Have you made absolutely, categorically sure that said la-dy is not your ex?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:58, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yes I have.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 15:59, Reply)

Good, that's the first important step.
2. Any further luck in finding champagne flutes in the uncivilised desert of North Finchley?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)

Nein. I shall to stop off in Islington where there must be fucking MILLIONS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 16:08, Reply)

Good call. You can probably even get organic fairtrade free-range ones there
3. Have your given your tweed dungs a wash?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 16:10, Reply)

Steamed, pressed and ready to slide gracefully to the floor in front of the fire.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Jolly good. She'll like a man who takes care of himself.
4. Now then, fire. Standard log and coal combination, or will you be throwing some jews (or other ethnic minorities) on there for an 'exotic' touch?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

As it's Jewish New Year I thought incinerating a couple might be seasonal.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Ah, of course! Perfect timing.
Well, I think that's all the advice I have. Just make sure the swastika flag is hanging neatly above the fireplace, a bit of Mötörhead on the stereo for romantic ambience, and you can't go wrong.

All that remains is for me to wish you good luck, Öbergruppenführer, and have a top night.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

they'll have finished the meal and will be reclining gently on the sofa with a glass of wine in hand
and he'll lean in to kiss her and suddenly she'll pull of her rubber mask and it'll be...duh duh duuuuuuuhh...THE EX!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 16:00, Reply)

From what I've heard about his ex
It won't be a rubber mask, it'll be the face of her nextdoor neighbour.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Sep 2010, 16:02, Reply)