I know how you feel ...
you know those prats (every workplace has one) who know *exactly* how someone else feels in any given situation? Why aren't we allowed to shoot them?

Example 1: Couple of years ago, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. Luckily, it was caught very early, and treatment was swift and successful (touches wood) so that she's still here to drive me nuts. A colleague, who's mother has never known a day's illness, comes out with the above remark. Oh no you fucking don't. You have absolutely no idea how I feel, and even though you're an objectionable twat I hope you never do. Another colleague, who'd lost her mother to the same thing, merely offered support and a listening ear. Far more useful.

Example 2: Many months pregnant with second child, I was suffering severe sciatica. I could barely walk some days, and was limited in the painkillers I could take. Thankfully, it resolved after the baby was born. Same colleague as above, same stupid remark. Being just a *tad* hormonal, I asked sarcastically if she'd ever had sciatica, and nearly fell off my chair when she said no, but she'd once pulled a ligament in her ankle. So have I, and the pain is very, very, different. Which I pointed out, and she denied. In her opinion, all pain was the same.

I could fill pages with examples of this woman's false empathy for a variety of situations, but won't. You'd all get bored, and so would I.

My advise to everyone out there - never use this phrase. Humans are all different, we react to pain differently, whether physical or emotional. Much better to express regret at another's suffering, and offer whatever support you can. Even if it's just a shoulder to cry on, just feeling that someone else gives a damn can help at the worst of times.

To sum up, please don't say this to me, as a punch in the kisser often offends.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Sun 4 May 2008, 14:07, 6 replies)

Yeah, I know exactly how you feel
*ducks*

You're right. Nobody knows how others feel - they might remember how they felt in a similar situation. Real empathy is walking in another's moccasins....

*click*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sun 4 May 2008, 14:20, closed)

maybe you should say
my face is hurting, someone punched me

then when she replies with the usual, and she says no, she's never been smacked in the chops, you could actually show her what it feels like
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Sun 4 May 2008, 14:23, closed)

Tourette's, I'll let you away with that remark
'cos I'm mental, but not mental enough to argue with PMT. Next week, though, I'll be the one raging at the world. Isn't being female such fun?

It's just not fucking fair! And it's all his fault!

*makes note to remind MrWitch to tread very very lightly over the next few days*

Flesh: now you've got me thinking. Have to make sure there were no witnesses, though. Damned company rules.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Sun 4 May 2008, 14:24, closed)

I also hate people that say
"If I were you, I would do this".

No you wouldn't, if you were me, you'd be doing exactly the same as I'm doing now. because you'd be me, you see, and therefore party to my thought and decision making processes.

This particularly got my goat when I was in the process of splitting from the ex. "If I were you, I'd divorce her, mate" was the most common advice I got.

Me: "Er, no, thank you - I don't want to divorce her. I want her to come to her bloody senses and give it another go, actually. Because I love her, you see".

Mates "Fair enough, but if I were you I'd still divorce her".

Me: "Oh, fuck off".

Etc.

(I did divorce her in the end, obviously).
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 4 May 2008, 17:46, closed)

Davros
you only need a one line answer to put them off ever saying that again ...

"No, if you were me, I'd be uglier / dafter / older*"

*Delete as appropriate
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Sun 4 May 2008, 18:13, closed)

^Good point
I'll try and remember that :-)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 4 May 2008, 18:16, closed)