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Advice from Old People

Sometimes, just sometimes, old people say something worth listening to. Ok, so it's like picking the needle out of a whole haystack of mis-remembered war stories, but those gems should be celebrated.

Tell us something worthwhile an old-type person has told you.

Note, we're leaving the definition of old up to you, you smooth-skinned youngsters.

(

chthonic, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 16:16)

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Shoes and beds
"Never skimp on spending money on a good pair of shoes and a decent bed. If you're not in one, you're in the other".

Sage advice indeed. I have since heard it applied to anything which goes between you and the ground, like chairs and car tyres.

And while I'm here, any reports from the bash last night, people? Or are you still all too hungover?
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 8:56, 190 replies)

they've probably decided
that they don't need us any more with their real life knowledge, and their in-jokes.

*sniffs*
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:00, closed)

I'm hungover,
which is odd seeing as I don't usually get hangovers. I think it's from getting drunk with so many old people, their oldness passed on onto me and made me suffer.

Edit @ Vipros:
The only in jokes were the pieces of paper scattered on the table with "I like this" "More" "TMI" etc written on them.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:00, closed)

Hang on
Maybe Kaol and Belgaer/Silk/Gayer stabbed and bludgeoned them all to death.

That wouldn't be good. What would I do all day?
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:03, closed)

we'd
have to make our own goat jokes. eek!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:04, closed)

I did love about 10 people on the leg.
Let's see, I got; Bill, Ancrenne, DG, Grandmasterfluffles, Becky, MM, Enzyme & CHCB (both seperately and at the same time, I was proud of that) uhm... Ancrenne, Kaol... can't remember any others.

No bludgeoning took place.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:06, closed)

well, only one of them has shown up so far
maybe the others have been done away with...
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:06, closed)

how was everyone?
as you expected? any crazy surprises?

photos (or it didn't happen)
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:07, closed)

Yeah
We've just got Gayer's word for it that the evening was bludgeon free.

Vipros is right - photos. You know the rule!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:09, closed)

Al and Bert looked normal, so they weren't as I expected.
I wasn't the only one to be introduced to bert and then shout "You're not bert! Bert's..." and then either deformed, abnormal, evil, scary...

Everyone else was about how they are in the pictures.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:15, closed)

Good morning!
*sings a happy morning song*
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:16, closed)

Mornin' Bert,
how are you?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:16, closed)

well at least one got out alive
!
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:17, closed)

The others should be along around 12:00 I imagine,
atleast, some of them. I think I hit one or two a little too hard so they'll take longer to cum round.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:18, closed)

fair enough :-)
still rather envious

you going to make it down to exeter in july Gayer?
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:19, closed)

*skips*
I'm very well Mr Gayerson sir, and I hope you're recovering well from your hangover...?

May I also say what a handsome bunch all the B3tans are (except Kaol, who violated me).
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:20, closed)

@ Vipros
I shall indeed try, it will depend on whether I can get a job though. :P

@ Bert:
I would have to agree. I think Kaol violated everyone. I've never forcefully been mouth molested by someone before in my life.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:22, closed)

He.....
he.... put... his tongue... in... in my.....

....mouth.

*cries*
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:23, closed)

hmmm
that sounds more than a little disturbing
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:25, closed)

Morning Bert
You must have gone home earlier than the rest*, as they're not up yet.

*Possibly avoiding being bludgeoned.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:25, closed)

@ Bert
Yeah, he did that to me 3 times. You know what I find even more strange? I didn't see him forcefully mouth molest one woman... Yet I think he did it to every bloke there.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:26, closed)

Ashally Mr 6
I was one of the latest stragglers, and even missed my last train home, because of Madam Marlboro

*frowns at MM, even though she's not here yet*

I had to get up really early to come to work.

*frowns at MM some more*
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:28, closed)

@ Bert
That's not true, you left before all the oldies! When I left there were only a few still about, Ancrenne, Kaol, Wookie, Davros, Bill... I think that's it.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:29, closed)

Did I really?
I remember swaggering around outside with some people, then a club, then leaving.

