How dare you!
If shitting something the size of a melon out of your front-bottom into a pile of faeces and expunged blood-clots isn't beautiful and glorious, then what is?
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 21:43, 1 reply)

beheading your enemies

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:08, closed)

That too!
As well as having to run around after your puking, shitting crotch-droplings until they are old enough to clean up after themselves! And then having to do it all over again when they become teenagers!
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:43, closed)

one thing i really don't understand
is mums who love to take pics of their sprogs mid-meal, when the kid has liberally coated its face with spaghetti or beans, then show the pic to their mates and claim it's cute.
it's not cute. it's nasty.
your kid is covered in half-eaten food, for fuck's sake. wipe its face, you dirty bitch.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 22:55, closed)

But kids are not like adult humans...
... because they ingest nutritional goodness not through their GI tract, but through the skin around their mouths and upper torso.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 1:10, closed)

i like this explanation

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:55, closed)

I gotta say, I'm not really
the poster child for what this thread is about, as I have two kids.

But . . . although I'm supposed to be all paternal etc, there's nothing I hate more than one of them trying to give me a hug with some sticky shit they've been trying to eat smeared all over their faces and hands. They can bugger off.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 13:27, closed)

it's horrible
my nephew had slobbered all over a cornetto laast week without actually eating very much of it. my mum was amazed when i refused to eat it.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:56, closed)

You know why they do that?
Because it's the only moment of the day when they have their hands free to pick up a camera. And yes, it's yucky.

What I can't stand is the glowing monologues about *exactly* how much excrement junior woke up with all over it that time, and ohmygod how far up the wall it had spread - ha ha !

This invariably starts just around the time a plate of food has arrived. You know it, if there's something on the plate which is remotely brown and/or sticky, or godhelpus yellow and sticky, you just see the blissful look spread across their face and you *know* ... here it comes ...

"Omigod that reminds me of this time ..."
( Bootsthealchemist is barred from the Masterchef Facebook page, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:07, closed)

oh god, yes!
that's why i only go out to eat with childless friends
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 14:57, closed)