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This is a question One Night Stands

Freddie Woo says: "I was young and desperate, she was older, divorced and was sick on me. Seemed an acceptable criticism at the time." Tell us about your one night stand disasters, or lie about your triumphs.

(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 13 Mar 2014, 16:05)
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This exact qotw happened to me last week...
I was visiting one of the outliers of my portfolio - a delightful Grade II* cottage just south of Chipping Campden - as the tenant had reported a strange problem concerning 'noises' coming from the fixtures and fittings.

Upon arrival is was obvious what had happened and I called in the necessary workmen to complete the repairs. Over the years the original doors had warped and were no longer fitting the frames, causing them to creak and move at all hours.

The carpenters arrived quickly and as I was helping make a brew, I overheard them having a bit of a tizzy over where to start work. But this was soon resolved when one of them pointed firmly at the front door and shouted, 'No. THAT'S the one I'd sand.'

And then I shagged the fortysomething tenant. She's a famous writer too.
(I helped save b3ta! Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 13:51, 12 replies)
You fucked JK Rowling?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 13:53, closed)
If that's what 'famous female writer' means to you. Then yes, I fucked JK Rowling.
There are others, you know.

But if kiddie books are your thing...
(I helped save b3ta! Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 13:55, closed)
^ashamed of having fucked JK Rowling^

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 13:59, closed)
The stroppy mare wouldn't accept a lift on his moped.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 15:23, closed)
expeditus vesparamus!

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 15:33, closed)
Very good.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 17:56, closed)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 21:26, closed)
you were funnier before you bottled it and started pretending that all your lies were deliberate trolls

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 14:00, closed)

There's no pleasing some people.
(I helped save b3ta! jagwap, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 14:03, closed)
that's what YM said
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 14:21, closed)
But she pleases everyone...
and I mean EVERYone
(LetsGetDownToIt, Wed 19 Mar 2014, 15:03, closed)
I have to agree with this.
It was the combination of po-faced and outlandish that made the tales so successful.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Wed 19 Mar 2014, 15:03, closed)

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