I thought everyone else was leaving too though...?
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:31, closed)

Nah, we all went inside and got another drink or two,
then Enzyme and CHCB left. Then uhm... I can't remember who left after that, but someone else did, then I did. I think they all stayed about 'till closing time and then swaggered about the streets a bit.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:33, closed)

any unexpected action?
you know what I'm talking about

(other than the Kaol stuff ;-) )
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:35, closed)

Are you implying I'm a gossip?
Nosiree, not me.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:37, closed)

don't think of it as gossip
it's more like....informing
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:39, closed)

If it ain't mine to tell, I ain't telling it.
Sorry chap. You'll just have to wait 'till July and see it with ye own eyes.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:41, closed)

denied!
ah well, I'll live :-)

a good time was had by all though?
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:42, closed)

I believe so yeah,
everyone seemed to be rather merry and seems to have enjoyed themselves.

I think it was the leg loving that did it...
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:43, closed)

good stuff
I had a nice evening too
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:46, closed)

It was a very good night
definitely going to have to do it again soon.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:46, closed)

He's already mentioned
that CHCB and Enzyme left, presumably, together.

Not that that was unexpected though!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:46, closed)

Ditto, Bert.
Just a shame I may not make July due to money and I can't make August due to family... Gonna have to be September.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:47, closed)

No, I mentioned they were the next to leave,
I did not say anything about them leaving together.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:47, closed)

But you didn't say
Enzyme left, then CHCB left.

You said Enzyme and CHCB left.

Therefore I'm putting 2 and 2 together!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:48, closed)

I think it's pretty safe to say
that he probably took her up the 'arris.

Gently though.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:49, closed)

I wasn't sure if anything was going on there
but that didn't fall under the unexpected category :-)
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:49, closed)

In that case, Bert and Al left at the same time too.
With Al's missus an' all.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:54, closed)

Sauce!
!!
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:55, closed)

*stifles sniggers*

NONE OF YOU WILL EVER KNOW!
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:57, closed)

Well,
not until Al gets here, at least.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 9:58, closed)

You could always ask the actor playing Bert
if he can send you a copy of the video footage, then you'll know.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:00, closed)

hello lovely peoples
I have photos but I'm still in London so I'll stick them on Flickr when I get home at lunchtimeish. It rocked. We all rock. Etc.
(

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:05, closed)

morning all
Did you all have a cracking time? (ho ho)
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:06, closed)

@chcb
We certainly do.

@Tulip Morning! It was a rather splendid evening.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:09, closed)

morning Bert
Glad you all had fun. is everyone normal then?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:10, closed)

EVEN BERT IS NORMAL!!!! WTF!
He doesn't look like some weird deformed beast...

Tulip, you'll be very sad to hear this but... There was cake bought... Homemade cake iced with magenta cocks.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:11, closed)

not sad,
just miffed because I was going to do that next year in Scotland.

bert, gayer, you are coming to scotland aren't you?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:12, closed)

ahem
*cough http://www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/15009 cough
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:14, closed)

@ Tulip
if I has a job and therefore money (which I bloody better have by then) then yes, I shall be coming to Scotland. :)
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:17, closed)

@tulip
Whereabouts in the homeland is it taking place?

I have relatives up there, and might be able to visit
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:19, closed)

Morning all
Sounds like you all had a lovely time last night.

How often did cake, goats and/or monkeys fall into conversation then?
(Errorist, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:23, closed)

Bert
click me profile and look at the event i'm officially organising

I'm not bright enough to do a linky, soz.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:24, closed)

April next year..?
Ah, go on then.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:25, closed)

woo, yay!
*goes to find chocomalate fudgamacake recipes*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:30, closed)

Mornin' all
Hope you're not feeling too dis-orientated returning to b3taland after a night out in the real world.

Me, my bear (which I keep in my toilet to prevent Kaol from stabbing me in the shower) and my haunted suit of armour (the one with the ghosts from HLT's theatre and in which Chickenlady puked up in) greet you. Here, let me offer you a glass of fresh Spunkchup. It will ease your transition back into b3taland.

