Titanic, -
Went with the misses at the time expecting reward love afterwards,

All went down hill when i shouted you could fit 4 people on that raft at the end, damn fat ginger bird.

And then she was in that awful Holiday movie as well, i had to sly off for a half time wank to try and stay awake, saw Borat was on next door so left the bird to it.


Lets not mess around... i've got a big dick, but it ain't 12 inchs, otherwise i'd be out showing people right now
( two_hats_shakir is going break dancing after his tea, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 17:15, Reply)

No-One's Mentioned
King FUCKING Kong...

THREE BASTARD HOURS of Jacksonesque Wankery that I am NEVER, EVER going to get back.

It's been a while, good to be here... :O)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 17:09, Reply)

Lager
If Fosters lager was a film it would be Titanic, unbelievably popular, incredibly bad and people cheer when it's finished.
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 17:08, Reply)

Crap, Actually
I have a nightmare that the way I'll die is being sanded from the feet upwards, while being forced to watch Love, Actually over and over again until I feel the blessed release of unconciousness.

Death would be preferable.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 17:07, Reply)

Actually I liked Lost In Translation
It's quite a subtle film, but it's still a bit slow and definitely *not* a comedy.

On the other hand, I like Van Helsing, which has fantastic visuals, the silliest plot in existance and Hugh Jackman and Elena Anaya without much on. Hubba.
(EssY, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 17:06, Reply)

Best film = Bring it on
OK, how many Jack Bauers does it take to break a lightbulb?

JUST TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS!

Did that make any sense? Sorry.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 17:06, Reply)

bad =
catwoman
or
aeon flux.

Gigli ?

those are bad.

the ones you lot are describing are in my opinion simply not accessible to most people.
( pregnantfridge, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 17:02, Reply)

Muriels Wedding
I haven't seen it, but I can imagine it would be exactly like facing the business end of a manure spreader as the release valve is opened.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 19 Apr 2007, 17:01, Reply)

I loved Moulin Rouge!
It was wonderfully camp.

But another terrible, terrible chick flick is "In Her Shoes" - Cameron Diaz being a slut and Toni Collette (Muriel's Wedding) being the fat ugly one...it's almost 3 chuffing hours long...I lasted approximately 30 minutes before I wanted to kill myself.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 17:01, Reply)

Vanilla
Sky.
(jennymnemonic, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 17:00, Reply)

I win!!
I have had the misfortune of watching Suburban Commando - starring Hulk Hogan. Shit in its purest form.
(TheSmallestOne I am sure its what you do with it that counts., Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:59, Reply)

I went and saw...
Moulin Rouge with a mate. We both left in tears. Her because it was a beautiful romantic spectacle about a tragic love. Me because I'd spent the whole film biting the inside of my mouth to stop myself shouting "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE IT STOP."

In fact I'd rather drink a pint of my own sick (or anyone else's for that matter) than watch anything with Euan McGregor in it.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:58, Reply)

Incidentally
abefroman has THE best film idea ever.
I urge you all to ask him about it!!!!
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:58, Reply)

PJM
Agreed. Moulin Rouge is so bad that I couldn't watch it. And I watched all of Sahara.
(frankspencer, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:55, Reply)

that thirsty......
I could kill a Fosters!

no doubt abefroman will have something to say about this!
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:54, Reply)

Worst film
Muriel's wedding. I have actually met people who liked it! What happens? Fat minger marries some swimmer for a green card doofer, then doesn't. ya de ya de ya de ya. Poo on a stick. I'd rather drink a pint of Fosters
(Neostenine's maker, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:52, Reply)

yes yes man
Murray only had a small role. It was rubbish.

Lost in Translation was so boring I only got half way through it and packed it in. If I wanted to watch people staring moodily out of windows I'd get on a train.
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:52, Reply)

Moulin Rouge
Can anyone think of anything worse than this?

Inserting cocktail sticks into your eyes perhaps? Maybe piercing your genitals with a rusty tent peg? Substituting lavatory paper with 600 grade sandpaper when suffering from a bout of the squits?

