Why don't Monsters eat clowns?



Because they taste funny!
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 7:10, Reply)

What did I do?
To deserve this PUNishment
(seshmarls, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 4:13, Reply)

The absolute worst
A southern Sudanese walked up to me once and asked me what was meant by terms like "LOL" and "leet".
I thought to myself "this guy's obviously a Noob-ian."
(mudskipper, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 1:18, Reply)

let me tell you about
my daughter. She's only 8 and boy, does she have the voice of an angel! Yes, she has a lisp, but doesn't let that stop her from belting out her favourite tunes. She doesn't know the whole songs though - but never mind because little things please little mines...

(now, can we have some more proper puns, instead of lame jokes?)
(spiggytopes, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 0:53, Reply)

Why was Linux afraid of 64?
Because 64 bit Windows.
(Cuthbert Annihilator, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 0:29, Reply)

An atom is sitting in a bar
Another atom floats by, bumping into him in the process. The first atom says:
'I think I've just lost an electron', to which the second replies:
'Are you sure?'
The first atom says:
'Yes, I'm positive!'
(flipflap, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 0:02, Reply)

Did you hear the one about the constipated accountant?


He worked it out with a pencil.


Ahthankyao, i'm here all week.
(LiL_Arsewipe licked your face on, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 22:21, 1 reply)

easy peasy
celtic lost in the scots cup to inverness caledonia thistle a few years ago. the next day featured the all time greatest headline in (i think) the sun. 'supercallygoballistic, celticareatrocious'.
(biscuit bill, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 22:06, 1 reply)

Am I the only one
Who is actually tempted to start reading the essay answers from previous QOTWs to avoid this one?
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 21:49, 4 replies)

There's a Kebab van in Bristol,
called "Jason's Donervan"

pretty good if you ask me. Shame the kebabs aren't....
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 21:36, 4 replies)

A horse walks into a bar
The barman asks 'why the long face?'

'I've got aids' replies the horse.

/taxi
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 20:57, Reply)

Mice
A couple of months ago, there were mice in the flat where I live. The council's pest controllers came round and lay little boxes marked 'Rodent Bait, Do Not Touch'.

I thought this was a little stupid, as surely the mice would see what it said on the box and keep away.

It seems I was wrong, as a few weeks later, there were no signs of the mice.

As it turns out, mice are a little rat!
(pennies, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 19:59, Reply)

Perfect place for
This.

Sorry.
( Lord Gnome, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 18:49, 1 reply)

*Infamy! Infamy!
They're all got it infamy!







*..Mat J was heard to cry
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 9 Mar 2009, 18:49, Reply)

A joke my friend told the lady in the kebab shop...
I had a large Doner once...





she was from Sheffield
(ecilA Alice...has nothing to do, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 18:14, Reply)

Last?
Is it can be no more pleez?
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:38, 6 replies)

A bear walks into a bar...
...he asks the barman, "Can I have a pint......................................................................................................................................of lager?".
To which the barman says, "Why the big pause?"

(admittedly this one sounds better than it reads..pause...paws...bears have big paws...ah forget it!)
(FeldmanHaimBluesExplosion : You've only to believe if you wish to achieve. T, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:33, 3 replies)

A gay wonders home from a night out and takes a shortcut through a field.
On his way through he sees a hobo unconcious on a bench, so as he was feeling horny he does him up the wrong-un.

Ya see, he just went for a tramp in the park...
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:29, Reply)

Daily Star
Read through the week there that a fella drowned at some Spanish resort due to being dragged to the floor of a swimming pool due to the force of the air flow towards a vent.

Headline read : BOY SUCKED TO DEATH ON HOLIDAY.

Verminous cunts.
(Moondawg, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:28, 3 replies)

Again with the sorry
Q: What do you call an alien with no eyes?
A: Alen

and

Q: What is E.T short for?
A: He has little legs...
(hovisbiscuit a big boy did it and ran away..., Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:27, 3 replies)

Like a proper English lass
Jade spends her weekends getting hammered!
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:18, 1 reply)

What'd you call a man with 3 planks of balsa on his noggin?
Edward Woodwood

*starts eating Penguins rapidly*

*saves wrappers*

*pukes*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:16, Reply)

Best spoken out loud
Q:-

If a centipedes a pint
And a typists a quart
Whats a precipice?

A:-

A sheer drop
(DrTeeth, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:15, 1 reply)

I went for a job interview as a Blacksmith yesterday,
he said "Have you ever shoed a horse?"

I said "No, but i've told a donkey to fuck off.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:10, 6 replies)

Sorry
A dyslexic walks into a bra...
(hovisbiscuit a big boy did it and ran away..., Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:01, 5 replies)

Also statistically speaking
9 outta 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 16:59, Reply)

Statistically speaking
six out of seven dwarves are not Happy....
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 16:56, Reply)