Nightclub doormen in small towns.
Musclebound Imbeciles with power to ruin someone's perfectly good night by refusing entry to a shitty bar over any arbitrary dress code or other infraction. Any attempts at reason are futile.

I was walking into a crappy bar in Middlesbrough (which must have had a tacit no-trainers policy) wearing a pair of shoes which were cut like trainers but made completely of leather and suede. The two doormen were transfixed, mouths open agog, looking down whilst they tried to figure out whether my shoes were indeed trainers and whether or not they should let me in to buy low quality over-priced piss. They couldn't decide and so with a polite smile I simply walked in without giving them enough time to refuse. As the door closed behind me I heard one of them say to the other..

'Neither one thing nor the other like, were they?'
'Naw'

Cretins, I could have been carrying a knife...

Having said that, now they have to be licensed things are a great improvement, I just can't get over the fact they used to ruin many a good night over the simplest of things and rarely prevent trouble from kicking off in the first place.
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:26, 13 replies)

Yes - this.
Also; girls - if you're out and pissed and have male mates around, this does not give you the license to start cracking into the bouncers about being arseholes, because your "boyfriend" will sort them out.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:29, closed)

I really can't understand the 'no trainers' policy in small town nightclubs.
What conceivable difference does it make? Wearing a pair of work shoes to a club does not make it more classy, especially when the venue is rammed full of thugs groping slags whilst dancing to DJ Otzi.
(theremin put the lotion in the basket on, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:30, closed)

I think it's a hangover (somewhat ironically) from the days of skin'eads and "bovver boots"
IE steel toecaps. If shit kicks off they are horrid to be on the receiving end of.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:32, closed)

Yeah
it's a way of diplomatically keeping scallies in tracksuits out. But this only works once, as all the chavs do is scrape together a ben sherman shirt and shoes combo and the place is still full of cunts, just dressed like a 90s soap opera.
(Beelzebub's Ball Bag is pleasuring your wife on, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:40, closed)

Very ironically, if that's the case.
I've never seen a pair of trainers with steel toecaps, whereas if the club's only policy were 'no trainers' you would be perfectly within your rights to turn up in bovver boots.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:41, closed)

Best door policy ever.
was at 'The Bomb' in Nottingham a few years ago now.

Door policy on the website simply stated:

'No Knobheads, know what I mean?'

Genius. And never had a moments trouble in there.
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:45, closed)

The Intrepid Fox:
"No suits, no football shirts."

Great pub.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:47, closed)

^What she said.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:56, closed)

I had a friend who worked there
On his first shift one of the customers punched a girl for having an annoying accent (his stated reason).

My friend climbed onto the bar and booted him in the face, then threw him out. My friend then apologised to the manager and was given a raise.

I love(d) that place.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Thu 27 May 2010, 14:36, closed)

It't not hard to outwit them...
...I once went out of a club to take a call, and got my hand stamped to show I'd paid. On returning they refused entry because it was after 1am????

A quick walk to the carpark next door, climb an escort van, up and over a 12 ft wall then knock on the back door of the club with my flys undone. Bouncer opens it, "cheers mate" *zipping up flies* and we're back in the club :)
(Corbo, Thu 27 May 2010, 13:47, closed)

I once
got turned away for no apparent reason. Some of my mates went in first, I walked up, bouncer asks for ID, so far so normal.

One of my other friends who was still outside but about 10ft away shouts something, I say something back, give the oaf my ID and he turns me away for 'taking to long'. Didn't know that was the rule...
(friedel, Fri 28 May 2010, 2:56, closed)

Fucking arseholes
Bearing in mind that I'm 51 this year and black (ish, white English mum, black Ghanaian dad) I've lost count of the number of clubs I got turned away from when I was late teens/early twenties. I was chatting with a woman that I used to go to school with a few nights ago, she was fucking gorgeous, she lives in Portugal now. She came into my local one night when we were about 19 or 20, and told me to meet her down a club afterwards. I absolutely adored her... She even got some random bloke to swap shirts cos I only had an adidas top on. Got to the club and the wankers on the door said my pants were too wide...Never ever forgave the twats and neither has she...
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Fri 28 May 2010, 23:36, closed)

You use a story of two doormen being quite reasonable and letting you in
To explain why you hate doormen. I don't really understand your logic.
(Vlad the Inhaler forgot his password, Sat 29 May 2010, 12:01, closed)