Suspect is Armed and Dangerous!
Riding home from work one night, I was surprised to see the old flashing blues behind me, and an official finger indicating that I should pull over. The usual panicky feeling, but as far as I could remember there was nothing wrong with the bike - paperwork up to date etc - so it was a bit of a mystery.

The two policemen emerged from the car, talking into their radios and looking severe. But as they got closer they seemed to relax, and were actually positively friendly.

It turned out that there had just been an armed robbery nearby, and the "perp" was seen to escape on a bike which was similar to mine. The cop said that he could see that it wasn't me, so it was just a routine stop. All smiles and relaxed chat. But then it took a turn for the worse...

"So, if I can just have a look in your rucksack, sir, we can all be on our way."

Oh shit. Why today? Why did I have to get stopped today, of all days, with what I have in my rucksack. My blood ran cold, but there was little I could do: I'm sure I must have looked pale as I wriggled out of the straps and unzipped it.

The policeman reached in, then hesitated. He looked at his colleague, then pulled out the contents. This was it. It was all over.

They looked at the complete set of Status Quo albums, then handed them back silently and waved me on. Oh, the shame.

insert "criminal record" joke here
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 10 May 2011, 11:23, 6 replies)

Nothing wrong with Quo.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 10 May 2011, 11:53, closed)

I just thank the gods
...that it was too long ago for it to have been Coldplay.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 10 May 2011, 16:19, closed)

Bet you had some explaining to do
when they discovered 12 Gold Bars about your person.
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Tue 10 May 2011, 12:14, closed)

Ha ha
I recently took an international flight with a carry-on suitcase containing a teddy bear (I'm middle aged), a pair of child's pants (with Star Wars on), 10 Ladybird books on various subjects from cookery to pottery, a homevideo marked 'Sue in the bath', 3 pairs of stockings and a bright pink dress (I'm male). I was praying that I wouldn't get searched. There was a perfectly rational explanation for each item (and no, it wasn't that I'm a cross-dressing infantilist), but I'm sure it wouldn't have come across that way to the security guards.
(Smale is stuffed, Tue 10 May 2011, 12:26, closed)

Appearances can be deceptive
I once bought a packet of condoms and a box of earplugs. It wasn't until later that I realised how that must have looked...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 10 May 2011, 16:18, closed)

add a nose clip & you're set up
for the chestnut ending, "... 'The 2 things i hate most are screaming women & burning rubber'". Can I borrow the badum tish from earlier?
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Tue 10 May 2011, 18:20, closed)