any longer. Wait, maybe that's the problem, I haven't been fighting it at all.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:53, Reply)

why would you?
it's so pure and right
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:55, Reply)

I bet that's what priests say to little boys.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:57, Reply)

*shrugs*
it works for them
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:59, Reply)

My friend's aunt, when she heard him letting himself into the house
would always call out "Is it yourself?".
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:52, Reply)

is she Irish?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Yup
from Coleraine or somewhere up there.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Thought so my relatives do the same.
I love it.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Really, any one who answers that will be telling the truth

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:54, Reply)

Unless they're mental

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:56, Reply)

officelol

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:56, Reply)

Or they're Rogerthestarfish
or Ed
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:59, Reply)

unless they said no?
fuck I'm confused.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:56, Reply)