When people ask me for directions
and I am clueless, I will invent some rather than enduring the shame of confessing my ignorance.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 16:33, 12 replies)

Argh
This is the most annoying thing in the world, having been on the receiving end!!! If you don't know, just say so, instead of making me *more* helplessly lost!!!

*Grumble grumble*
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 16:36, closed)

Sometimes
people seem to sense I'm out of my depth and I see them ask somebody else further up the street then turn around and give me a dirty look.
That's a double-whammy of shame for poor old Happybara so don't judge me too harshly...

Also, there's always the chance I might be right!
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 16:43, closed)

You are right
I can usually tell if somebody knows what they're talking about. Wouldn't give you the dirty look though :)
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 17:05, closed)

Working in central Mordor as I do
This behaviour is sometimes the only way I'm able to get over the misery of my pathetic existence.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 16:46, closed)

Central ...Mordor?
I don't understand.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 16:48, closed)

Landan, innit.
Fram vat vere Lord Of The Rings innit.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 17:19, closed)

the best one
is pulling over and asking for directions to - say the train station. If the passer by replies yes, before they have chance to explain, simply say - "fantastic!" as to seem like you were merely checking local residents for their local knowledge.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 16:56, closed)

OK I'll say it
If anyone asks you for directions the first thing you say is: "Well, I wouldn't start from here"
(hairybuddha, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 22:51, closed)

Yes it's 'You can't get there from here...
you have to go somewhere else first...'
(Bernardate, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 16:12, closed)

Ooh... that's a long way
If you're going to walk, you'll have to take a bus.
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 17:53, closed)

Top Tip (unless you're in a rush)
Always take the first left turning you come across, until you arrive at a place you have already been. When this happens, take the first RIGHT turn, then carry on turning left until you arrive at a place you have already been etc. etc. You will eventually cover the whole surrounding area, and have the best looking calf muscles of all your friends.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 20:27, closed)

Another Top Tip
from someone who's spent 15 years on and off working as a delivery driver. If you need to find an obscure local street in an unfamiliar area:

DO ask: Postmen/women, parcel van drivers (TNT, DHL etc), taxi/minicab drivers, street sweepers, bin men.

DON'T ask: Old ladies, schoolchildren, random dog-walkers, joggers, traffic wardens, police officers.

Or else pop into a paper shop, pick up a local street map, garner the necessary information, put it back and walk out.
(WillI'mNot logs in twice a year, every year, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 14:16, closed)