One from nipperhood.
A man walks into a restaurant and orders squid.

"Mais Certainement sir," says John-Baptiste the smarmy waiter. "Would you laahk to choose your squeed from ze tank over there?"

"I'll have that little green one with the moustache," says the customer.

"Mais Non!" Exclaims the waiter. "But 'E eez the Chef's Favvoreet! 'E eez so small an' cute and friendlee. Surely Monsuier would prefer one ze the bigger, tastier ones non?"

"No," says the customer. "It's got to be that one".

So the waiter gets the little green squid out and takes him to the chef - Jervaise - who puts him on the chopping block, raises his knife and ... the little squid looks up and smiles, twitching his bushy moustache into a cute fluffeh smile!

"It's no good' says Jervaise. "I can't do it. I'll have to ask Hans who does the washing up. He's a big, tough brute - he'll be able to do the evil deed'

Enter Hans: A massive bastard with tattoos all over his bare arms. Grunting, he takes the knife and pins down the wriggling squid while Jervaise bawls his eyes out in the corner of the kitchen. Hans raises the knife to chop the little squid's head off and ... once again the cute little squid looks up and smiles, wiggling his little tentacles and twitching his little 'tache. So Hans too finds it impossible to kill him, and sobbing with tears of mortified shame he hugs Jervais as they both dissolve into even more howls of mournful crying.

Eventually the waiter is forced to go out to the customer and explain why he can't have that particular squid....

Well you see Monsuieur... Ze Hans that does ze dishes is as soft as Jervaise with ze mild-green furry-lip squid
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 6 Mar 2009, 9:07, 4 replies)

I was hoping someone would post this
Bravo!
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Fri 6 Mar 2009, 9:15, closed)

Now that one..
.. is a classic! Love it.
( squirrels emit silent screams has updog, Fri 6 Mar 2009, 9:15, closed)

I wanted this one to come out!
I could only ever remember the punchline and never the whole joke

*click*
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 6 Mar 2009, 12:21, closed)

Is popular no?
b3ta.com/questions/puns/post382656#qotw-post-382704

It only stands to reason that such an excellent story will be known and repeated by many :)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 6 Mar 2009, 15:09, closed)