CUM FLY WITH ME
A few years back I had the great misfortune of spending a couple of weeks at Disneyworld, Florida - dodging the puddles of kiddie vomit whilst battling the armies of terminally fat and incredibly stupid fuckwits. And all this under a persistant, blazing hot sun that made your skin peel as effectively as bathing in paint stripper and using caustic soda as a skin exfoliator.

I still to this day experience fucking scary as fuck random talking-giant-mouse related hallucinations because of that fucking God-awful holiday.

But it wasn't all bad, I suppose - at least I can say with some pride I joined a certain club on my way to Shitsville aka Orlando.

At the time my ladyfriend was a girl named Vic. She was a little bit older than me, so I naturally called her Old Vic. We boarded the Virgin Atlantic flight at Heathrow and found our seats, took off, as you do, and settled down to six grueling hours of shit Adam Sandler movies on those annoying little TV screens.

Fuck that...

I decided to keep Old Vic entertained with my witty reportie instead. Unfortunately, she got pretty sick and tired of my endless being-inside-a-Virgin-related punnage pretty damn quickly.

Then they served us a meal. Ooohhh! And it was utter bollocks - but at least it passed the time.

Then I watched X-Men while Old Vic read a book.

Then I was officially bored shitless. And that's when the idea popped into my head. Fuck me, that's a fucking great idea, Spanky! I thought to myself. I tapped Old Vic on the shoulder, leaned close to her ear, and relayed my great idea.

She looked at me to see if I was being serious and said a very curt: "No. Not gonna happen."

And that was the end of that.

But I'm a persistent little cunt, so I kept up with a little gentle nagging, I even came up with a list of plausible reasons why it would be a great thing to do, I whined, I may even have done a little quiet sobbing at one stage. Anyway, after nearly two hours of this Old Vic eventually relented.

"Oh, go on then!" she said. "You go on ahead and I'll follow you in a few minutes." and she stowed her book away.

I was shocked: "You being serious?" I asked.

She nodded: "Go on," and she motioned for me to fuck off. "Before I change my mind."

And I was off and out my seat faster than puke out of a bulemic.

Excited, I almost sprinted down the isle, found a nice quiet place out the way, and loitered waiting for Old Vic to turn up.

And she did. "This one?" she asked, looking round to make sure the coast was clear. It was, so we scurried quickly inside and closed the door.

And there was no fucking room to move.

"Err, how are we gonna do this, Spanky?" Old Vic asked.

I thought about it for a couple of seconds. "Let me squeeze past you so I can sit on the shitter, than you can just sort of lower yourself down onto me..." and I wheezed and panted into position, edging slowly past Old Vic's rather ample tittage.

Fuck me, aeroplane toilets are fucking tiny.

"Are you even hard?" Old Vic asked as I started to pull down my trousers.

I looked down, grabbed the floppy fella and gave him a quick tug. "No - but I soon fucking will be!" And true to my word, as I sat uncomfortably on the bog, watching Old Vic hitch up her skirt and pull her knickers to one side, I got just about hard enough for a spot of honeypot-holing.

Old Vic lowered herself onto my weapon of masturbation and, what with the excitement of joining the Mile High Club, I spaffed almost immediately.

"Is that it?" she asked, sound a little pissed off. "Was it fucking worth it?"

I grinned back at her: "Shit, yeah! I mean, I came!"

And then Old Vic, squatting pecariously over me, skewered on my dick, attempted to stand -

- only she couldn't.

There wasn't enough room for her to move her legs and stand back up, instead she just sort of splayed onto me.

"Oh, fuck, Spanky!" she whispered urgently. "I'm fucking stuck!"

I chuckled...

"NO - I FUCKING MEAN IT!!!" Strange how she managed to whisper and shout all at the same time.

"I'll try and lift you up," I said, clutching her waist and using all my strength. "Shit, it's no good. I think your arse is jammed against the door and the sink..."

"Fuck," said Old Vic. "What the fuck are we gonna do???"

"Let me think about it..." I said, thinking about it, feeling my soft cock plop out of Old Vic's love chute and my cum dribble out of her vag and pool into my pubes and over my balls. It felt cold.

I was, officially, no longer feeling sexy.

Instead I was thinking desperately of a way for us to get out.

After nearly ten minutes Old Vic says:

"My legs have gone dead - you can't think of anything, can you?" I shake my head glumly in agreement. Old Vic continues: "Shit - neither can I. Ok, here goes.... HELP!!! HELP!!! HELP!!!"

Oh sweet mother of fuck and all things fuckable!

Eventually, after a few more "HELPS!!!" One of the stewards came to our rescue. He pulled open the weird slidy door thing and peered inside and nearly pissed himself laughing.

"Errr, hello...." I said.

Thankfully he was a professional. "Can I be of any assistance?" He said.

Moments later he'd reached forward and lifted Old Vic off me by grabbing hold under her armpits. He looked down at me, sitting as I was on the bog, my pants and trouser round my ankles, my sleeping cock-monster and pubes covered in globby splats of cum.

"Do you need a hand, Sir?" he asked.

"Err, no thank you - I can handle it from here..."

When I returned to my seat Old Vic was sitting there, bright red with rage and embarrassment. She told me we were lucky not to get arrested. I apologised, explained that I realised it was terriably embarrassing, but on a brighter note we HAD joined the Mile High Club...

She threatened to rip off my testicles and beat me to death with um.

An hour or so later we landed in Orlando and did the fucking awful package holiday thing.

And on the return flight two weeks later, I endured the terrible torment, the torture, the indescribable pain, of having to watch back-to-back-to-fucking-back Adam Sandler movies...

I think if I so much as moved or even attempted to speak, Old Vic would've twatted the fuck out of me.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 22:40, 9 replies)

haha! nice!!!
the churchill one had me in fits!!!
( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Thu 23 Apr 2009, 22:56, closed)

Only you Spanky...
Only you could make that work. Click!
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 22:59, closed)

I laughed...
quite a lot. Very funny!
(dhroadie, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 23:00, closed)

Genius!
HeeHeeHeeHeeHee - great work, Spankmeister!
(Lizard King, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 23:04, closed)

Hahahahaha real lols

( epiphany coming live from sweden, Thu 23 Apr 2009, 23:58, closed)

meh
I dont care if this is true or not.

It made me laugh, quite a bit actually, but then so do all of Spankies posts :)

Out of curiosity how does one suggest a QOTW?
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 2:06, closed)

http://www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/
that there
(TheColonel, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 15:39, closed)

lol.
And I was off and out my seat faster than puke out of a bulemic.

*click
(hoogie Original Cunt Horse Author, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 17:08, closed)

^this
*click*
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 22:20, closed)