Here's a question for you clever people
How the hell does one get one's boyfriend to dump his 'friendship' with his crazy psycho ex?

Damnit! It's been a year and a half of her trying her vindictive little damnably subtle (so said boyfriend of mine doesn't notice and therefore thinks I'm paranoid) games to cause dissension in our otherwise blissfully happy engagement! I'm freakin sick of it. If I didn't care about public appearances I'd go beat her bloody while screaming at her to fuck off back into her dark little hole.. But still. I'm too nice/cowardly for that.

Of course my main problem is that she is my future brother in law's girlfriend's best friend (complex!). And also the godmother of my boyfriend's niece. So she's never going to go away entirely. I'd just quite like it if she'd move somewhere like Australia and then I'd rarely have to see her little piggy face. Which would make me very happy..

So, any suggestions??
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:05, 33 replies)

I'm sorry to say this
But I don't think it's going to works.
There are loads of lovely single young men of b3ta though...
( Cawl, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:07, closed)

@Kaol
Are you trying to pull every single lady b3tan within a 24-hour period?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:09, closed)

unfortunately
that would be conceding the win. And, being stubborn and pigheaded, I'll never let psychobitch win over me :p
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:09, closed)

I think
Kaol is suffering serious nookie withdrawal symptoms.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:10, closed)

@Kaol
You're just going to spend this entire QOTW trolling for depressed female B3tans aren't you?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:10, closed)

@Al, Enzyme
Kaol deserves top marks for trying though.

*sets up others for obvious 'very trying' joke*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:11, closed)

it's a
fair strategy
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:11, closed)

Ssssssh!
It's a secret.

This qotw couldn't come around at a better time...

*grins*
( Cawl, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:12, closed)

@K2k6
you're right, he is trying!

*laughs so hard he vomits up own rectum*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:12, closed)

@Kaol
Sorry!

*hopes to avoid the fabled Kaol frown*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:16, closed)

Record a conversation with her
on a subtly hidden mobile phone, then "accidentally" play it to your boyfriend. Or beat the crap out of her. Either works!

*phones ambulance and tries to stuff al's rectum back where it belongs*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:17, closed)

hehehe
Go for it Kaol. Good luck to you....I'm sure there are plenty of them hiding in the woodwork.

And Darras, have you given any thought to a large shipping crate and several bottles of vodka to lure her into said crate? Just think of the savings you'd get from shipping her to Australia instead of buying plane tickets!
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:17, closed)

If I were 10 years younger
I'd be all over Kaol like a zombie over brains.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:19, closed)

challenge her to a race around the world
starting at noon in Trafalgar Square.

then, after you have both set off, you can double back and (here's the clever bit) not take part in the race at all!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:19, closed)

Suggestion
Going to have to bring your A game and be really sneaky and underhand. You need to walk her into a situation where she is exposed as the total boiler she really is....If it were me and it'd been a year and a half I'd be so tempted to wind her up really subtly and watch her go *boom*
(GirlOfTheWorld, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:20, closed)

@CHCB
nice turn of phrase

I prefer to say "all over [subject] like stink on shit"



sorry
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:20, closed)

@CHCB
What, stiffly, covered in blood, with a lot of moaning?
( Cawl, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:20, closed)

Damn Vipros
that is the most cunning plan we've had yet. It's so crazy, it just might work.

@CHCB you're not exactly over the hill, and you have said how you're happy with fuck buddys, why not take him for a spin in august and see what comes up? (arf)
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:21, closed)

Eek. That is a tricky one.
Having had firsthand experience of the Psycho Ex (not mine, but one of Mr Maladicta's less savoury exes), who even introduced herself as such, it's a pain but the only way you're going to be able to make your boyfriend see sense is to try to draw the cuntishness of the creature out into the open: like recording stuff, videoing stuff, whatever... and in the meantime, just think to yourself that she's the lesser person because she's bitter enough to cause all this drama *hug and cake*
( Maladicta, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:22, closed)