With the possible exception of My Best Friend's Wedding, I cannot think of anything more awful.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:52, Reply)

Lost In Translation...
...is awful because it's a shallow justification for spoilt behaviour. All the characters apart from the two whining main characters are derided simply for getting on with their lives and NOT being needy, insecure adolescents.

Don't you wish Kelly Hu had a shorter haircut in Scorpion King? You'd well see her boobies then. Plus, the bit where he catches the arrow is ace.
( yes yes yes man oi mate, someone's writtten 'bum' on your neck, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:50, Reply)

lost in translation
Is successful because it captures perfectly that mood of alienation and displacement that being in a strange culture causes - which in turn mirrors the same sense we have through life about our direction and meaning. And in Scorpion King you almost see that bird's tits when she comes out the well.
(frankspencer, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:46, Reply)

oooh
abefroman - blimey, don't remember him in it. mind you, it's been a while. I stand corrected :)

frankspencer - honestly? mind you, Scorpion King is ace.
( yes yes yes man oi mate, someone's writtten 'bum' on your neck, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:41, Reply)

yes yes man
Bill Murrays CV (though as it's on imdb it's probably wrong)

www.imdb.com/name/nm0000195/
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:38, Reply)

Actually
Lost in Translation is one of my favourites, along with Being John Malkovich. And the Scorpion King.
(frankspencer, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:37, Reply)

Wust fillum
The Sound of Cocking Music. Made me seriously consider becoming a Nazi when i was about 8.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:36, Reply)

worst film
definitely Lost In Translation - self-justifying whining for spoiled brats.

To tie it into this QOTW, I went to see it with my wife when we were together and even though I knew she'd loved it I couldn't help tearing it apart as soon as we came out (and all the way on the walk to the restaurant). I didn't get any sex that night (no loss, she was crap anyway) and a few months later she left me for a bloke who did like that film.

Still, he's fat and boring now and I never have to see that film again. My current girlfriend insisted we go and see 300 last weekend. I love her.
( yes yes yes man oi mate, someone's writtten 'bum' on your neck, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:34, Reply)

7 months at uni.
Was with a brilliant girl - good looking, funny, the whole deal. Great catch I though. Wan't with her just for sex but it would have been nice from time to time.
Two weeks... give it a bit longer, maybe soon.
One month.... had a chat about it, decided "not to rush things"
Two months.... Put in this much effort - why give up not
Four months.... do you know when you are queueing at the supermarket and your queue is going really slow and you consider joining a shorter one, only for the one you just left to move really fast. Thats how i was feeling
6 months.... ok geting bored now
7 months... bingo!

It may sound shallow, she was a really nice girl and i wansnt in it just for the sex, but 7 bleeding months!!
(fuzzy duck ? maybe., Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:32, Reply)

worst film ever?
Timecop.

I win.



no backsies!
(UnstableDan Bah, Humbug! ooooh, humbugs, nyom!, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:30, Reply)

Hum
My Best Friend's Wedding

Being made to sit through this film was the single worst experience in my life. I've never wanted to attend a lynching before, but I would have travelled halfway round the world to partake in mob violence against the script writers responsible for something I find only marginally less offensive than Mein Kampf.

I am amazed that Julia Roberts (she of Erin Brokovich) did not publically commit hari-kari at the premier whilst exclaiming eternal shame and regret that she loaned her acting abilities to what must surely be the biggest load of fermented donkey semen which has ever been projectile vomited onto the screen at my local cinema.

I can honestly say I find Celebrity Come Dancing more entertaining, which in itself is about as enjoyable as chewing off your own limb.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:29, Reply)

the worst film ever made is
Koyaanisiqatsi, and I claim my £10.

Some film of a sausage machine pumping out sausages.

Cut to a film of employees streaming into an office.

Cut back to sausage machine.

Cut back to people.

DO YOU SEE?


No, uh, wait, could we go over that again? Your imagery is too subtle for my unenlightened brain.

Oh dear, now I've made myself angry.
(no way hose is staring unemployment in the face on, Thu 19 Apr 2007, 16:27, Reply)