The world's worst threesome, part 3
part 1

part 2

De-RIS/What the fuck?

Through the window, the famous Wembley arch glowed in the distance. The coroner sighed, it would be another long night.

Legless had seen everything in his forty years of grim work, including decapitation-by-spoon, gunshot wound to the rectum and even one unfortunate musician who had drowned in vomit (it wasn't his own). Despite all that, nothing could have prepared him for the gruesome scene laid out in the morgue that evening.

"Three males, two in their twenties or early thirties, the other a bit older and probably their abusive step-father or something"

The Dictaphone clicked off, the tape reaching the end of the reel. He moved into his office to get a new one, the radio was crackling. It was the evening news.

"Disbelief and horror at Wembley, as three unknown men invade the pitch and perform what Guinness has now officially confirmed as the most disgusting and indecent public act in recorded history" said the newsreader. Legless turned up the volume and sat down, intrigued by this development. The bulletin continued "In other news, a double tragedy for sport today as the Canadian women's water polo team goes on a gun rampage at a local children's hospice before committing suicide themselves. Police believe they suffered recent mental trauma and are appealing for witnesses"

He picked up the phone and dialed. A quiet voice on the other end answered. "I need your help" said Legless nervously.

He stepped outside for a breath of fresh air as the stench in the autopsy room was overwhelmingly bad. The night was cool and the wind calm, a shooting star fizzed across the ink-black sky as something else large and bright caught his attention. It was interrupted by the screech of tyres announcing the arrival of his contact.

The Golf GIT skidded to a halt in the car park, the driver less-than focused on the task of parking. As Legless approached the car, he noticed a second person who appeared to be sleeping on the driver's lap.

The driver patiently allowed his passenger to rise from her apparent slumber in her own time and she eventually sat up, retched a little then wiped her mouth before opening the window to spit a mouthful of gloopy, translucent fluid onto the tarmac. "That's a nasty cold you've got there, chickenlady", Legless observed. She winced and licked her lips, before spitting a second time at his feet.

Clambering awkwardly out of the vehicle, the driver adjusted his trousers for a while before pacing towards the entrance. Chickenlady scowled, stuck two fingers up at them both then sped off in the opposite direction. "Actually, it's three bodies, not two" he said to his friend as the red tail lights faded into the darkness.

PJM had worked with Legless many times, especially on crimes of a brutal sexual nature. When he entered the chilling mortuary, his skin crawled at the vile mess of bodies and bodily fluids before his eyes. The smell of shit hit him first, then he spotted that one of the trio wasn't wearing anything below the waist. He already knew the identity of these poor, broken individuals, for they had been traveling with him only a few hours earlier.

"That one's Pooflake" said PJM, pointing to the bloody, spunk-filled arse cavity on the first table. "The other two are chart cat and SpankyHanky, at least I assume that's who they are, what with the complete lack of a face on either of them." Legless was confused. "How the fuck do you know that?" he enquired, "as the injuries on these men are consistent with hours of sexual misconduct and violent buggery".

PJM knew the game was up. He explained about the careful planning they'd undertaken together to carry out 'The Wembley Incident', the journey away from the stadium and chart cat's anal 'accident' in his car earlier in the day. Legless listened, stunned into silence.

"What I don't understand though..." mused Legless, pausing for thought "...is how did they end up like this?"

"Time to find out" replied PJM.

to be continued....? You tell me
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:13, 23 replies)

Are you Tim Burton in disguise?
Dark... and slightly arousing

Gets a click from me, anyway.
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:19, closed)

For fuck's sake
don't click it, I don't want this shite on my profile page! :-p
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:23, closed)

^ this
is the best reason to click....

EVAR!
( bluemeat has been best of all the animals since, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:35, closed)

Fucking brilliant...
*clicks like Michael J Fox tapdancing*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:19, closed)

Hope you like the role
I think it suits you mate :)
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:24, closed)

Yep, I'm pleased with that.
I'll be making a few suggestions to chickenlady too, hehe.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:26, closed)

This is fucking great
and I'm sure if the three of us fuckwits ever got it on, I'd enjoying shafting your Passage to India more than the big mans (just don't tell him that).

Cheers.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:22, closed)

The next time I consider a three-way with two other men*
you dirty fuckers will be top of my list.

I'm not going to pick favourites though. You'd both get an equal share of my nutty eggwhite across your gaping cock-sockets

*may be some time
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:27, closed)

I plan on getting the three of you together for my next B3ta bash.
I'm going to sell tickets : )
( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:27, closed)

You do realise...
...that you three have come up with the B3ta equivalent of (please excuse the pun) Lord of the Rings? :P
(Lord of Balrogs, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:30, closed)

CLICK!!!!!!!!
This is excellent, Pooflake was Star Wars Spanky was Empire and chart cat's Jedi!!!!!! Love it!!!!!!!
(Lizard King, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:34, closed)

chart cat
thank you! :-)

you three are all a bit mad!
(Grrrrr Tigers, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:35, closed)

Pleasure
Please don't ever ask for anything like this again though.

PLEASE
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:57, closed)

heeheehee
worth the wait! thank you chart cat for brightening up the afternoon!
(Hotty, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:36, closed)

You're welcome
*slinks into the shadows of shame*
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:58, closed)

*comes back to office after particularly long (liquid) lunch*

*rubs eys*

*takes deep breath*

...

THAT

is fucking unbelievably, awesomely brilliant.

I...just...don't know what to say.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:44, closed)

Encore!
At least I 'think' I want to know what happened

I bags the film rights ;)
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 14:59, closed)

^ THIS ^
Sounds like a job for PJM...
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 15:05, closed)

As regards the concluding part....
...it HAS to be done by Grrrr Tigers, surely? :P
(Lord of Balrogs, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 17:41, closed)

Bravo Sir

I for one am eager to hear more, although it makes me feel a touch strange to say it.

*clicks like buggery on all three parts*

Plus a click for Grrrrr Tigers for providing the inspiration for such a crotch fluttering, bile raising trio of stories.
(Rotimer was micturating windward at, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 15:47, closed)

Excellent work!
And thank you very much for my cameo!


Personally I suspect that there is a Ms Big behind all of this.....
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 16:25, closed)

Good work cc
a slightly less disturbing conclusion... or is it...?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 0:24, closed)

I still want to know
what depravity occured that resulted in the death of our three erstwhile B3tans

and time is running out ;)
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Thu 30 Apr 2009, 0:40, closed)