It's 1981, Birdie Song is at Number One, and I'm four years old
I'm in a big hospital with my mummy. I'm here because the doctor told my mummy that my willy was broken and needed to be fixed. It's ace! I've got my own room and everything!

Some nurses have taken me out of my room. My bed has wheels on and they're just pushing me along. Wheee! This is great! Hang on, why is my mummy stopping. They're telling her that she can't come with us. Oh, and now my mummy is crying. Why is mummy crying? The nice nurses are telling me that I'm going to be ok. Doesn't mummy know that I'll be ok? I'll tell her. Oh . . . she's gone.

They've wheeled me into a room with lots of other nice people. One of them has put a big rubber mask over my face. Yuck! It smells gross! He's asking me to count to ten. That's easy! I can do that! One - Two - Three - F . . .

. . . . our. Oh. What happened there? Where have the nice people gone? And why am I back in my room? Oh well, there's mummy. She looks happy to see me! And she's giving me orange juice to drink. Hang on, I don't feel very . . . BLUURRRGGH! Oh, sorry mum. I'm sleepy, I think I'll lie back down now.

They're taking me somewhere else now. And I'm in a wheelchair! How cool is that! Oh, it's bath time. Great! I love bath time! That bubble bath that they're putting in looks weird - it's all brown, and it's making the water cloudy. Oh well. Into the bath we go.

ARRRRRGGHHHHH!!! MY WILLY'S ON FIRE!!!!!! OW, OW, OW!

Hang on. There's something wrong with my willy. What the-

MUM . . . HALF OF MY WILLY IS MISSING!

I will never trust another grownup, not even if I live to be five years old.

~~~~~~~~~~

And that, ladies and gents, is what circumcision feels like when you're four years old. They put 14 stitches in my old chap, all of which went bad and had to taken out.

So if someone ever tells you that circumcision doesn't hurt, you just tell them from me: YES IT FUCKING DOES!

Luckily everything is fine now, and MrsC is currently expecting baby number two. Yay for my willy!
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 10:26, 9 replies)

...
I concur... Getting to go through it at the still tender age of 10 was bad enough, the fucking salty baths for ages after pissed me off no end
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 10:39, closed)

this
is exactly how i remember it.
(addikt, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 10:47, closed)

Ditto
Penises have got a lot to answer for.
(robbersdog, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 11:55, closed)

Yep
It's EXACTLY as I recall it too, and that was at the age of 17 (as a result of another unfortunate, also painful, incident I am in no mind to recount). It FUCKING hurts.

And to think some people do it to babies to please their invisible friend in the sky. Cunts.
(Rsoles, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 12:40, closed)

Fucking
idiots who mutilate their children have a lot to answer for.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Fri 13 Mar 2009, 12:47, closed)

I was almost 21 when I had mine
And I was told my stitches were dissolvable, and I didn't need to have them out. Lying buggers, and I pulled them out myself! OW!
( DavyBoyInGravyJoy Grey Goose Vodka on Ice, nothing finer, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 14:10, closed)

We had
One guy at my old school who had to be circumcised at the age of 17, like some of the above. Watching him walk like John Wayne for a fortnight was all the convincing I needed that yes, it DOES hurt.


It was funny insulting him though - he would waddle toward you shouting obscenities. All you had to do was walk slowly away...
( MatJ LOOK, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 17:05, closed)

My procedure was a bit different..
No general anaesthetic, just a local, and didn't hurt that much!

Considering how much it had hurt before, due to phimosis, I don't think i would have complained to much anyway!

I did go private though.. didnt like the thought of the crappy nhs messing around with my love truncheon!
(Inflatable Aardvark, Sun 15 Mar 2009, 23:36, closed)

blanked out
I guess I'm a lucky one for not remembering at all what happened. All I do know is that afterwards I got a toy harrier jet
(bluehamster, Wed 18 Mar 2009, 17:06, closed)