And remember boys and girls, pics or it didn't happen.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:32, closed)

Please don't!
Seriously. If you bring chocomalate fudgeama cayke to a bash people will see what a complete mong I am.
I'll scoff the lot, get covered in cake, and dribble like Bobby DeNiro in Awakenings.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:32, closed)

@Bert
Yup, me too. I always get chocolate all over my face.

We could laugh at one another's mongy-ness though.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:34, closed)

Miss Crackhouse
has promised us pictures once she gets back home.

Until then, it didn't happen
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:35, closed)

I have one photo
but that damned Photobucket's playing up.

Damn you Photobucket!
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:39, closed)

ha!
*one chocolate fudge cake has now turned into three cakes*
*one for Bert*
*one for k2k6*
*one for the rest of us to eat decorously while they have a CHOCOLATE CAKE RACE!*
*glees*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:39, closed)

it had better not
be a photo of your arse
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:39, closed)

* eats chocolate fudge cake decorously *

(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:42, closed)

Nobody could beat me
in a cake race, I'd be finished with mine and helping K2 with his within seconds.

It was a picture of CHCB licking wanderlust's cock.
Looking at it again now though, it's grainier than a wheat farmer's pants.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:43, closed)

@HLT
Much as I am looking forward to consumption of your delicious theobromine-based confectionery, what exactly does a cake race entail?

Is it merely a speed eating competition, or is it more akin to an egg and spoon race, involving control of motor skills and balance?

I'd prefer just to sit and eat it slowly, savouring every bite, whilst making a complete tit of myself by getting half of it over my face and shirt.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:43, closed)

erm, dunno
I just made it up.

Whatever is funniest at the time?

Woss theobromine?

*dafts*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:44, closed)

Bert,
use b3tards.com to load it. :)
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:47, closed)

Theobromine
is the substance found in chocolate which gives it some of its chocolatey flavour. It's most noticeable in high cocoa chocolate - it gives it that kind of bitter, strong taste.

I just used it above to be a smart-arse.

It's also the reason why chocolate shouldn't be given to dogs, as it's toxic to them.

Perhaps another form of cake race would be something like cheese rolling. But that's a waste of delicious cake, and hence a mortal sin in my book.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:49, closed)

*throws a cake in K2k6's face, circus stylee*

(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:52, closed)

Or cats!
It poisons them too.
(Errorist, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:53, closed)

Ah!
No, any cake racing must not render the cake inedible. That is the first rule.

I like really bitter chocolate. It makes me sneeze. I have never met anyone else who this happens to though.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:55, closed)

Fortunately for cats
They can't taste sweet stuff, and so have no desire to eat chocolate.

Dogs, on the other paw, will eat anything, and are likely to gorge on chocolate quite willingly, which can have serious consequences.

*scrapes cake off face, and eats it*
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:55, closed)

*spangs for "on the other paw"*
That is all.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:57, closed)

From reading the above comments
It seems like Kaol no longer follows his own rule.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 10:57, closed)

Didn't know cats couldn't taste sweet.
Spose that explains why those cat 'chocolate' drops didn't taste nearly as good as they looked.
(Errorist, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:01, closed)

for anyone with photos
there's a flickr pool for b3ta bashes. See the links on the calendar page for details.
(

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:02, closed)

@spakkaman
What rule is that?
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:05, closed)

Kaol has rules?
What the heck are you on about? That ~~man~~ thing has no rules.

Edit:
Damn you bert!
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:06, closed)

I believe he meant
the 'pictures or it didn't happen' rule, which Kaol is fond of quoting at every available opportunity.

Where is he today anyway? Did you hit him a bit hard with your table leg, Gayer?
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:09, closed)

I can have a guess at where he is,
but I ain't sharing it.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:13, closed)

Kaol's rule
I meant the 'do you not have a penis?' rule.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:16, closed)

@Gayer
Is he doing the do? -with a b3tan? That is so naughty.

There seem to be alot of people hooking up on this website. So, how do you fancy it? -You and me.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:17, closed)

I thought you'd never ask! *swoons*
Though, does all the physical stuff have to be with your actor? :S
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:19, closed)

I'm afraid so.
My stunt double does all my sex scenes, hence the reason he now has a bumhole the size of Scarborough.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:25, closed)

Does that mean he does all the goat molesting too?
I'm afraid I don't like the smell of your actor. He has a certain... Scent to him.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:28, closed)

This here future is a let down
They said there would be Smell-o-vision by now..if there was we could all smell the scent of Bert.

