I completely agree
it isn't fair on anyone. Even on me - how come some people are totally fine with putting themselves about a bit, and I'm tying myself in anguished knots even considering the possibility of going for a drink - not dinner, or going back to his. Just a drink.
Loving the caveat at the end btw...
(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 21:53, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Maybe it's because you have morals.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 21:57, Reply)

I don't think I'm really the person to be moralistic
So thought I'd be the angel and devil on your shoulder.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:00, Reply)

Or, look at it the other way.
Lets say you go for a drink with 'hot bloke' and it becomes apparent that he could be yours. If he then finds out you've dumped a boyfriend to be with him, as a result of that drink. He'll be 'hmm, she doesn't seem the most trustworthy, I don't think I want to be with her'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:03, Reply)

There is this too
lose/lose all round really, isn't it?
(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:04, Reply)

Just be truthful with him.
If he's a good guy and if he wants you then he will wait till you've sorted out current boyfriend.
( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:07, Reply)

Assuming he ever texts back, of course!

(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:10, Reply)

Sometimes I don't regret the lack of interest from guys I've had.

( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:13, Reply)

Aww, sure you'll have had your fair share Blousie

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:14, Reply)

She does have nearly 20 years of giggity on me...

(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:20, Reply)

I'm now referring to it as giggity
:)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:21, Reply)

At least you can do
what you like with whom you please, when you please. Well, when you're not deciding to be celibate!
(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:15, Reply)

If only : (
Please don't make the mistakes I made and let lack of confidance ruin your life.
( girlinthehole, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:21, Reply)

Lack of confidence isn't something I suffer overly from any more
a bit, obviously, as does everyone - but I'm much better than I was. And I'm sure you could get plenty if you wanted to! Perhaps you don't put yourself out there enough?
(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:27, Reply)

It doesn't have to be lose/lose
You can end the relationship you're in if you don't think you'll be happy in the long term.

Total number of losers there. One. Your boyfriend.

You can then, with a clear head and without the devil whispering sweet nothings in your ear, consider your next move.

No losers there.

If new bloke wants you. WIN!

If new bloke still hasn't texted back, what have you lost? Nothing. Bar a boyfriend who is driving you into the arms of another.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:15, Reply)

Yes, but
I don't want to hurt him. I really, truly don't. Seriously, if breaking up with him would break my heart and not his, I'd be fine with it.
/feels pathetic.
(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:20, Reply)

So you should be unhappy to spare his feelings?
Get a bit of backbone and do what's right for you.

What is wrong with your current relationship, anything? Or have you just found a newer model?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:22, Reply)

We went on holiday together
he irritated and infuriated me to the point of despair. Ever since we got back I've just been getting more and more annoyed with him. It genuinely could just be me being intolerant though!
(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:24, Reply)

Bollocks.
Even if you have suddenly becovme intolerant, he still makes you annoyed. If you like being annoyed then stay with him. If you don't, either work out how you can move forward together in a way that'll make you both happy, or end things.

Does he know he annoys you?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:28, Reply)

He didn't
until he asked me why I was snapping at him over the weekend. So I told him and he looked utterly destroyed. (I didn't tell him about cute man, just about the doubts I'd been having)
(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:32, Reply)

At least that was honest
If slightly brutal.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:34, Reply)

He asked!
I had been bottling it up until then..
(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:41, Reply)

Well, give the boyfriend chance to digest this news
have a chat, see what solutions he suggests and make a decision based on that.

Do you live together?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:35, Reply)

No
he moved to the city I work in at the start of the year, and as I happened to be looking for a new place at the same time, I put a bit of pressure on to move in together - save money etc etc, but he was having none of it, said he wanted to have his own place for six months, which became a year, which became 'we'll move in together when we know what's happening with your contract next autumn' but since going on holiday with him I really really doubt I can live with him unless BIG changes are made.
(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:40, Reply)

Hope it works out
Can we lecture you for real on Friday?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:46, Reply)

Get me drunk
and I shall probably bore you to tears with it :P
(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:50, Reply)

They will be drunk tears
But yeah, ok. Then I can rub it in and tell you about the tremendous drinky evening I had with a pretty lady last night :)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:52, Reply)

This big change.
It'll be you moving in with someone else. I'm not Mystic Jeff or anything, but you sound like your mind is made up. Why else ask us? You know the answer, but you're scared of upsetting the boyfriend. Understandable, shows you care.

I hope things work themselves out quickly and whatever you decide isn't drawn out over months of misery.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 22:50, Reply)

Cheers, boyo
I hope it all works out too.
/sigh
(berk, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 23:00, Reply)