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This is a question Puns

Tell us your best ever puns - get them out of your system now and let's not see them again.

Suggested by MatJ

(, Thu 5 Mar 2009, 12:52)
Pages: Latest, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, ... 1

This question is now closed.

Why don't Monsters eat clowns?



Because they taste funny!
(, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 7:10, Reply)
What did I do?
To deserve this PUNishment
(, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 4:13, Reply)
The absolute worst
A southern Sudanese walked up to me once and asked me what was meant by terms like "LOL" and "leet".
I thought to myself "this guy's obviously a Noob-ian."
(, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 1:18, Reply)
let me tell you about
my daughter. She's only 8 and boy, does she have the voice of an angel! Yes, she has a lisp, but doesn't let that stop her from belting out her favourite tunes. She doesn't know the whole songs though - but never mind because little things please little mines...

(now, can we have some more proper puns, instead of lame jokes?)
(, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 0:53, Reply)
Why was Linux afraid of 64?
Because 64 bit Windows.
(, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 0:29, Reply)
An atom is sitting in a bar
Another atom floats by, bumping into him in the process. The first atom says:
'I think I've just lost an electron', to which the second replies:
'Are you sure?'
The first atom says:
'Yes, I'm positive!'
(, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 0:02, Reply)
Did you hear the one about the constipated accountant?


He worked it out with a pencil.


Ahthankyao, i'm here all week.
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 22:21, 1 reply)
easy peasy
celtic lost in the scots cup to inverness caledonia thistle a few years ago. the next day featured the all time greatest headline in (i think) the sun. 'supercallygoballistic, celticareatrocious'.
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 22:06, 1 reply)
Am I the only one
Who is actually tempted to start reading the essay answers from previous QOTWs to avoid this one?
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 21:49, 4 replies)
There's a Kebab van in Bristol,
called "Jason's Donervan"

pretty good if you ask me. Shame the kebabs aren't....
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 21:36, 4 replies)
A horse walks into a bar
The barman asks 'why the long face?'

'I've got aids' replies the horse.

/taxi
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 20:57, Reply)
Mice
A couple of months ago, there were mice in the flat where I live. The council's pest controllers came round and lay little boxes marked 'Rodent Bait, Do Not Touch'.

I thought this was a little stupid, as surely the mice would see what it said on the box and keep away.

It seems I was wrong, as a few weeks later, there were no signs of the mice.

As it turns out, mice are a little rat!
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 19:59, Reply)
Perfect place for
This.

Sorry.
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 18:49, 1 reply)
*Infamy! Infamy!
They're all got it infamy!







*..Mat J was heard to cry
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 18:49, Reply)
A joke my friend told the lady in the kebab shop...
I had a large Doner once...





she was from Sheffield
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 18:14, Reply)
Last?
Is it can be no more pleez?
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:38, 6 replies)
A bear walks into a bar...
...he asks the barman, "Can I have a pint......................................................................................................................................of lager?".
To which the barman says, "Why the big pause?"

(admittedly this one sounds better than it reads..pause...paws...bears have big paws...ah forget it!)
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:33, 3 replies)
A gay wonders home from a night out and takes a shortcut through a field.
On his way through he sees a hobo unconcious on a bench, so as he was feeling horny he does him up the wrong-un.

Ya see, he just went for a tramp in the park...
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:29, Reply)
Daily Star
Read through the week there that a fella drowned at some Spanish resort due to being dragged to the floor of a swimming pool due to the force of the air flow towards a vent.

Headline read : BOY SUCKED TO DEATH ON HOLIDAY.

Verminous cunts.
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:28, 3 replies)
Again with the sorry
Q: What do you call an alien with no eyes?
A: Alen

and

Q: What is E.T short for?
A: He has little legs...
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:27, 3 replies)
Like a proper English lass
Jade spends her weekends getting hammered!
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:18, 1 reply)
What'd you call a man with 3 planks of balsa on his noggin?
Edward Woodwood

*starts eating Penguins rapidly*

*saves wrappers*

*pukes*
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:16, Reply)
Best spoken out loud
Q:-

If a centipedes a pint
And a typists a quart
Whats a precipice?

A:-

A sheer drop
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:15, 1 reply)
I went for a job interview as a Blacksmith yesterday,
he said "Have you ever shoed a horse?"

I said "No, but i've told a donkey to fuck off.
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:10, 6 replies)
Sorry
A dyslexic walks into a bra...
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 17:01, 5 replies)
Also statistically speaking
9 outta 10 people actually enjoy gang rape.
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 16:59, Reply)
Statistically speaking
six out of seven dwarves are not Happy....
(, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 16:56, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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