Pulsing like a balloon animal crammed with deranged arachnids,
Bert's turgid member swelled from the rent in his dress like a leprotic dolphin struggling to escape the polluted waters of some horrible sea. Fluids foamed and burbled from nearly every part of the raw shaft except the tip. WBM tore off her bra, revealing breasts like condoms full of stilton, and in a single motion he swallowed the offending item of underwear. As he did so it seemed his throbbing crotch-gristle gained another cubit in length, and after poking around for a short half an hour he located the fold that contained her vagina. As he pounded away she hissed and spluttered toothlessly in his ear "Call me Roger".

_{Edit - adapted from a much longer but now barely-remembered piece I once wrote that continued far more bizarrely and very much in the style of the first sentence, and made one person throw up upon reading it. Literally throw up. This is only a shadow of its true glory}
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 16:38, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Oh NOW.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Oh NOW NOW, sing this corrosion to me...

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 16:41, Reply)

I always wondered about the line...
"Gimme the ring."
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Me too.
I just figured it was cause they were, as they claimed, 'pissed and old'.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 17:02, Reply)

That is fucking disgusting
Bravo!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 16:40, Reply)

It was once a lot worse...

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 16:42, Reply)