Advice please
Really, if this place is a font of knowledge, then how come we haven't been exploiting it this week?

Can anyone answer the following questions (properly answer, not just about goats and cocks and stuff)?

1. If someone is worth waiting for, how long should one wait?

2. Does a different rule apply to buses? I waited over an hour for a 73B last week. Is there some kind of ratio/forumla/scale?

3. What weight is a good-sized salmon to catch? Should I use prawns or worms as bait?

Those were my weighty questions. Thanks in anticipation.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:02, 41 replies)

Well, I can only answer question 3
Between 3 and 4lbs is a good sized salmon. They are all tasty and tender and apparently that is the best size if you want to smoke them. And no I don't mean in a joint.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:05, closed)

*reclines, crosses left leg over right, sucks pipe and orates*
1 - dont wait, ask.

2 - I call it 'temporal interference theory' or TIT for short; light up a cigarette and a bus will arrive imminently

3 - A sloppy and inaccurate inquiry, this one; the size of ones salmon depends on the length of one's guestlist
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:07, closed)

@HLT
Thank you HLT. I'm enjoying the policeman story, BTW. That's a good point about the smoking - I've found out how to make a smokery out of a biscuit tin.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:07, closed)

And I can only answer No.1.
One should wait until either they come to you or until the pain of leaving them is outweighed by the pain of the prolonged loneliness. The length of time is dependent upon the severity of either pain.

Fuck, I've been doing engineering too much lately...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:08, closed)

@baz and Loon
wise words indeed.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:09, closed)

@TRL
perhaps some sort of graph could help explain your point a little more clearly.

I like the colour green in my graphs, if you felt that way inclined.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:11, closed)

1-
If they won't willingly come to you, don't wait. It's hard to start a relationship with someone on such unequal grounds.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:12, closed)

I'll have a go:
1) If someone is worth waiting for, then surely the amount of time you wait is the appropriate length of time. As my Mum says - "if it's meant to be, it'll happen". Failing that, make it happen and go get them!

2) Buses have their own time system which is directly linked to nicotine. Light a cigarette and, no matter how long you've been waiting, the bus will come.

3) The record for a salmon caught with hook and line is 126 pounds, but they average at about 30 (Alaskan salmon), so that might be a good tagert. You could try herring bait or even Salmon eggs, they love a bit of that.

Thank you. My invoice is in the post! :)

EDIT: What in the name of good Christ is a 'Tagert'? Am I implying that a wizened old Scottish detective should be fishing with you saying "och! This salmon's been MURDERED?"
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:13, closed)

@baz/DIT
the cigarette trick didn't work last week, partly because I don't smoke, though someone else lit up and it still didn't arrive.

I am catching the 310 tomorrow though, so I'll take a cigarette just in case.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:13, closed)

DiT
2- so true!
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:14, closed)

Sucks air in through teeth
Hmm. Tough questions.

1) If it were me (note the non use of 'if I were you') it would depend on my patience levels with the person in question. Do you have an inkling that they feel the same way? If you think they do, set a timescale and stick to it. Failing that, just tell them straight.

2) I also subscribe to the light a fag theory. Works for me.

3) I don't fish so can't comment. However Gordon Ramsay made a smokehouse out of Reliant Robin last night.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:19, closed)

For number 2
arxiv.org/PS_cache/arxiv/pdf/0801/0801.0297v2.pdf

To summarise you're better off waiting unless your journey is shorter than 1km in which case you should walk it anyway and not be so fecking lazy.
(Milo Minderbinder, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:21, closed)

First buses scheduling is random.
(It was 6 miles or I would've walked it, and I was carrying a very heavy laptop.)