Gah.
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:43, closed)

No no, it's not the scent of Bert,
it's the scent of Bert's actor.

Bert looked too normal to be Bert so I decided he'd hired an actor to leave the house on his behalf.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:45, closed)

Waiting for the photos is worse than waiting for qotw to change
*bites nails*

*drinks coffee*

*considers masturbating to use up time*

*reconsiders as currently looking after sick mother*
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:48, closed)

I don't know where people get this idea that I look normal
I'm skinnier than a nine year old girl, hairier than a Yak and have the ears of a Chimp.

Normal eh?

EDIT and last night I was wearing Cool Water by Davidoff, s'a nice smell.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:50, closed)

July Bash
I shall certainly be considering that one - money and childcare need considering...but a weekend in Devon could be nice...
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:50, closed)

@ Bert
Yeah, and looking like that we still think you look too normal to be Bert... Does that make you wonder about just how you come across online? :D

Not to say we don't love you for it, ofcourse.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:51, closed)

@bert
your face is less round than I'd immagined it, but apart from your eyebrows not being as bushy as I'd immagined them, you're pretty much the same.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:52, closed)

And good morning to this thread!
I had weird alcohol and b3ta related dreams last night...

Also, I can't remember being violated by Kaol... But then maybe my brain has thus far blocked out the trauma?
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:55, closed)

morning all!
Everyone recovered? I'm sure everyone who attended last night will be nice and limber for the july or august bash.
ace.
i on the other hand watched 2 episode of Come Dine With Me with my mum.
rock on.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:57, closed)

That would be most likely.
He violated everyone. I was sat there having a chat the first time... y'know, as you do. Then I get a tap on the shoulder, grabbed by the throat and had my face licked. It took me a while to realise who it was.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:57, closed)

I avoided face rape!
Yay me. Everyone recovered?
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 11:59, closed)

I had 5 rashers of bacon
and two eggs for brekky. Nothing better than grease to cute that groggy feeling after drinking. I don't get headaches or throw up. I just get a funny feeling in my throat that requires grease.

You?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:00, closed)

Morning MM!
Not fully, but on the road to it! Small mercies and all that!

You?
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:00, closed)

Seeing as didn't get up til 10
I am perfectly fine. I'm so glad you're not all internet weirdos.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:01, closed)

Oh, we are.
We're just normal in that there outside.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:02, closed)

Defence from being grabbed by the throat.
Make a praying motion with your hands below the other person’s arms that are grabbing the throat. Raise your arms and when they make contact with the other person’s arms, separate your hands while still raising your arms. Then turn sideways and strike their throat or the bridge of their nose.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:02, closed)

I find that not resisting
and waiting 'till he's bored works best.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:03, closed)

@Spakka
We could've used grandmasterfluffles as a defence... Black belt in Tae Kwondo (sp?)!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:04, closed)

Apparently
becky is forbidden by law to hit people, due to the damage she can inflict.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:05, closed)

.
The other thread
is now dead.
Reading b3ta in bed
is good for the head.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:06, closed)

@ DIT
It's not Grandmaster that has the black belt, it's Becky, isn't it? Or do they both have it?

@ MM
Yeah, my wrist really hurts today... How hard can it be to aim at my hand ffs? :(
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:06, closed)

When alcohol is involved
remarkable hard. I only did it cause you told me to anyway.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:07, closed)

No, I told you to hit my hand
not my wrist.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:08, closed)

No, defo GMF...
But I think, from previous stories, Becky could be pretty handy too!

*starts building personal guard of dangerous ladies*
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:10, closed)

Grrrr
argh.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:12, closed)

Ah right, didn't know GMF was too...
I only know about Becky's legal requirements, as MM said. She can't hit someone on the hand who's asked for it whilst drunk but she can beat the shit out of some guy? What an odd lady (I'm glad she's at work and so won't read this yet :P )
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:13, closed)

^Hey! MM!
Want some cake? :)

EDIT: If I'd have been her I'd of beaten the shit out of that guy considering what he'd done, legal or not...
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:14, closed)

Has it got a magenta cock on it?
If so, yes. Yes I do.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:15, closed)

Have, not of. :)
I wouldn't have myself.

