Well would you look at this, eh?
A deserted O/T.

I come home, rather the worse for wear after watching Pakistan finally kick the stops out, play well and beat us.

I've got the house to myself, I've got wine, I think I'll have a little B3TA discourse before bed and there's no-one here.

HA!...(hear the echo)? I can do what I want now. Pose my own questions then answer them to my personal satisfaction.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:11, 50 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Oh no, you can't.
I've just finished winding the denizens of another board up, and am now bored, so fire away.
I can be devils advocate, or obstroperous Mofo- I don't mind...
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:14, Reply)

I've just asked myself a cricket question
And answered it satisfactorily.

Next question - The Balfour Declaration. To what extent has this brought on the difficulties that "The West" and the Middle Eastern Countries seem to suffer?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:21, Reply)

Really?
Couldn't care. But all I know is that a) I did the alarms and CCTv for one of the peoples grandchildren (nicholas, if you are interested), and have just been dismissed from the company (or one of its subsidiaries) of the other. So my major concern is with the second of those two.
But the Jews & palestinians will keep fighting till the sun turns into a black hole..
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:48, Reply)

Yes they will.
And I was trying to be a bit of a clever-arse with the question and that pales into insignificance besides joblessness.

Anything on the horizon, Duke?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:55, Reply)

Yep
Got a new job to start monday. bit of a pay drop, but the old company offered me 35k to shut up earlier on. I told them to go do one, as the union said I could hit 6 figures. Don't need the money, just want to embarass the old firm.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:57, Reply)

Always go with your head rather than your back pocket.
Been there before. It's a tight little world and whilst rocking the boat might satisfy you in the short term, the ripples that you create always spread further than you might think.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 23:23, Reply)

Thats what I was told
For my sins, the Daily Mirror beckons.
But it may cause, as you say, a few "ripples"...
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 23:25, Reply)

I don't know you
You don't know me.

But alcohol-induced bravado doesn't enhance anyone's career. Take a deep breath before you plunge.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 23:34, Reply)

So, TD - is Bresnan really what English cricket needs?
Well I'm glad you asked me that - he's solid and reliable and can bat. Maybe he needs to learn to read the batsman better as a bowler. He'll get there.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:17, Reply)

naaah mate, he's an utter gaylord.
needs a stump rammed up his arse.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:23, Reply)

mind you...
he'd only like that, wouldn't he!
what with him being such a bummer.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:24, Reply)

Big Tim
Would smash ALL of Carlisle up with one swipe of his mighty bat (but today he had an off-day) so don't you be knocking him.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:31, Reply)

yeah, fer sure.
i'd fuck him up t'arse as soon as look at him.
then where would he be?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:34, Reply)

the bigger tim gets...
the more he likes it!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:35, Reply)

In Carlisle
Dressed as a sheep because that's how you inbreds like 'em.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:40, Reply)

darrn tootin'!
bring it on you southern jessy!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:41, Reply)

Fuck you and all who sail in you
Y'reet, Chief?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:25, Reply)

grand as fuck, cheers!
had a cracking steak dinner earlier (to celebrate the new company's first month's £7.5k turnover!), next 2 days off and she's upstairs gagging for it whilst i finish off this here mountgay rum & coke.
so yeah, things are ok ;-)
and daz and i are working together on tuesday, it'll be nice for the 2 of us to catch up.
you been drinking much today?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:33, Reply)

Oh good gracious me yes.
Drunk enough to float a battleship. And continuing.

Other half has gone to a wedding back in Druid-land to which I was pointedly not invited.

Not working until 07.15 Sunday morning.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:43, Reply)

druid land=wales?
so you be the naughty mouse whilst the cat is away. better get some smack and crack then.
gazzed you.
x
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:51, Reply)

Druid land
Wales - Tenby to be precise.

No playing for me. I'm too old and not sufficiently qualified in the looks department.

