Sales Calls
This really gets my goat, sitting down for dinner, putting the telly on to watch a movie and settling down to just being comfortable when........

*RING,RING*

"F*cksocks" says I, knowing what's coming.

Sure enough, it's a withheld number (caller ID rocks) and I begin to ignore the annoying little ringing device held in my hand. But the ringing won't stop, and when it does it recommences in a few seconds time, still withheld. Only one way to get this over with.

"Hello?"

"Yes, my name is Harold, and I would be wondering what telephone service you be using please?" - why do they always spiel off this same message, trying to sound like an English call centre, despite the fact that they quite clearly are from the other side of the damned globe.

No matter what my response is (and I have just said "F*CK OFF" down the phone before in response), this inevitably eats up 5 to 10 minutes of MY time, time I could be using to watch my movie, or curing cancer, or masturbating (first or third options are far more likely, curing cancer is harder than it seems).

In order to prevent this annoyance to driving me into an early grave of sheer desperation, I have come up with a defence mechanism.

Phone rings, I answer, chappy (or lass) reads off their predetermined script and I return with....

"Oooh, one sec, I have something on the burner" then put the phone down and go back to what I was doing , see earlier. After about 10 minutes - the time I would have lost in the conversation (also about the time it takes to crank out a good handy-shuffle) - I will loudly ask to my flatmates "Who left the bloody phone off the hook?" before hanging up. Doesn't stop the calls mind, but I feel less angry about it.

Length? About 10 minutes of furious plugging before they eventually get the hint I don't want their product.
(UncleChuckles "Cthulhu fhtagn", Fri 2 May 2008, 10:45, 9 replies)

Why don't you just get
tps registered?
(Belgaer is, Fri 2 May 2008, 10:50, closed)

I did
Still get the f*cking things - just fewer of them
(UncleChuckles "Cthulhu fhtagn", Fri 2 May 2008, 11:00, closed)

My solution:
when they ask for me by name I say "Oh you need to speak to my Dad, I'll just get him..."

Then I place the phone on the stairs/side etc and shout "Dad!" loudly and leave it there for 5 mins before hanging up.

I've also discovered when they start out with "Hi I'm sharon from FuckwitsRus, I'm just calling..." I interrupt and ask, "sorry which company was that? Just need to write it down..." they normally hang up on me then.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:06, closed)

If you're TPS registered and they still call you
the first thing you should say to them is "I'm TPS registered" they then HAVE to hang up, if they don't ask to speak to a supervisor and ask for a written apology :P
(Belgaer is, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:10, closed)

.
TPS is great for call centres in this country and those who abide by the rules but they are toothless so plenty of places ignore them. I mostly don't bother to answer them, the latest one bothering me turns out to be some debt collection agency that tries to get info about your neighbours from you. I googled the number rather than answering it to find out.
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Fri 2 May 2008, 11:22, closed)

On the funny side
The best calls I used to get were when I lived on a mid floor flat, for conservatory estimates. Talk about f*ckwits.
(UncleChuckles "Cthulhu fhtagn", Fri 2 May 2008, 11:59, closed)

just a thought
why do people have such a huge problem with cutting them off at the beginning of their speech with 'I don't want to speak to you about whatever you're offering, please dont' call back' and hanging up? I do it and it works a treat, much better than all the passive aggressive stuff mentioned above, and much less rude than shouting F*CK OFF, also strangely satisying as you feel like a real adult rather than a wimpy kid making up excuses.
(octopuspie, Fri 2 May 2008, 13:02, closed)

My Grandad had lots of telesales calls....
...just after my Gran had died asking if he wanted to take out life insurance for him and his wife. Obviously this was quite upsetting for him given the circumstances and each time he would explain that his wife had died and say no thank you.
He must have been called one time too many however because when one company called him he said that yes, he would like like to take out life insurance for he and his wife and spend the best part of half an hour giving the man on the phone all of his details. Once this was completed he said `right then - I'd like to make a claim - my wife died 3 weeks ago'. They didn't call him again.
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Fri 2 May 2008, 15:53, closed)

I agree..
with the fact that it's annoying.

But I worked in a telesales place a couple of years back, and god I hated it. It is by far the most soul destroying thing I've ever done. We (the operators) don't choose to call you in particular, you're just the next name on our list. Shouting "Fuck Off" at us won't endear you, it just makes you sound like a cunt.

Please, just cut us off at the start with "No thankyou, not interested" and that's brilliant!

Then again, the best call I ever had (the one that got me sacked) was a half hour biblical discussion with a retired man, who was obviously very lonely. Was ace!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 May 2008, 13:42, closed)