/pacifist

Edit:
I saw more women licking cock in one room/day last night than I ever have done before.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:15, closed)

What DiT said
asking for a punch, and shitting on a person to that degree are very different things.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:16, closed)

Pfft,
technicality.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:17, closed)

I lost you all for a minute there,
didn't realise we'd come back to this thread.

Becky's hard as nails, but cooler than an Eskimo's nuts.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:18, closed)

Thank you for correcting my grammar, are you my English teacher?
Hm. Thought not.

EDIT: Not really a technicality though, is it? There's a world of difference between:

"Here, hit my hand!"

and all the shit that guy put becks through. Everyone has a breaking point, my friend, I just suspect you've not found yours yet.

DOUBLE EDIT: Bert is cool. He even had a cool t-shirt.
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:18, closed)

Yay Bert.
Yay for cool Bert.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:22, closed)

Cool? Me?
You must have me mistaken for somebody else.

I get my kicks by licking people's ears.

EDIT @DiT A cool T Shirt that I'm still wearing because I haven't even been home yet.
Thank jebus for dress-down fridays
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:24, closed)

No, I found mine... I've broken twice in the past.
Still, y'know.

Anyway, if she's legally not allowed to hit people, why learn to do it? I mean, if it's for self defense but you're not allowed to use it as such, there's no need for it, right?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:26, closed)

You didn't lick my ear
But you did lick Beckys, and then she licked my ear.

So I got licked by proxy.

*glees*
(

Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:26, closed)

When did you appear, Al?

(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:27, closed)

Defence from an unwanted snog
Just behind the back of the jawbones (where the jaw ends), if you push your fingers in and then upwards, it hurts.

* would have enjoyed GMF and Becky's company *
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:27, closed)

Afternoon all
Hope I wasn't too much of a cock last night.

I too suffered Kaol's affections, and I feel slightly dirty for giving him some tongue back, but I was worried that remaining slack and passive like I'd been rohypnolled would just encourage him...

I got to work on time this morning, fuck knows how, and therefore I have calculated a lethal dose of caffeine for my size. You'll be pleased to know that I can have another 12 cans of relentless before my heart stops.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:27, closed)

I licked Becky's ear too?
Poor bloody Becky.

I'll lick yours next time, al.
I really admired your dashedly handsome beard.

EDIT Hello wookie!
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:28, closed)

.
@gayer
We learn to do self-defence coz it’s fun.

@al
So if you lick my ear at the next bash, I get licked by proxy so much that I make up for not coming to last night’s bash?
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:30, closed)

*unlurks*
Apropos of nothing you've been chatting about all morning, but felt I had to mention this:

I was feeling a bit grumpy and leftout of things until just now when I was immensely cheered up by receiving an email from someone called Chelsie Bunn!

Then I all cheered up agains :)
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:30, closed)

Hey wookie
You were a very welcome addition to the throng. I'd stop the caffeine for now though.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:31, closed)

How come I missed out on all this licking then?
*cries*

The best I managed was a strange lady on the night bus home making me sniff her kebab.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:31, closed)

@WGW
Don’t worry about it. You were just caught up in the heat of the moment.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:31, closed)

@ Wookie
Euphamism?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:33, closed)

Hooray for Chelsie Bunn
Now, if only she'd e-mailed me...
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:33, closed)

Here
have a Hobnob
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:37, closed)

@spakka
why, would you send a naughty reply?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:37, closed)

Thanks
* Takes bite out of hobnob while eating a banana *

EDIT: @HLT: Nah, I'd just tell her she was a day too late for the Accidental Innuendo QOTW.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:38, closed)

*snatches*
Ta very much.

