Hi, and all that
It's been a crazy weekend, but now all the important things are kind of done or decided, which is good, although we're going to spend more money than we wanted, but my parents wouldn't go for a mediocre wedding, so they're paying a good chunk of it anyway.

The question is, should I get upset or not? My brother is going to visit my sister in NY and going with their partners to Vegas. There, they are going to marry (each sibling is going to marry his/her partner, you dirty) That's at the begining of December, 1 month before my wedding, without inviting anyone, but not just eloping, as they've told me.

I feel quite bad about it, honestly. Am I being silly?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 1 Sep 2010, 17:38, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have nothing to add to this thread.
But as it talks of marriage, I will say, 'yes, you're being silly'

I'm not bitter.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 17:48, Reply)

Thank you for your opinion.

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 1 Sep 2010, 17:52, Reply)

To try and answer your post properly.
I'd be upset at your parents wanting to spend a lot of money on your wedding if you want a small/mediocre (your word) wedding. After all, it's your day - not theirs.

Why are you (possibly) upset at your brother/sister? It is because they are getting married close to the date you're getting wed, or because it's all a bit cloak and dagger?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 17:56, Reply)

I don't want a small wedding
but I couldn't afford a big one. The fact that every time I say: "oh, well, it's ok, we'll do with that" they come back with "oh, no, we can't allow your big day to be spoiled by this, we'll pay for it" doesn't make me upset at all. In any case, I'm being as sensible as always and getting a lot of things from friends for free.

I'm upset about them not telling anyone. Doing it in secret and as if it was just a game (2 weeks ago my sister was complaining that she couldn't stand her boyfriend anymore, and now they're going to marry). We're inviting them to a big party, we want them to share such a big moment of our lifes with us. They can't be bother to even tell anyone.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:00, Reply)

it's entirely up to them
just as yours is entirely up to you.

The main thing that I have found in planning my wedding is that I neither want, nor need most people's opinion on it. There are some aspects where it is interesting to find out how other people went about things, or how much they got ripped off, but mainly we are going our own way.

We're doing what we can to suit our budget, and are having a medium sized wedding in our home town in a reasonably classy hotel, it's not going to be massively fancy, nor is it the other end of the scale.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:04, Reply)

How many people is a medium sized wedding these days?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:06, Reply)

I think we've got 77 at the moment
actually, that probably counts as small these days
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:11, Reply)

I have to go to a cousins wedding
in October. But I might bow out and leave them another space. I suspect I am in the list of must ask relatives
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:13, Reply)

I went down a similar route
Although there was a lot of 'pressure' to invite people who were friends of both sets of parents as they were paying towards it.

Had to draw the line there as there were other people who were important to us who we were unable to invite.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:07, Reply)

we have no pressure fortunately
mrs V's parents are chipping in a bit, but don't want any control.

There are no politics at mine either. I could sit anyone with anyone and it'd be fine. Probably boring for most, but fine.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:10, Reply)

Apart from a few people I wouldn't have invited as I don't know them much
and a cheaper dress, everything else is more or less as we wanted it. It'll be a fun wedding in a banana plantation.

They're not getting married there because that's what they want to do. They are doing it as a souvenir, because they're going to Vegas and everybody marries in Vegas. Mark and I are going to promise to look after each other for the rest of our lifes, we think it's a very important step and something you should think carefuly so you don't have a mistake. They're just doing it because they get a fun picture.

If they were eloping I wouldn't be upset. I think I don't like the fact they degrade something I consider so important, making my vows 1 month later stupid on their eyes, as they've just done the same for fun.

I don't like either my sister trying to tease me with stupid questions like "you realize that you're going to be the last one getting married, eh?"

Anyway... I'm going home now.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:11, Reply)

in that case
they are fucking fools and I sympathise with your annoyance!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:12, Reply)

I'd be annoyed
I'd feel like I was being upstaged.
You're going to the trouble of having your wedding the way you want to have it because it's a very important day for you. Yet your siblings do seem to be making theirs a day out during their holiday rather like a trip to a theme park.
Yes, everyone's idea of an ideal wedding is different but still...I'd feel pissed off that I'd taken time and effort over this life event and a great deal of thought too. They meanwhile appear to have thought this is a crazy kind of thing to do, like a bungee jump.

I can understand your feeling that they've somehow degraded it.


All that said...it is only one day and the important thing is your marriage afterwards.

And weddings are notoriously stressful and while running off to Vegas might be a good idea - I really don't think it's that you're angry about, rather you're cross about their attitude to something you feel very deeply about.
I think you're right to feel cross...but equally if that's what they want to do, it's their choice and not necessarily a 'bad' choice at that, just different.

Sorry, I've rumbled on a bit there.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 23:19, Reply)

I know
As I said, I wouldn't mind so much if it was a decision they've made because they want to marry but can't afford or be bothered with all the preparations. The fact that they are doing it as a game is what makes me feel so bad. My sister wants to go as Princess Leia, and her boyfriend as Han Solo. And they're even taking their dog with them, dressed as Yoda.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 8:36, Reply)

I'd be well pissed off!
They're having a bloody joint wedding without you, that's so rude and selfish and horrible! I would be so mad and pretty hurt really. My sister was talking about eloping and not having anyone there and I said "not even me?" and she went "oh of course you, just no one outside the family" so even she (who can be quite miserable sometimes!) wouldn't exclude me from the wedding.

I think they're being dicks.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 7:34, Reply)

I think so too
I'm preparing a big party for them and even inviting some of their friends so they don't feel lonely... they keep saying it's only like a joke thing, but that doesn't help.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 2 Sep 2010, 8:34, Reply)