the death boob
A couple of years ago I was walking down the road with a friend and was distracted momentarily by a poster in a bar window. I kept walking as I read it and then turned my head forwards.

*BOOONNNNG*

And then there were stars.

The thing I remember most is my eyebrow, right on the bone, hitting the metal lampost so hard that you could hear the metal reverberating for a good few seconds afterwards. True slapstick. I fell back on my arse and bled profusely. Having been knocked silly I could only grin at passers-by stupidly when they asked if I was alright as my mate went in to the nearby shop for first-aid crap. It probably needed stitches but I could not even be remotely bothered with A&E. There is of course, a scar.

The next time was just as stupid and more painful.

I was walking back from band practice one night and was carrying some equipment, bass, small practice amp and a bag taking up both my hands. I crossed the road and wasn't too far from my house when I tripped over my own stupid twatty clumsy feet and began to do the stumbling-forward-fighting-with-gravity-trying-to-right-yourself thing which we've all done.

Several things flashed through my head.

1) I think gravity is going to win this.
2) I'm holding a lot of gear, including my beloved bass, and I don't want it smashed. Therefore I'm not letting go.
3) But you won't have any hands to break your fall idiot!
4) Gravity has definitely won.

I careened forward, too late to drop my equipment. I had only had a split second to react and I had picked replaceable musical equipment over my soft, fleshy body. Mistake.

The area I live in is not one of the city's nicest areas and the council have of course done everything in their power to right this. The main initiative appears to be adding bits of scrubby greenery here and there. One of which is near my house. It's separated from the pavement by a row of flagstones that are upturned like a fence, about a foot off the ground.

It was on to one of these that I fell boob-first.

Now, b3ta seems a pretty blokey place and I would wager that a lot of you do not know how painful this is but I feel I can call on my fellow b3tan ladies to verify that boob trauma is fucking painful. An upturned, pointy flagstone, my bodyweight with nothing to break the fall and my boob crushed in the middle. the impact was so hard I felt the shockwaves wrench my spine. I rolled to the floor, all breath and strength knocked out of me. I thought I'd broken some ribs.

A group of passing scally-type ladies stopped to see if I was ok, lying on the floor wheezing and scared to move as I was. I could only gasp that I was ok as the idea of them trying to move me was too much.

After a while I realised I hadn't broken anything and somehow managed to get home, which was luckily only metres away. I couldn't sleep for a few days as the slightest movement of my back produced tears of pain. I thought of all the stuff in my boob-the flesh and ducts and tubes, hammered flat. I began to get paranoid I'd severed them or permanently torn something. It healed but even today, about a year later, is just that bit more tender. Because I tenderised it.

And a bonus picture of the offending mammary gland. Anyone expecting hot boob pic action will be sorely disappointed as my hand is holding the naughty bit and it's fucking BLACK AND HORRIBLE;

tinypic.com/r/vecf4p/3

Just to add as well that this was about 3-4 weeks after the event, you can see patches of white where the bruise is subsiding and it's purple rather than black. Originally, my whole breast was black and looked like it had the plague. I didn't take a picture then. I was too busy sobbing.

There have been others. Because I drink a lot and am lacking in common sense. It's a wonder natural selection hasn't weeded me out yet as I doubt any poor child would benefit from sharing my hopeless genes. Survival of the thickest.
(orestes is shitting in the 1940s, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 0:07, 13 replies)

OW!
that looks horrible! i've got fairly high doorhandles in my place, i've been known to catch a nipple on them more than once whilst walking around bra-less, that hurts enough. nearly ripped one off, once :(
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 0:21, closed)

the idea of "ripping a nipple off"
along with slitting open an eyeball is one of the injuries i only have to think of to feel sick.
(orestes is shitting in the 1940s, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 0:33, closed)

thanks to an over-enthusiastic ex
i've got 2 teeth-shaped scars at the top of one nipple
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 0:41, closed)

AUUUGGHOOWW

(orestes is shitting in the 1940s, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 0:46, closed)

not as bad, but still painful
sleeping on your side, partner turns over and catches your nipple under his elbow...
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 0:51, closed)

nipple-cripple
At school a mate of mine had his nipple ripped off in rugby. It bled loads and he eventually got name name nipple-cripple for the rest of his school days. Ah, kinds can be so cruel.
(swooler, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 10:47, closed)

hahaha!
that's a great name! i've got a mate with 3 nipples, she got called triple nipple
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 18:15, closed)

I thought I did that once
Unbeknownst to myself, the little ball in one of my nipple ring had fallen out. As I slid sideways into the shower one night, the remaining ring part hooked on the aluminium angle extrusion that forms the corner of the door recess. I felt it catch, but it was too late, the momentum carried on and all I could do was watch my nipple stretch out and to the left about 5 inches. I had enough momentum to open the ring up so that it looked like a fishhook and released itself.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 7:33, closed)

Yeowzers
You have my sympathy. I was expecting a link to the "I love horses webpage."
(SkoaL, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 0:34, closed)

UUrrrgghhh
oops i just made a mess in my pants - did anyone else see a boob? A BOOB, imagine finding a picture of a BOOB on t'interwebz
(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 1:07, closed)

oh god.
that looks horrendously painful. As a fellow boob endowed b3tan, I send my condolences to your poor breast. How long did it take to heal??
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 3 Aug 2010, 7:42, closed)

unsure of the amount of time but seeing as this was a good few weeks after the event it was a good few more weeks after that, going through the black to purple to greeny-yellow to normal, as bruises do. the back and rib agony left after a few days but the back twinged for weeks if I walked or lay down wrong and my boob was pressure-sensitive and painful for months.

dumbest injury ever.
(orestes is shitting in the 1940s, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 20:36, closed)

Eeeeek!
That looks like the planet Jupiter without the rings..At least by posting a picture you didn't recieve a furter 20 e-mails asking for POIDH.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 11:50, closed)

Truly painful looking!
I had a bruised tit a few times. Once from a man punching me in anger and luckily missing my face, once from the backswing of a bat.

But DAMN. Boob trauma is rough, I WILL vouch for this one. My ladies are of the "low fat" variety. It's all tissue, and it ALL hurts. But as a fellow lady B3tan, I understand how bad something can hit there. You EXPECT it to be a shock absorber. I suppose it is. Too bad the girls are still ATTACHED to you afterwords. Hope it doesn't occur again or you'll make those things like jello!
(LakAttack, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 11:57, closed)

bastard
I hope you "missed" and kicked him in the cock.
(orestes is shitting in the 1940s, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 20:41, closed)

Oh
My eyes are smarting! I had a cat which I used to stupidly let into bed with me. Very stupidly because it would innevitably step on my right nipple on the way in. Nothing compared to your trauma though.
(occassional, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 13:27, closed)