*dunks in beer*

*scoffs*

It dun't taste nuffink like Barnardos!
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:39, closed)

Bert know nothing
it tastes of banana. He just has a faulty face.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:40, closed)

Gayer - I'm really not sure.
She just kept waving her fingers under my nose and cackling "Smell my kebab!".
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:41, closed)

I think you'd pulled mate...
Anyway, what is it about me that scares you?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:42, closed)

*belms*
It's not my face's fault!
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:42, closed)

She and her fella did invite me round for a threesome
but as neither looked like they'd washed this week I chose to decline. I'm always tempted in these situations to call their bluff just to see if they'd go through with it, but I didn't think it was worth the risk this time.

Besides, I'd always intended my first threesome to invove two ladies.

I'm scared because you could snap me like a twig, Gayer.

I do think you and Kaol would benefit from those T-shirts that read "Don't worry, I'm from the internet". :)
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:46, closed)

Haha,
I've never seen one of them Tshirts but I would quite like one now.

Did you just liken me to Kaol? :-o *gasps* That's uncalled for.

Anyway, it's not my fault you're short, skinny and bald.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:50, closed)

Wookie is develishly handsome
and has a lovely hat.

I liked Kaol. But I didn't get face rape, so...
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:51, closed)

Bald<i>ing</i>, please.
It's not all gone yet.

Also, if you subscribe to chaos theory, it could well be all your fault. You or the butterflies. Bastards.

EDIT - Ah, html tags don't work in the subject. Tits.

FURTHER EDIT - Aww, thanks MM. Traumatic as it was, I'd have probably sulked if I'd been left out of the face rape, so I guess it's all good.

EVEN MORE EDITING - Just so we're clear, I never said I didn't like Kaol, just that I didn't like him like that.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:52, closed)

Methinks
the lady doth protest too much...
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:57, closed)

I think that we should just leave all of Wookie's posts open
that way he doesn't have to keep editing.
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 12:58, closed)

Ho hum!
Right then, lovely people, I'm off to a Karate lesson, should work the remaining booze out of my system... See you in a couple of hours!

For the record, Wookie's hat was dashing... I may have to buy myself a trilby...

*rakish*
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:02, closed)

The face rape
left me shocked to my very core. I did not like it at all, I keep chewing gum, but nothing washes the taste away.
I'm going to have to brush my teeth with bleach from now on.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:02, closed)

Karate my arse
enjoy your gladiating in spandex lesson.
(

Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:03, closed)

@MM
Busted! :)
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:04, closed)

You see
now i've met you, I have an image of MM bending over while DiT Karate Chops her buttocks.

Brilliant!
(

Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:22, closed)

.
So did MM only have a single buttock before?
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:23, closed)

Yes
It was thanks to DiTs hands of steel that she now has the fine crack that currently nestles in the back of her pants.
(

Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:28, closed)

Which one was it that had her arse on show?
Was it GMF or MM?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:29, closed)

Oh FFS.
I missed all the fun.

*builds time machine*

*goes back to yesterday*

*travels to London*

*goes to bash*

*wakes up from dream*

Bollocks.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:31, closed)

Yes, that's it
Just rub it in about how much the rest of us missed.

:(

*Hands large cake to HLT*

*Cries at thought of missing being face raped by Kaol, karate chopped by DiT and mooned by MM and GMF*

*Thinks...August...August....August...and maybe July!!*

*Glees*

EDIT - *Hands cake to K2k6*
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:33, closed)

In whoever it was' defense,
it was just a builders bum type job. Not a full moon. :(
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:35, closed)

Aaaah
don't be sad madame poulet, it's wasn't all that great really. We all just stared at the floor uncomfortably for about three hours, then my girlfriend turned up so I had an excuse to leave.

*nose appears unaccountably long*

Oh who am I kidding, it was ace! Apart from the facial molestation obviously. Be great to finally see you in August, and the new shoes of course!
(

Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:36, closed)

@Gayer
A crescent moon can be quite a pretty sight.

*munches cake given by chickenlady*

Bugger this bash nonsense. I'm just going to sit here and eat cake.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:36, closed)

@ Gayer
But I bet it was with a lovely sparkly thong on show too! Or some funky boy-shorts.

/knicker blog

actually the /knicker blog thing is true..I wrote about my knickers on my blog last year...
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:37, closed)

@ Al
by August the shoes will no longer be new.

I shall have to purchase some more....