Mind you, she's taken the Toyota which leaves me to blat about in the X1/9 with the roof off.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 23:01, Reply)

ha! wasn't suggesting dirty boy behaviour, just drinking and such.
off upstairs, wish me luck (she's 14yrs younger than me and i fear/hope that my little black heart will pack in at some vital moment).
will be in touch about arranging our visit!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 23:07, Reply)

You freak me the fuck out
I honestly wish I hadn't read any of the above. Drop the fucking "sorted geezer" pretence or whatever, I dunno, it's far too fucking late for this and you're doing my head in.
(Mr Big Stuff, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 2:03, Reply)

you're doing your own head in, more like.
sorted geezer? bollocks.
just expressing some well justified smugness and having banter with a good pal of mine. you want to pass judgement on an exchange between 2 friends?
i've worked my cock off to get my new venture off the ground and it is surpassing my expectations so far as cashflow and profitability.
and as for my rather tastey wife (ask DG if you don't believe me) being 14 years younger than me, well i'm 41 and she's 27. being 27 she's a fair bit younger and fitter than me.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 18 Sep 2010, 10:10, Reply)

i'm here until my friends arrive (about half an hour probably)
but i have had a bit to drink so might not be very sensical... how are you guys?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:26, Reply)

Very sensical
Thanks fer asking, Ma'am.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:27, Reply)

Very good
But killing Cabarnet sauvingnon 2005 at an awful rate. Reduced at Asda- I know, but it was too good an offer to miss- was nearly £9, now £4 a bottle.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:50, Reply)

Show us yer tits

( broadsword, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:54, Reply)

you just love breasts, don't ya?
x
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:57, Reply)

And
Whats wrong with breasts?
*huffs*
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:58, Reply)

not a darn thing.
fucking love them myself.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 22:59, Reply)

Et voila
We are like minded. Maybe this is to do with the vast amounts of cabernet sauvignon.....
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 23:02, Reply)

off upstairs to explore the mrs...
nighty night.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 23:08, Reply)

Good luck
I shall send out a search party for you in due course.
Leave breadcrumbs.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 23:09, Reply)

There's other stuff in life
I like gardening, and DIY, I love walking the dogs on a lovely crisp autumn day, I'm building myself a model railway in the attic but...

You can't really beat breasts. If there's any more compelling evidence that god is male I'd like to see it.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 23:17, Reply)

There isn't
A good spooning session (like what I am going to partake in in a moment) with a fine pair of 38dd lady bumps can't be beat, its the most relaxing, zen-like experience I have known.
Oh, fuck, I'm getting maudlin now. This CS must be good...
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 23:28, Reply)

take this opportunity to never come back to b3ta again
please
(Mr Big Stuff, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 2:05, Reply)

away with you.
you're either a troll or a meatpuppet, either way you can bugger off.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 18 Sep 2010, 10:11, Reply)

He's not a troll - he's just saying what a number of people think
Nobody wants to hear the crap you post.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

apart from the person i was conversing with.
so a number all of a sudden becomes everybody?
funny.
if you feel like that then there's a button for it.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 18 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

change your user name to Thrush - it would summarise you nicely.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

a well thought out and apposite retort.
good work.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 18 Sep 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Blaireau69
Is a far better cunt than you, Battered, and can converse in the queens english. Believe it or not, that goes a FUCKING long way on this board. SO MTFU. Or go do one. Whatever, but just get the ideas of this board.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 18:04, Reply)

you wanna watch yersel sticking up for me, ya know!
if the COOL KIDS get wind of it you'll be banished to my end of the playground...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 18 Sep 2010, 18:59, Reply)

BTW
what does being a far better cunt entail?
am i far better at being a cunt?
am i far better than other cunts and so less cunty?
oh fuck, my brain just aches trying to work it out LOL ;-)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 18 Sep 2010, 20:09, Reply)

Why not try killing yourself while thinking it over?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 20:14, Reply)

because i've got far too much amazing stuff going on in my life!
that's why, you angry and sad person. i'm so glad i'm not you!
having to be mean on the internet to make yourself feel better about your angry, shit life? (gleaned from your answers and profile)
a beautiful bilingual daughter, a cracking (14yrs younger than me) wife,
a new business that's really going places, a wonderfully maturing sourdough culture, a brilliantly refurbished home (all my own work except the plaster skim), an abundant yet manically overgrowing vegetable garden...and so much more besides!
yeah, life is rich chez blaireau69.
x
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 18 Sep 2010, 22:09, Reply)

yeah, smugness ahoy but...
i've achieved more so far in my 41yrs than most folk achieve in an entire lifetime.
why sit on your arse waiting for it to happen when you can put on your Nike workboots and just do it?
anger and bitterness just hold you back. get over yourself.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 18 Sep 2010, 22:24, Reply)

I admit my language skills are not that great. I stand by the sentiment of my post though.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Sat 18 Sep 2010, 20:13, Reply)

your language skills are quite poor
and your sentiment is filled to the brim with bitterness.
i think there's an app for that.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 18 Sep 2010, 22:10, Reply)