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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Chompy's answer is spot on for the first one.
The second one is totally trying to guilt trip you into going out with him. Run for the fucking hills.

Or more seriously, just tell him "I'm sorry you feel that way but while we get on brilliantly, there is simply a spark missing. I would hate to lose you as a friend but we can't be more than that"

Or just show him this

cock link is cock. see below.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 11:49, 1 reply, 15 years ago)
A broken link?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 11:49, Reply)
that'll fucking show him

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 11:50, Reply)
YEAH!
404 the fuck out of him.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 11:52, Reply)
Error: feelings not found.
Would you like to look somewhere else?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 11:54, Reply)
haha
there's an excellent bit in the new Futurama where Amy says "Him? He's just a wine waiter robot, he doesn't have feelings!" and the robot goes "hopes.....deleted"
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 12:07, Reply)
Cuntsticks.
try this
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 11:51, Reply)
WELCOME TO MY FUCKING LIFE

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 11:54, Reply)
Welcome to most people's lives
It's why XKCD is so popular, he writes comics that make people think "Fuck, that's me!".
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 11:54, Reply)
S'true, there's a comic for pretty much every occasion, and if not already, we're pretty sure that there will be a relevant one one day
Though it's all well and good being nice but if you're not hot it won't get you anywhere. Not even with people who wouldn't get any otherwise.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Like I no rite?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 11:56, Reply)
Lampitoooooooooooooooooooooo

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 1 Nov 2010, 12:02, Reply)

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