*Glees*

*Eats more cake*
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:39, closed)

From where I was sat
There was no whale tail to be seen, just plain old crack.

Commando maybe?
(Belgaer is, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:40, closed)

'twas Fluffles, I think
As a demonstration of hairlessness.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:40, closed)

@Al
I read that as "facial mole station"

almost made me spit out my coke again
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:41, closed)

Funnily enough
I always imagined GMF to have a really hairy arse.

Oh, no, wait - I'm thinking about Sexmonkey.

*applies mindbleach*
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:46, closed)

*Hands Vipros a rolled up tenner for his coke*

*Wonders about facial mole stations*

Maybe they're tiny little moles...maybe that's what causes zits...tiny little moles digging in your pores....
LolMoles!
In ur face, diggin' in ur zits
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:48, closed)

*sniggers*
why do I find lolcats etc. so funny?
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:52, closed)

@chickenlady
Can I nibble on your cake too?
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 13:58, closed)

@ chickenlady
thankee for the cake!

*nomnomnoms*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 14:01, closed)

*remembers gmf's bum, right in my face*
This is a happy memory for me.

Though, unfortunately my hairy arse was not on display last night.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 14:04, closed)

Pieces of paper
"The only in jokes were the pieces of paper scattered on the table with "I like this" "More" "TMI" etc written on them."

Was there also one for "SPANG!"?
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 14:26, closed)

Bert:
you were wearing a monster magnet t shirt

I love you
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 14:28, closed)

Monster Magnet
I only discovered them when I downloaded a Torrent of pop-videos and saw the one for Space Lord.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 14:42, closed)

don't think I've seen the video for Space Lord
but that's the song that got me into the band

now they are my favourite band; I have all their albums and a dangerous* obsession

*dangerous = annoying (to other people)
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 14:43, closed)

@Vipros
I do love the Magnet, I was telling Kaol about a gig I went to years back where they set their guitars on fire halfway through Heads Explode and couldn't finish their set.
Genius.

I was seriously considering getting the God Says No album cover tattoed on my back.

EDIT I'm still wearing the T shirt (which has never been washed some people might like to know), as I haven't been home yet.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 14:58, closed)

they are playing london soon
but it's midweek and I couldn't find anyone else who would take a day off to come with me :-(

that sounds awesome

they are just the greatest band ever.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 14:59, closed)

They're playing at the Astoria on Tuesday
If I wasn't skint, and they hadn't already sold out, I'd so be there.
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 15:04, closed)

tis a shame indeed
I will make do with listening to them almost exclusively.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 15:05, closed)

*dun-da-dun-da-dun-da-dun-dun*
You gotta meet my little friend, you wanna see my face again.

*dun-da-dun-da-dun-da-dun-dun*

(different song?)

You're pretty like a donkey, but I bet you kick like a mule...
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 15:08, closed)

you heard the newest album?
it's quality, particularly the bit that goes

"well I'm back, I've got a cock made out of platinum..."
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 15:10, closed)

Nope,
but after a recommendation like that, I'll definitely look it up!
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 15:28, closed)

Space Lord
Got me into the band too, but I only downloaded the one album with that song.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 15:30, closed)

@mistaspakkaman
To be honest I only own God Says No, it's a fantastic album, and definitely worth looking up.

But I saw the video to Powertrip shortly after it came out, and that kind of put me off buying any more of their albums (until now).

Sorry Vipros!
(

Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 15:35, closed)

some of the albums have to grow on you
monolithic baby! particularly

but 4-way diablo is really good
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 15:38, closed)

Powertrip is a hell of a song
Hearing it across the fields at Reading one year is what got me into the band.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 15:54, closed)

ah, monster magnet
how do I love thee...

let me count the ways...

actually, let me not for I am going home to record with my band. huzzah!

have a good weekend everyone

oh, and wookie: nice hat
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 15:56, closed)

Ta very much.
I think more people should have hats. There was a guy on Tottenham Court Road a moment ago in a pink velour pimp hat. I gave him a round of applause.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 16:01, closed)

.
.
Chat continues here
.
And also briefly here
.
(

mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 20 Jun 2008, 16:55, closed)

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