I like the concluding sentences of that paper.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:29, closed)

The cigarette trick
only seems to work if you have been umming and ahhhing about having one, then finally decide you'll have time for it.
If you don't smoke, may I suggest having something in your bag...(A book, or a tasty cake perhaps?) That would be slightly inconvenient to remove. Sods law has often proved that as soon as you've removed everything else from your bag to reach the chosen item, that's when the bus will show up.
Alternatively, if there is a shop near by, saunter over in a nonchalant fashion to buy a drink or some gum and then prepare to run back as the bus will do doubt be waiting at the bus stop.
Number one rule though, don't let the bus know you want it to be there. It can sense your longing and likes to wind you up by making you wait.
( wanderlust, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:30, closed)

that's true
they can smell bus desire like wasps can smell fear. FACT.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:32, closed)

It's like the kettle
boiling scene out of Three Men in a Boat.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:33, closed)

The answer to point 1:
How long is a piece of string?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:43, closed)

^
twice as long as half its length.

Or 31.5cm if it's the piece of string I have in the cupboard.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:44, closed)

To convert length into time
we just need to measure how long it takes to cover the length. Now what's the best way of traversing a 31.5 cm string and how long will it take.

This is beginning to sound XKCDey.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:48, closed)

yeah...

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:52, closed)

...and...

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:53, closed)

xkcd
is pertinent to all walks of life
If you're a geek.
And I am.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:54, closed)

Today's XKCD
made me lol, though you need the alt text for the full experience:


( Maladicta, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:54, closed)

...not to mention...

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:54, closed)

Geek? Moi? Not as much as he is:

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 25 Jun 2008, 17:57, closed)

heh
you two are providing some much needed entertainment.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:00, closed)

@ MM
Glad to be of service: this is another of my favourites...


( Maladicta, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:02, closed)

And, of course...

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:03, closed)

and this one

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:03, closed)

And this one!

( Maladicta, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:05, closed)

And yes, the website does exist.

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:08, closed)

XKCD cartoons
If you're going to inline them, don't forget the HTML title-attribute that you get on the XKCD page. It sort of adds to the cartoons.

XKCD rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:08, closed)

That
was going to be my next one, but this is also brilliant:


( Maladicta, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:12, closed)

The "My normal approach is useless here" one.
I had a moment like that aged 17. If only XKCD was around in 1991, I wouldn't have felt so alone!

Anyway, here's what the mathematical formulae boil down to:

What is the root of love?
Why love?
What is the identity of love?
How does love change?

I don't know what the last one is. Anyone care to help me out?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:17, closed)

Well.
1. A year
2. Same for buses
3. Why catch salmon when you can buy it at the fishmongers.

Edit - seriously, I think a year is a good length of time to wait for anybody, unless your an oldie like me with not much time left and then after 6 months you want to be looking at your other options.
( girlinthehole, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:32, closed)

@BGB
No idea on the buses, but the difference between freshly caught wild salmon and farmed fishmonger stuff is amazing.

And (IMO) Atlantic salmon tastes better than the Pacific fish.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:36, closed)

At the moment
this one is my favouritest but then I do actually enjoy being rickrolled:


( Maladicta, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:38, closed)

@K2K6
When I win the lottery then I'll buy wild salmon. In the meantime I'll have to make do with farmed.
( girlinthehole, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 18:48, closed)

I can only answer number 1
While it's romantic and all to say you're waiting for someone to feel the same way as you do it can become very tiresome and weigh greatly on your mind, when you could be doing other things far more productive.

I myself waited around three years for a guy to realise that he loved me - on and off as we drifted in and out of each others lives - not a continual 'He WILL love me and we'll have puppies and he will buy me roses and pretty shiny things' - and once I got him I realised that he wasn't what I wanted and it took a further two years to get rid of him. I'd built up such an ideal picture of him in my head that he could do no wrong, but of course he was human and fallible, so even the first time I found out he cheated on me I was able to dismiss it out of hand as he was this perfect guy who possessed such charm that it was all ok again within a week.

So I'd weigh up the pros and cons of this guy and decide for myself if he is indeed worth waiting for and for how long. Failing that give him an ultimatum of how you feel and how if he doesn't feel the same as you and isn't likely to then maybe you should both forget about it.

*hugs*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 25 Jun 2008, 20:56, closed)

Never wait for someone
if they are with someone else. If they just popped to the shops I wouldnt start moving out just yet.
( Cocodaye Miasere likes chips and peas, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 1:50, closed)

@BGB
I didn't say anything about buying it....
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 8:48, closed)