Coppers...
Bindun before, I know, but not for the same reason...
Couple of coppers come across this bloke on a night out. He's a little bit lairy, no, more just cheeky to them, which they don't like one bit. They nick him and proceed to kick the fuck out of him, sorry, help him into the back of the van.. He starts to look v v v bad so they take him to Hospital. Doctor asks why his face is bashed to fuck so they make up a story about him having an epileptic fit and injuring himself. Fair enough you say? I bet they get untold shit every night of the week and a bit of a slap is what you get for being lairy..
Only problem is, he's an HGV driver and the "fit" means he can't drive, therefore can't make a living.
Cunts.

On the other hand I have a grudging respect for the sort of copper who, if he saw drunks pissing in doorways would give them the option of either cleaning it up themselves with their own shirt, or getting a tug. (the latter copper was a cousin of my old roomie)

The cunty ratio therefore seems to be about 2:1....
( Sallyrsm, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 22:09, 19 replies)

I've never done this before…
… but is this the kind of thing that qualifies for the archive?
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 22:18, closed)

you are awful and believe shitty stories passed down from friends

(Dr. Geoff Honkington woof, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 22:38, closed)

This actually happened.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 2 Jun 2010, 22:39, closed)

i mean holy shit how dumb do you have to be to believe this
b3ta.com/talk/6837123

this sums it up nicely
(Dr. Geoff Honkington woof, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 22:41, closed)

You should totally go and tell this story in Cumbria today
They'll love it.
( Mrs Sp@m, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 22:48, closed)

You should be grateful if they don't sue you for slander.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 22:48, closed)

It's published
making it libel rather than slander.
( WormuIus, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 23:06, closed)

Could it also be construed as an act of terrorism under the Communications Act (2003), section 127?
After all, it is very negative and anti-authoritarian.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 23:31, closed)

Yes because the hospital would accept the word of two beat coppers over an actual examination and CT scan before removing someone's driving license

( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 2 Jun 2010, 22:59, closed)

That's not how it works though.
In the UK, any doctor who treats a patient who has suffered a lapse of consciousness, whether or not the cause can be diagnosed, has to inform the DVLA.

The DVLA may then suspend (not remove) the person's driving licence for a set time, usually a year. After that, if the person has had no further attacks they can re-apply for their licence.

So it's perfectly possible for an HGV driver to lose his licence for a while without any clear diagnosis, if the doctors who've examined him believe he's been unconscious without an obvious cause.

They may of course refuse to believe that the bloke had suffered a seizure and had in fact been beaten up by the police, but that's unlikely.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 23:42, closed)

Given the amount of shit the average A&E doctor would see
and consider that they'll have had safeguarding training, I think it unlikely they'd be unable to tell the difference between someone who has had the shit kicked out of them to an emergency visit level, and someone who has had an epileptic fit.
( CowJam, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 23:55, closed)

Seizures are difficult to diagnose though.
It's not a simple procedure like taking an x-ray. It's possible to have one out of the blue, with no previous history. This does happen to people from time to time and they do lose their licences.

Besides which, the 'kicking' injuries could have been acquired in plenty of plausible ways. The police could say that he already had them, or that someone he was with did them.

Arse-covering might also come into it. He MIGHT have had such a seizure, even if the evidence suggests otherwise, and the issue will come up again after any accident he may have in future.

Any doctor who disregarded the police officers' advice about it might have to defend themselves in court. Far easier to accept the police story from the start.

Of course, someone who makes a living from driving can't really afford to get publicly drunk because of the trouble they can get into.
Having his licence suspended is probably the safest thing all round.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 0:22, closed)

that's utter bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 5:14, closed)

Horseshit.
I've suffered a couple of sporting injuries involving loss of consciousness. I still appear to have a driving license and the DVLA were most certainly not informed. Because the cause was fairly fucking obvious, even to a junior registrar on the arse end of an 80-hour shift. As would be the situation in the above example, too.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 9:43, closed)

THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN.

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 23:03, closed)

This is better than the lie I was going to make up to take the piss out of you

( WormuIus, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 23:04, closed)

I'm giving 2/1 odds on this getting deleted.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 23:58, closed)

I know plenty of police officers
That ratio is more like 12:1, and 100 percent are rascist.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 11:01, closed)

The sort of copper you have a grudging respect for
sounds like a proper cunt too
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 11:12, closed)