Alternatively
you could just start coming on to her whenever you're left alone. If she tries to tell you boyfriend say how ridiculous it is and that she's being vindictive and trying to split you up.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:25, closed)

I would use
fire, everyone knows that her type are afraid of it..... this psycho ex is a zombie, right?
(mon bison powered by magnets, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:26, closed)

@Al
that's the one. out crazy the crazy.

good work sir, I salute you

*salutes Arnold J Rimmer style*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:27, closed)

"out crazy the crazy"
I'm just writing a story about this...
( Cawl, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:28, closed)

What is it with women???
...and the ex-partners of their boyfriends/husbands??? Why get so concerned about it, it's in the past, and I CAN'T VERY WELL GO AND ERASE MY PAST, CAN I!!??!! IT HAPPENED, IT'S OVER NOW, LET'S MOVE ON, I DON'T GIVE YOU A HARD TIME ABOUT YOUR EX'es, DO I???? DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IT JUST MAKES YOU LOOK INSECURE AND CONFIRMS YOUR DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!???....... ... Ahem, so anyway, I would reason with your boyfriend, and let him know how much it hurts you when he has contact with his ex, and if he truly loves you, he wiil never talk to her again, EVEN IF IT'S REALLY, REALLY NECESSARY, AND TRYING TO SORT OUT THINGS LIKE THE SALE OF THE HOUSE, WHICH WOULD BE TO YOUR BENEFIT BUT YOU ARE TOO SHORT-SIGHTED TO UNDERST.... As I said, just explain how it makes you feel, and he'll see sense. And if that doesn't work, try NAGGING AND SULKING AND JUST MAKE HIS EXISTENCE UNBEARABLE, HANG IN THERE, DON'T GIVE HIM A BREAK!!! ...so good luck, hope you guys sort it out.
(Lump, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:29, closed)

@Lump
haha! You sound like you had a terrible experience. Poor soul.

Not all women are like that, I generally have no problem with exes if they're nice and happy to just be friendly. This one is the first I've ever taken issue with. Mainly because I don't like her underhanded manipulative attempts to break my relationship. I also won't TELL my boyfriend what to do because I am not that kind of women. I need a way of helping him to understand y'see. Not a way of forcing him into a way of life he's unhappy with. :) It's a hard path to tread I tell you!
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:35, closed)

oooookay
*moves away from lump and closer to the cake*

What you want to be asking yourself is "WWCND?" (what would Chuck Norris do?), the answer is always roundhouse kick in the face.

Failing that I like Al's plan.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:35, closed)

*growls at TGB*
move away from the cake, I'm having the last bit.

*munches cake*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:38, closed)

Oh
sorry TBG

*offers conciliatory cake*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 15:50, closed)

@darras
My ex used to make "unpleasantness" for my wife, too, when my wife and I were first dating. Then she got a job offer and moved 400 miles away.
So the obvious answer, assuming she is a professional-type, is that you should sneak into her house, steal a copy of her CV, and mail it to appealing companies in other cities. Hopefully one will call her for an interview, and the problem will sort itself.
Okay, on second thought, burglary is probably not the best way to go here...perhaps you could invite her for a coffee and just frankly ask her why she is doing the things she does, explain to her how much he means to you and how her actions are futile as they will never achieve the result she desires, etc.?
(chase, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 18:13, closed)

@al
"@CHCB you're not exactly over the hill, and you have said how you're happy with fuck buddys, why not take him for a spin in august and see what comes up? (arf)"

*COUGH*
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 19:36, closed)

Be unfailingly nice and polite and lovely at her.
If you show no signs of being jealous, possessive or insecure, she'll find it nigh on fucking impossible to bugger about with your relationship - and more than likely will resort to measures which will make her look like a hysterical, bunny boiling harridan.
( Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Thu 5 Jun 2008, 21:10, closed)

@mistaspakkaman
quite, though Enzyme showed me his CV and it's really long.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 21:38, closed)